"Stay calm and stay in your own homes"
25 years ago, the BBC drafted a statement to be broadcast in the event of nuclear attack. We asked Harry Shearer, the voice of The Simpsons' newsreader Kent Brockman, to offer us his interpretation of the statement.
So he did it in the style of seminal 1970s newscaster Walter Cronkite... and here's the result.
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Stay Calm. Ok! But only because I want no part of any of this.
lol
Subject: And for her that is a certain kind of victory - stay calm and stay in your own homes Richard Jackson
Anagram: Honest - sad Tory Mayor clown - Jay Cads munchkins Aria - Faith honest Tiro - Cad kin favor Yard cretin
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Slough by John Betjeman
I was watching that Beeching programme on the destruction of the railways in the early 1960s
Slough
Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.
Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.
And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:
And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.
But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.
It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead
And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.
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