Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Square
Not a person dared stir, dared e'en move a hair
Lest Santa, discovering them out of their bed,
Be tempted to divert to Weatherfield instead.
But hang on a minute, two souls WERE defying
The law of no moving, they weren't even trying.
Two people quite different, but in the same house
One sweet young princess, one cold-hearted louse.
Young Tiffany Butcher was creeping downstairs,
To check if Pa Christmas had answered her prayers
And delivered the gift that she wanted so dearly
She tiptoed and breathlessly peaked in and nearly...
Bumped into a person. A person, quite slim
If it was Santa Claus, he'd shrunk in his skin
This person was different, and this bit's quite shocking
This person was nicking each parcel, each stocking
Was grabbing each present and shoving it in
A sack with all the Square's Christmas presents in:
An Orient scarf, some leopard-print mitts,
A football, a bible, a Wham! Greatest Hits.
"Thief!" Tiff yelled out but before she could stop it,
The tealeaf screamed "Oh hell!', proceeding to hop it.
Then flew out the door and ran past the Vic
"Whitney! Wake up! Stop that thief, quick!"
Tiff howled. But that person ran fast as they could.
And by the allotments they pulled back their hood.
They opened their bag with all Walford's swag in it
Then cackled aloud for more than a minute
At the thought of each person upon Christmas morn
Skipping downstairs to find every gift gone.
Moons, Slaters, Mitchells all wondering who
Would do such a thing to them? Who? Who? Who? Who?
Well who would do such a thing, you might sigh.
To make every single Walfordian cry?
A person so cold-hearted, callous and mean?
A person you know. By the name of .. JANINE!
Meanwhile, little Tiff stood in the Square crying
Her faith in humanity rapidly dying
When suddenly appeared, in a leopard-print coat
A fairy godmother, upon a milk float.
This hero, right lippy, vowed no one would ruin
Tiff's Christmas like this. That person? Kat Moon.
And with a flick of stilettos, clickety-clack,
She promised to get everyone's Christmas gifts back.
And so with Janine heading home all aglow,
Cheerfully convinced, as she walks through the snow,
That Christmas is cancelled. Blissful, unaware,
That Kat's on a mission to re-festive the Square.