Look Away Now
ITV1 is forced to pull series two of Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Wind-Ups. A spokesman admitted that the cheeky pranks of the first series had been replaced by a series of vengeful punishment beatings, which weren't appropriate for a mainstream audience.
Fabio Capello denies that the reason Marks & Spencer's were chosen to supply the England team suits was so that the players can take them back as soon as they get knocked out.
South African tourist board admits that its slogan "The 2010 World Cup in South Africa: Honestly, it'll be Fine" did not on reflection send out the right message.
England players admit that after practising with the new Adidas Jabulani ball, reputedly the roundest football ever, it's clear to them that all the balls they'd played with previously were basically cubes.
And scientists determine that the three most annoying things a non-football fan can say to a football fan during the World Cup are, in reverse order:
3. We don't they put all the players in goal? Then no-one could score.
2. Could the referee have a green card for when a player does something really good?
1. Why are you so upset? It's only a game.
Chatting with Beckham
David Beckham is Look Away Now's special correspondent for the World Cup. He'll be helping out in any way he can - listen to his introduction here:
The new series of the topical sports comedy show Look Away Now starts Thursday 10th June at 6.30pm on Radio 4. If you miss it, don't worry - you can download it as a podcast.
Headlines by the Look Away Now writing team. Illustration by Dipak Patel.