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[John Keller] Ducks

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John Keller | 15:25 UK time, Monday, 8 March 2010

I'm John Keller and this is my web area. As you can see after years of correspondence (inc. urine samples) the BBC has finally agreed to broadcast my Truth(TM) - I hope not too late.

CV (Curriculum Veritatis)
I was a successful record company executive until the first of my nine main revelations. After the fourth one ("El Biggie"), I parted company with EMI and have washed up here as the BBC's Truth Correspondent.

Now, with my colleague Helen Atwill, I am working undercover in this psychiatric institution to show how the Powers are marginalising truthspeakers with the label "mentally ill." The BBC has agreed to serialise our findings (see clip, below) but to preserve then from interference by Powers they cannot be broadcast on the terrestrial networks - thankfully cyberspace is still safe from the controlling lunacy of cranks, so these will be going out on the BBC Truth Online website.

Helen and I are posing as Doctor and Patient and she has even come up with a 'condition' for me - fun! The food is not great here but the ethos is 'indoorsy' - which suits me.

Bulletin 1: 01 Feb 2010 AD

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Now, read on for the Case Notes of Dr Helen Atwill...

Case Notes of Dr Helen Atwill (DPsych (Prof), MSc, BD, AKC, MTh, UKCP)

Initial interviews with Subject going well. On a personal note I feel conflicted that Subject's condition should be broadcast publicly but as BBC Psychiatry Online have been supporting this important research there is no choice - in any case I had underestimated his ability to post-rationalise his circumstances. He seems, for example, to have convinced hmself that these clinical records are in fact his own personal "web area."

Owing probably to his personal history in the music business, The Brit Awards have been preoccupying JK this week and in the clip you can see he is quite definite about the Outstanding Contribution Award.

Here is the graph he produced this week measuring the number of ducks in Howard Donald's name - as you see, "literally off the chart":
TakeThattributesTranscript: supplementary Q&A

Dr Atwill: John, in our interview you discussed Jason Orange's future career as a radio Disc Jockey - you referred to this as a Bilderberg project. Can you back this up at all?

John Keller: Not only can I back it up, I can back it up, park it and empty the boot. And check the tyres:

Fig 1.
2-fig-1-pnP was measured as a function of n for the period JUL 2008 (J) - MAY 2009 (M). The girth of the P-ness is fairly narrow, with a low of 16.2 in June 2008 and peaking at 21.3 in April 2009. A bit abstract perhaps? No relevance in the real world?

Fig 2.

fig-2-sierra-burana-rangeThis is the Sierra Burana mountain range in Colombia, meeting place of the Bilderberg Group. And let's see what happens when Fig 1 is merged with Fig 2...

Fig 3.

Fig. 3Coincidence? Nope. Those passing this lake may see ducks on it. Which one is a Senator? Exactly.

Fig 1 DetailIf you regard the initials of the months in Fig. 1, you will see that they spell out "Jason, DJ, FM/AM" in a career prediction as old as our Gregorian Calendar.

Even five hundred Years ago, Pope Gregory knew that while purebred duckblood Howard Donald would rise to dominate politics in the first of many Bush-Obama-Donald-Bush sequences this century, it would be Jason Orange who would be the voice spreading the lies over the airwaves and spreading the tears of innocents on his sandwiches. Salty, wet, Bilderberg sandwiches.


Subject's Photoshop skills are respectable but the same cannot be said for his grasp of reality. The combination of 75% analytical logic and 25% wild invention seems to give him an addictive emotional cocktail of apparent mental strength and apparent messianic inspiration, leading to feelings of (a) momentum and (b) importance. This self-experience is so seductive that I cannot yet convince him to sacrifice it for a less satisfying reality.

Subject's extreme theories about powerful figures meeting in exclusive groups because of their biological difference (ducks/aliens) are a rationalisation of his own feelings of exclusion: he is excluded not for personal reasons but because he is not a duck. I believe Subject is fundamentally troubled by a sense of his own ordinariness and it is worth noting that his inability to accept life on more moderate terms is problematic because it is extreme - the tendency is universal. HA

John Keller and Dr Helen Atwill are the inventions of Dan Antopolski.



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