The Eurovision Song Contest is well known for its outrageous costumes and outlandish songs. Writing songs in a language other than the native tongue is a challenge, however as this list shows, we’ve got a bit of a chequered history in the UK when it comes to song writing. Whilst some songs might get lost in translation, they can provide for some amusing lyrics. This is an affectionate retrospective of some of the bizarre lyrics and songs from over the years.
20) Belarus 2014 – Cheesecake
Kicking off with this year’s entry from Belarus, singer Teo sings “I look over all the maps trying to escape ‘cause I’m tired of your sweet cheesecake”. Perhaps try a different dessert then?
19) Ireland 2000 – Millennium Of Love
Despite singer Eamonn Toal’s sickly lyrics, Ireland finished 6th in 2000. “Celebrate the new millennium of love, where our footprints leave a harvest for the children”.
18) Austria 1997 – One Step
Poor Bettina Soriat didn’t far too well for Austria in 1997, getting just 12 points in total. The translation goes: “Love is no bounced cheque, bad man. Oh… sex with you passes by as fast as the spaceship Enterprise”.
17) UK 1991 – A Message To Your Heart
Samantha Janus finished 10th in Rome with her message to our hearts. Unfortunately Europe wasn’t listening. “Half the world is hungry just through being born and every day is a compromise for a grain of corn”.
16) Sweden 2011 – Popular
Sweden finished 3rd in 2011 proving that you don’t always need inspired lyrics to succeed. It seems that bland was indeed popular. “Stop, don’t say that it’s impossible, because I know it’s possible”.
15) Germany 1998 – “Guildo hat euch lieb”.
Guildo’s Germany brought the house down in Birmingham in 1998, clambering all over the stage, jumping into the crowd singing “Guildo loves you, so even if there are tears, he’ll come over and sing songs for you, Guildo loves you”.
14) Ukraine 2014 – Tick Tock
Ukraine’s entry this year will be watched with great interest given the wider political context this year and despite the rather dubious line. “We belong to each other like a sister and a brother”.
13) Israel 1987 - Shir habatlanim
The Israeli Minister for Culture threatened to resign in 1987 after this entry was selected for Eurovision. The song went to Eurovision and perhaps typically, the politician didn’t follow through on his promise. The translation: “The birds come down to the plants of the balcony and sing with my the bums’ song. Hupe hule hule hule…”
12) Denmark 1997- “Stemmen I mit liv”
Denmark’s entry in Dublin was about a man who fell in love with the woman from directory enquiries. As you do. “Why am I alone? I feel so strange. I overshoot the mark every time I’m taking aim”.
11) Spain 1968 – “La La La”
Spain beat the UK’s Cliff Richard by a single point in 1968 with the lyrics “La lalala lalala lalala… La lalala lalala la”. What a liberty!
10) Luxembourg 1965 – “Poupée de cire, poupée de son”
Serge Gainsbourg caused quite the stir with this winning song performed by France Gall. “Around me, I hear the rag dolls laughing, those who dance to my songs. Wax doll, sawdust doll”.
9) Estonia 2008 – “Leto Svet”.
In 2008 Estonia opted for a bit of a joke entry, a joke which Europe didn’t quite get. Singing in Serbian, Finnish and German, “Two double drum cake, bean pods, that’s enough, that’s enough. Summer light, it’s summer light”. Okay…
8) Ukraine 2007 – “Dancing Lascha Tumbai”.
Ukraine’s Verka Serduchka finished second in 2007 with one of the more memorable entries from recent times. “Lascha tumbai” does not actually mean anything, although in the song it sounded suspiciously like “Russia goodbye”. “I want to see, I love you, I want to see – lascha tumbai”.
7) Austria 1977 – “Boom Boom Boomerang”
Austria’s “Boom Boom Boomerang” is most remembered for the interesting way it was staged although the lyrics are pretty special too. “Boom boom boomerang, snadderydang, kangaroo, boogaloo, didgeridoo”.
6) UK 2007 – “Flying the flag”.
Scooch flew the flag for the UK in 2007, injecting some innuendo into the contest and bringing us the infamous line “would you like something to suck on for landing?”
5) Ireland 2008 – “Irelande Douze Points”
Ireland sent Dustin the Turkey to Eurovision in 2008. The song failed to qualify but did provide some smiles along the way. “Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan’s wig, mad acts and sad acts, it was Johnny Logan’s gig”.
4) San Marino 2012 – “The Social Network Song”.
This year will be the third consecutive time that Valentina Monetta has represented San Marino in Eurovision. Her debut in Baku was about social networking, it didn’t reach the final but it’s saucy lyrics did raise a few eyebrows. “Do you wanna be more than just a friend? Do you wanna play cybersex again? If you wanna come to my house, click me with your mouse”.
3) Finland 1982
Finland’s entry in 1982 was a protest against nuclear weapons. It was rewarded with a big zero from the juries. “If someone soon throws some nuclear poo here on our Europe, what will you say when we get all the filth on our faces”.
2) Austria 2012 – “Woki mit deim Popo”.
Despite being a family show, Eurovision songs can sometimes be a little risqué as Austria showed in Baku in 2012. “Your bum has feelings, your bum is a part of you, don’t put it on chairs, your bum has an opinion”.
1) Sweden 1973 – “You are Summer”
Sweden has exported fantastic pop songs over the years and Eurovision fans hold the country’s Eurovision songs in high regard. However this little ditty isn’t one of those songs! “I am blue and I long for your caress. Oh… your breasts are like swallows a-nestling”. What does that even mean?
Eurovision is home to diverse musical styles and song topics, it’s part of the charm. Do you have a guilty pleasure? Which is your weird and wonde