BBC Comedy Blog

Hello from Henry 8.0

2009-11-26T14:50:00Z

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King Henry 8.0 writes...

I like the idea of ebuy, or whatever that website's called, but it's not so easy to use when your feedback rating hits rock bottom. Do they not realise I'm the bloody King of England? I'm trying to buy my sixth (and second favourite) wife an Epilady. She says to wait and buy it for her as a Christmas present but the truth is I can't leave it that long. I mean, she's lovely and everything but she is so terribly fuzzy around the leg areas. It's like sleeping next to a Brillo pad. I probably shouldn't say that, she has just been a total love and presented me with a massive bowl of luxury ice-cream with extra nutty bits and a bakewell tart on top. But no, I must get her some shaving equipment if domestic equilibrium is to return to the Tudor household.

I think the trouble with ebuy started when I decided to sell my "Ten Step Fat Attack" DVD. I shifted it in the first day to some bunter in the west country who'd been a little over-enthusiastic with the doughnuts, but I forgot to remove the item from my "For Sale" inventory. When I sold it again the following morning I thought I could improvise a solution and thus greatly increase my profit margin. It turns out that a print-out of a Mr Motivator routine is not deemed as useful in the fat-fighting stakes as the DVD was and I was promptly cussed to within an inch of my online membership. Some nerdy git with a face like a slapped arse even dared to write that from the look of my avatar I should maybe have kept the DVD and used it myself to lessen the considerably porky chops I was sporting. I believe he is inciting a 'flame war' which in my book means he's practically asking me to have him burnt at the stake.

So the problem of buying and selling through this pox-ridden site remains. And it's such a shame since I recently discovered that I own the rights to St James' Park in central London. Apparently I bought it as a hunting ground way back when. If I could only pop that online with a tag of, say, a couple of million, it would keep us both in Vienettas and Ladyshaves for a good long while - with enough left over for an Xbox.

- H8

More pieces of 8.0

Pieces of 8.0

A sneak preview of what you can expect from the recently rediscovered king.

The Book of Faces

Henry gets into a spot of bother with the King of France on Facebook.

Become a fan of Henry 8.0 on Facebook

Brian Blessed plays King Henry 8.0 in our new web-exclusive series. Watch more every Thursday on Comedy Extra.

Doctor Firth looks at drugs

2009-11-25T12:00:00Z

There's a doctor in the house, so be quiet. It's Dr. Firth, and I get paid more than you. I shall answer your questions no matter how worthless they are.

Letter from Wanda:

Do champions use drugs?

Wanda, listen to me very carefully. I'm not only a doctor, but also a scientist, and I have a fair amount of darts trophies - which makes me a champion of sorts, wouldn't you agree? (please don't respond to that, I don't waste time on follow ups).

Most of my life I've been chasing the dragon, and I think I'm gaining on him. He was last seen in Huddersfield. So my answer is probably yes, but it's a narrow yes, surrounded by possible uncertainty. I have recently been developing a new drug that may actually help people win the lottery. This would usher in a whole new era of drug-taking champions, but also may de-value the pound I've been told. However it was an armchair economist that told me that so I'm not 100%. I realise you may not have understood all my doctory jargon there, so my short answer is a capitalised YES.

January Jones says: I have been addicted to other peoples' test results for a few years now. Sure, it can be an inconvenience at times, but apart from that I have experienced no negative side effects.

Kelvin in Otley says: I started writing a book once, but never got around to finishing it.

- Thanks chaps.

Letter from Keith Braggit:

Last night I dreamt I was a slave in a Colombian brothel. Is there any drug I can take to dream the exact same thing tonight? I feel I have unfinished business there.

Keith, I would usually recommend every drug I know of, regardless of negative side effects or whether they would work, but in this case I would advise you to stay sober. My best advise would be to get a ticket to Colombia and find that brothel. You may end up walking into the greatest opportunity of your life. You weren't very specific in your question but I think I know what you're talking about.

Letter from a Staffordshire Lad:

I took a boatload of old drugs I found, and dreamt up the idea of "tinned sandwiches". Do you think I should take this idea on Dragons' Den or just try and raise the money myself?

Well lad, your first mistake was telling me, because I'm a patent whore. I'm also a patient whore, and sit for hours not selling myself, but allowing myself to sell itself without advertisement. Have I confused you? Of course I have, because I'm a doctor, and I've just patented the greatest idea you've ever had.

To upgrade your brain on this subject slightly, my resident moving pictures expert Jerry Jackson has prepared a small animated offering:

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More from David Firth on BBC Comedy

Doctor Firth and Jerry Jackson are the twisted brainwrongs of David Firth who animated the severely creepy web phenomenon Salad Fingers, introduced the notorious Devvo to the world, and a whole lot more.

Miranda goes to the gym

2009-11-23T14:00:00Z

Bonjourno to you (Italian). How have you been? I've missed you.

Hopefully the fact that you are reading this, means you are in to the show. Hurrah for you and thank you. This week's episode is about braving the gym, realising it's not for me, then desperately trying to get out of the gym membership. Filming the montage of attempting the gym was worryingly exhausting, although I would like to point out that the sweat on my t-shirt was fake. I was sprayed with water under the pits etc - it was rather nice on a hot June filming day.

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The yoga ball 'stunt' in this episode... I like to think it is stunt work. Call me Michael Crawford. The crew were really worried about me doing it. I said I am going to put two yoga balls slightly apart, run up to them, my torso will be on the front one and my legs on the second and I will travel across the gym. They asked how I knew it would be safe (insurance issues galore) and I had to admit I had done it before! Although I had done it with very large rolls of bubble wrap in an office when I was an office manager. (We all get our kicks somehow.) Go on, when you are next at the gym, I dare you...

Enjoy this weeks ep do.

Miranda (the sitcom) continues tonight at 8.30pm on BBC Two. Read more from Miranda (the lady) before each episode here on the Comedy Blog.

Beautiful People - the Eurovision episode

2009-11-20T15:40:00Z

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Now you might have expected that, like last week this blog would have been written by Jonathan Harvey (the writer of the show) but he has come up with an excuse which, as excuses go, is even better than "the dog ate my homework".

His excuse is - wait for it - "I broke my internet!" Purlease! Anyway, it means that you get the musings of the Exec Producer of Beautiful People, me. Before you ask, the answer to the question "what does an Executive Producer do exactly?" is "turn up at the location for lunch and laugh". Both of those things were easy on this show because we had fantastic catering from caterers who were very funny.

Anyway, on to the episode in which we got to recreate the Eurovision Song Contest of 1998 which was held in Birmingham and hosted by Terry Wogan and Ulrika Jonson. Now I realise that the first broadcast of this episode is on Children in Need night so there may be quite a lot of Woganphobes in our audience, desperately trying to escape newspeople using charity as an excuse to do other peoples' jobs, badly.

Panic not - he only appears for a second near the end but it is quite an important second because at the songfest in question, the winner was Israeli man-become-woman Dana International and on that night in 1998 there was a big gap between the announcement of her winning and her appearance to reprise the winning song- (Viva La Diva, if you care). Jonathan (I broke my internet) Harvey has imagined what was going on backstage. Obviously it was to do with Simon and Kylie who had locked themselves in the disabled toilet backstage just as Ms International wanted to change frock. Obviously.

By the magic of brilliant Location Manager and a persistent Producer we recreated the Birmingham concert in an empty Wembley Arena with the real Dana International flown in from Israel for the shoot and not looking a day older. Empty Wembley was just plain spooky because the normal TV circus you need to shoot the show looked tiny in vastness of the Arena - the Arena that we kept being reminded has a swimming pool underneath, which made it feel spooky and slightly dangerous. Needless to say the ghosts of Cher and Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi and their audiences were kind and we got out unscathed and dry.

One of the other joys of this episode for me are the gay neighbours - or "gaybours" as Debbie would have them - played by Tom Paine and Rory Kinear. We were fantastically lucky to get them. Rory especially is one of the busiest and best actors on the planet who is going to play Hamlet next year at the National Theatre. If his portrayal of 'Ross Kemp' for us is anything to go by, the Dane will be magnificent. He and Tom just make brilliant choices about what they do with characters and with lines. Watch Rory trying to pick up Andy and see what he does with 'Sleepy Bunny'!

Thank you for reading, watching and being fabulous!

More Beautiful People

Browse our behind-the-scenes gallery on Flickr
Watch the making of the Doonan's Eurovision song on Comedy Extra

Jon Plowman is Executive Producer of Beautiful People, which continues tonight at 9.30pm on BBC Two.

Richard Bacon on being in The Thick of It

2009-11-19T17:20:20Z

Richard Bacon writes...

In the same week that I interviewed Armando Iannucci on my real 5 live programme, my closest friend Marc spoke to him on XFM. As huge TV comedy fans in general (and Armando in particular), we met at the weekend to compare notes. I remember him saying, "When Armando's sitting opposite you, don't you wish he'd write you in to something?".

"Ha ha. Ha ha ha..." is how I started my call to Marc a month later. Not only had Armando stuck me in this show but elements of it are inspired by that late night trip to 5 live.

Marc, try harder next time. Perhaps you could try interrupting the interview at regular intervals to say, "coming next, are clowns funny?". He seemed to like that. Then, towards the end, have a clown in full regalia sit next to him. That's what I did.

The first script meeting was exciting. It had a fallen-down-the-rabbit-hole feel to it. Not only was I watching Peter Capaldi bring Malcolm Tucker to life in front of me but these fictional characters (that I love) were using my name. Oh my God I'm talking to Peter Mannion (pictured). And Terri. They're real. I can touch them (I didn't).

The toys in the toy cupboard had come to life.

I remember ringing a friend afterwards and saying I'd have been no less excited if somebody had given me a part in Fawlty Towers (actually that friend was Marc, felt like rubbing chilli salt into his jealousy wound).

Having never done any acting, I have nothing to compare this experience to - but the process was fascinating.

The first draft the cast saw was the fifth one. Everyone initially read word for word what was on the page. The next day we returned, only this time the script was more of a guide. Armando and the other writers took notes as everyone improvised (this meant I could hold sustained conversations with them when they were in character. Boss. I once did some thing similar with Jon Culshaw's Dale Winton impression in a pub. He didn't like it. I did).

The final script incorporated some of those adlibs and the process, as scripted, then looser, was repeated in front of the cameras.

Armando is very calm and laid back as he directs. All the cast are delightful. I spent so long interviewing Rebecca Front and Roger Alam (Murray and Mannion) that it became indistinguishable from a real radio programme.

Peter Capaldi is warm, mild mannered, courteous and charming. You really couldn't accuse him of playing himself. Unlikely anyone would send him a c*** cake.

In the scene where he bollocks my producer he came up with different terms of abuse for every take. Funny every time. Astonishing to watch.

And as with every episode of The Thick of It there's an awful lot of decent material that didn't make it: one of my favourite lines in the script involved Mannion and Phil talking about a "shit sandwich" and the reaction one might have upon tasting it. If anyone involved in the compilation of the DVD extras is reading this, please include it. Thanks.

For the record (grandly implying that anyone cares) my favourite characters are Terri and Glenn. Give them a spin off. But for God's sake make it better than Joey.

Richard Bacon will be interviewing The Thick of It's Chris Addison on his show tonight from 10.30pm on BBC Radio 5 live.

Out of The Thick of It
Another chance to see this week's Red Button bonus material:

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Watch Peter Mannion and Nicola Murray's 5 live debate on The Thick of It this Saturday at 10.20pm on BBC Two. Read more about The Thick of It on the Comedy Blog.

Psychoville will return

2009-11-19T13:00:00Z

That's right. It's coming back. Head over to the Psychoville website for a special announcement.

The following contains spoilers, so don't read on if you haven't seen the final episode of series one...

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So, what's become of the characters caught in the Ravenhill explosion?

Here's what Steve Pemberton told Richard Bacon about the matter a few months ago at an internal BBC event, before the second series had been commissioned:

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What do you think is in store for Psychoville?

More Psychoville

Revisit the websites of your favourite Psychoville characters - Jelly, David, Joy... can you find them all?
Read posts from Steve and Reece in the blog archive

Jack Dee and Peter Capaldi in The News at Bedtime

2009-11-19T12:06:00Z

Ladybird Ladybird in Arson Probe
Shoe Woman in Fertility Trials
'I Defied Hunting Ban' says Bunting Baby Dad

Here's something new to look forward to as you hibernate this Christmas: The News at Bedtime.

Inspired by their column for Private Eye, writers Ian Hislop and Nick Newman have created an in-depth news analysis programme covering the latest events... in the world of Nursery Rhymes and Fairy Tales.

The News at Bedtime is introduced by twin presenters John Tweedledum (Jack Dee) and Jim Tweedledee (Peter Capaldi) - who argue and disagree with everyone - and sometimes each other. They are not at all related to Humphrys and Naughtie.

This is serious broadcasting: The News At Bedtime addresses the zeitgeist issues of today and once upon a time; Humpty Dumpty's great fall, the worrying story of Jack and the Genetically Modified Beanstalk and the celebrity wedding of the owl to the pussycat, to name but three.

The series is produced by Simon Nicholls and will co-star Chris Addison, Lucy Montgomery, Vicki Pepperdine, Dan Tetsell, Lewis MacLeod and Alex MacQueen.

I was in the studio during recording, stealing biscuits, taking photos and snooping around, so look out for a photo gallery here on the blog in the next few weeks.

The News at Bedtime starts on Radio 4 this Christmas Eve.

College of Comedy success with The Inn Mates

2009-11-18T17:41:00Z

The BBC College of Comedy scheme for training the comedy writers of the future launched in 2008, attracting support from leading writers including Armando Iannucci, Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong, Simon Nye, Jeremy Dyson, Susan Nickson and Hugo Blick.

Now BBC Three has commissioned The Inn Mates, the first pilot to be developed through the scheme. Written by Manchester-based writer and comedian John Warburton, the script focuses on a group of people, some friends and some strangers, who eat Sunday lunch at The King's Ransom.

With the pub as a central location, the show also goes out and about to follow the lives of the regulars, who include a happily married couple; an unhappily married couple; a son trying to forge a relationship with his sperm donor dad; a 'free and easy' young woman in search of true love; two old women who haunt the smoking shelter; and a pair of community support officers whose dramatic fantasies will never be matched by reality.

John said, "I am incredibly chuffed the BBC have decided to pilot this. Over the last 20 years I have spent a great deal of time drinking in pubs in the name of research and this means I can now claim the whole lot back against tax. The College of Comedy is a superlative scheme, it has been invaluable to me as a writer in terms of learning and support".

Congratulations John!

Read more about the development of The Inn Mates in a post by Creative Head of the BBC College of Comedy Micheal Jacob over on the Writersroom blog.

The Miraculous McIntyre Mimic Machine

2009-11-17T17:00:04Z

Subscribers to our YouTube Channel may already have spotted this - but here's a fun little thing we've come up with: your chance to generate your own Michael McIntyre routine.

Of course, it isn't really the illustrious Mr McIntyre, but Jon Culshaw in full flow for The Impressions Show. Have a play! Can you make it to the end...?

The Impressions Show continues on Saturdays at 9.35pm on BBC One.

When Miranda saw the Doctor...

2009-11-16T14:00:00Z

Well my friends, hello again. It's Monday - that can only mean one thing - you are beside yourself with excitement about seeing Episode Two of my show.

In the unlikely event that is the case then we have a little clip for you. Don't say I don't treat you right. And this clip involves a guest star from this episode. None other than Peter Davison. Yes, hark at me, I only got a Doctor to star in the show:

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And for any Doctor Who fans out there (I don't want to stereo-type but I imagine those of you interested in blogs might have an interest in sci-fi) then I have tiny titbits for you. Sarah Hadland, who plays Stevie, ends up kissing Peter Davison in this episode, and that will be her second on screen kiss with a Doctor. She kissed David Tenant in Learners. And I can also reveal that Patricia Hodge once sucked Tom Baker's toe - although she didn't say whether that was professional or personal. Either way, the image isn't ideal, let's be honest.

I would also like you to know that the speech in tonight's episode about the sex education video was completely true - no wonder it wasn't until my mid-20s that I could talk to men without giggling shyly.

Till next week... have good ones all round please, and thank you to all the people who have been watching, are still watching and for all the lovely comments. It means a lot, as it turns out its quite scary having your own show out!

Miranda (the sitcom) continues tonight at 8.30pm on BBC Two. Read more from Miranda (the lady) before each episode here on the Comedy Blog.

The Thick of It's Joanna Scanlan on playing Terri

2009-11-13T10:00:00Z

Joanna Scanlan writes...

Terri Coverley's natural habitat is the Buckingham Palace Garden Party. She's already been invited on six occasions. If Terri is not actually in attendance at The Palace, then she likes to dress as though she is, and luckily she can afford all those super jackets, because as a Senior Civil Servant she earns a good deal more than the Minister, even if she did take a pay cut when she was head hunted from Waitrose.

Ms Terri Coverley was born out of my own experience working for three years as the Combined Arts Officer at The Arts Council of Great Britain, as was, just round the corner from Millbank. I observed political chicanery amongst the sets of pearls and cut glass accents, even partaking in some myself. And most importantly for my understanding of the world of The Thick of It, I smelled the heady, seductive common-sense slaying wiff of POWER. Like diamorphine, it can take you on a dance through sedation, euphoria, tolerance and dependency, but like any opiate, you can OD all too easily - as all Terri's five previous Ministers have proved.

Terri herself, of course, has immunity to the dark arts, vaccinated by the fact she's not remotely interested in Politics. She'd rather take a wine tour round Bordeaux. Or discuss the latest Booker Prize nominees at her Tuesday night Book Group. All those personal insults that cascade through DoSAC are like water off a duck's back to her, and she simply doesn't hear the bad language, choosing to ignore the behaviour as you might an infant's tantrums.

Never a true target of Malcolm's venomous spleen, Terri has enjoyed a 'Special Relationship' with him, mirrored in my own relationship with Peter Capaldi. So, when Jo Brand, Vicki Pepperdine and I were developing Getting On, I knew that I wanted to work with Peter. He's a true renaissance man. His fine eye for absurdity within the everyday, his compassion and his Scottish roots (I am from Wales) gave us an artistic meeting place.

Armando Iannucci has put together a team on The Thick of It that is maxxed out on talent behind, in front and sideways of the camera and what an inspiration it is to be a part of. Even if I do have to wear the colour-me-beautiful suits that match June's herbaceous borders at Buck House.

Out of The Thick of It

In case you missed it, here's the latest Thick of It bonus material from the Red Button:

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The Thick of It continues on Saturday night at 10.10pm on BBC Two.

Return of the Beautiful People

2009-11-12T14:08:00Z

Hoorah, it's back! And even more fabulous than ever! I'm so glad the BBC had the huge intelligence, wit and insight to bring Beautiful People back for a second series. It was such a laugh to write, and hopefully it will make you laugh too. If not, I can't promise you your license fee back, but if you ever bump into me in the street (I look a bit like Mr Bean, but with nicer slacks) then feel free to tell me 'You're just not funny Harvey'. A lot of people do.

In Episode One, Simon finds out that his Mum and Dad never got married, so he plans a big wedding for them, themed to one of his favourite movies (clue: It's not Die Hard II) and needless to say, the day doesn't go quite as planned. A wedding cake gets thrown, there's shocking news from Ashlene, and Kylie turns up in drag. (Okay, so that was planned, forgive me, I'm getting a bit carried away with myself).

Fans of Series One will be delighted to hear that the actress Tameka Empson is back. With a vengeance. You may remember in series one she played barmy hairdresser Tameka (I wrote the part for her, could you guess?) but we killed her off. Don't despair, this episode she reappears as her identical cousin Johoyo from Nigeria. A woman who often speaks in the third person. She too is a hairdresser (or so she says) and she is enlisted to do Debbie's hair for the big day.

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Oh yes, one more thing, there are no scenes in New York this series. I wanted to free the bookends up, so each episode opens and closes with Older Simon now back in England, starting his life afresh. His boyfriend's dumped him so he's left New York and come home to stay with Mum. (Watch out for Olivia Colman ageing up to look 45. Boy can that girl work crow's feet)

I'm going to sign off for now, but I'll be back very soon to fill you in on the THRILLING goings on backstage with the... Beautiful People. 'til then, get a few mates in, crack open something pink, put your feet up and enjoy Episode One.

Behind the Scenes

Browse our behind-the-scenes gallery from Episode One.

Jonathan Harvey wrote Beautiful People. Series Two begins on Friday night at 10pm on BBC Two.

Catch up with Gavin & Stacey

2009-11-10T17:33:00Z

The wait is nearly over. This November, Gavin & Stacey returns for a whole new series on BBC One!

Here's a short and tidy catch-up to remind you of the story so far:

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So, what can you expect from the new series? Most significantly, Gavin starts a new job in Cardiff. Yes - that Cardiff. Near Barry. In Wales. And, for the first time, the sun comes out on the happy families, which means they all get to go down the beach. It's also likely to be the final series of the show.

Here's Rob Brydon, who plays Uncle Bryn, with more:

The third series of Gavin & Stacey is back on BBC One. Hurrah! Tell us about it. What's new?

Nessa and Dave are living in Dave's caravan; Gavin's working in Cardiff and Bryn's delighted.

It must be nice having Gavin and Stacey living back in Barry. Uncle Bryn seems to have quite a soft spot for Gavin...

I think he's thrilled to have Gavin living across the road.

How do you feel about this series being the last ever one? Was it more exciting or emotional to film?

It was lovely to see everyone again. We were filming in the summer, which was unusual for us; we usually shoot up to Christmas so it was a different atmosphere in as much as the weather was nice. I felt a little sad, though, knowing that this was the last series.

Who will you miss working with the most?

I suppose I'd have to say Ruth, we've known each other for years and it's been lovely working so closely with her on the show and the spin-offs like the record for Comic Relief.

In one of the episodes we hear Bryn joins Gavin and Smithy for a lad's night out. Can you tell us about it?

Bryn goes out into Cardiff with the boys and tries to keep up with their pace. It doesn't go quite to plan.

Must have been fun having all the boys stay over?

Yes it must...

What is your favourite bit from the new series?

I haven't seen it but I loved Dawn and Pete renewing their vows.

We loved loved loved Uncle Bryn's version of the James Blunt classic. Any plans to sing in this series?

Maybe. Be sure to watch the first episode!

What would you like to think Uncle Bryn is doing in 10 years' time?

The same as he's doing now, but slower.

Now Gavin & Stacey is finished, what's next?

I'm on tour.

Please put us all out of our misery. Do we find out what happens on that fishing trip?

Your misery shall continue...

Rob Brydon was speaking to the BBC Press Office.

Get ready for Miranda

2009-11-09T14:00:00Z

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So here we are. It's show time. Episode One tonight.

Episode One was the pilot episode we recorded early 2008, although there have been a few changes since then. The main one was casting Patricia Hodge as Penny, my mother. I was thrilled she said yes. A little nervous too. She predominantly plays high status parts and I imagined she might be a little aloof and well, scary. Not at all thankfully.

Obviously the show is filmed in a studio in front of a live audience, but there are the odd bits that have to be filmed on location. Our first day on location we did the Episode One scenes. And that involved, as you will see tonight, the mother character fainting outside a shop in a busy high street. So on the first day's filming, it was "hello Patricia, lovely to meet you, thanks for doing this, now we just need you to faint on to this grubby Hounslow pavement - ok, action...".

I was amused to see someone sweeping the pavement before she had to lie on it. I thought, that's nice, I do lots of falling over in this show, perhaps that will be a precedent. Let me tell you - I have yet to be swept for. I am still waiting.

Hope you enjoy the show tonight. I can't believe it's going out (this has been years in the coming). My career either takes off or comes to a said end tonight...!

I want it to take off, principally so someone can sweep before I fall. I am gunning for a sweeping (not a euphemism).

Miranda (the sitcom) starts tonight at 8.30pm on BBC Two. Read more from Miranda (the lady) before each episode here on the Comedy Blog.

Security announcement

2009-11-05T17:23:00Z

Hi I'm Axel Peters, I'm creative director here at Chaos Laboratories. We're a forward-thinking company. We work at the cutting edge of the bio-tech revolution. We're developing stuff right here, right now, that you guys may not see for 20 or 30 years - unless it climbs out of a window!

Which brings me to the main reason I'm writing these words. Yesterday, something Dave was working on, may or may not have crawled off a lab desk, opened a heavy door, made it's way past our state of the art security system and out into the fields at the back. Now whoa! I'm not saying there's any danger as a direct result of this, no way! in fact it might not have even got out at all.

There's a chance it could well still be in the building somewhere - and when I say "it", "it" is a kind of red thing with thin legs and a beak - hard to explain but you'll know it when you see it, which hopefully you won't - so probably no worries on that score.

Steve on the front desk reckons he might have seen it round the back of the car park, but it could've been a chicken with a coat on, or a fox. Anyway I don't think we should panic about this as we've like 'misplaced' stuff in the past, and most of the time this shit is so biologically unstable the internal organs pack in after a few hours and all you've got left is a pile of mush which our expert retrieval team just hoover up and fling in a bin. Hey that's bio-genetic science, right?! You cant win 'em all. So ah yeah, try and ignore it, it's probably nothing...

Okay.

Great talking to you guys!

Also I'd like to take this opportunity to re-assure our shareholders that this shouldn't affect the end of year dividend stuff or the reputation of the company.

Great!