Friday 12 February 2010, 20:29
The Cagney and Lacey of Albert Square investigate saucy goings on at Bianca's hen
Yes, the self styled Cagney and Lacey* of Albert Square (to quote Denise: "I'm the sexy, complicated one and Zainab's the frumpy one with the gob") were on the case of Walford's big whodunnit. Forget who killed Archie Mitchell - who bedded Leon Small? And how exactly did, what started off as a 'hen night with a load of middle-aged women and a footspa' turn into a full-on knee-trembler for one of the hens? All we knew was that the lady in question had a girly giggle and some chipped red toe nail polish. We'd like to point out that around 0:14 of Tuesday's episode, Pat revealed her scarlet toenails (unchipped, but it could be a fresh coat - see below). We're still not entirely convinced that it wasn't her... Heart attack or no heart attack, she's still all woman. But it turned out to be Lucy Beale who was under the covers with the stripper. Won't Zsa Zsa be pleased if she finds out. Well, at least it wasn't Bianca and the wedding's still on for next week. Hooray!
Ronnie helps police with their investigation... by totally losing it
So just like the rest of us Marsden hasn't the foggiest whodunnit and has resorted to random speculation and gossip-mongering to get someone behind bars. Turns out, all she had to do was let Zainab, Bianca and Dot in on a spot of lies and intrigue, and the entire Square was a hotbed of suspicion and fear. Bradley shared shifty looks with Max who then shared shifty looks with Jack. If only Marsden had been in her actual office, when Max and Jack were outside squabbling like a pair of schoolgirls, and squealing the words "BRADLEY DID IT!" between breaths. Ronnie tried to deface the poster of her dad and ended up decking a police officer. Then Max accused Jack, Ronnie accused Phil and Ronnie legged it. Then it turned out that they could sit looking shady all they liked, there's some forensic evidence and it's got the killer's name on it... Reckon you know who did it. Make your prediction while there's still time!
Truly the spawn of Nick Cotton, evil Dotty this week lied to get off school, tried to convince Dot to put Jim in a home, let on that he'd wet himself, conned her grandma into buying her a slap-up breakfast, a new outfit, a go on the swings and another day off. Not bad going for a little un. Dot lost it and gave Dotty a slap. Not comendable behaviour, and evil Dotty decided that Dot deserved to go down for it, calling in the coppers. Surely the daughter of Nasty Nick ought to vapourise within 10 paces of a cop shop? Dot was let off, but she still has a visit from social services to look forward to. That and a lifetime living with Dotty...
And in other news!
Manda and Minty re-enact scene out of Ghost... then split up! Whitney and Todd split up! Whitney and Billy grow closer - ooh! Plus, spotted in the cafe - Â£3.95 for the cake of the day!? Britain may be coming out of recession, but with these prices we'll be straight back in, Beale. We'll have the rice pudding and jam at a slightly more reasonable Â£2.75
*Detective show of olden times
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