Doctor Firth looks at drugs
Letter from Wanda:
Do champions use drugs?
Wanda, listen to me very carefully. I'm not only a doctor, but also a scientist, and I have a fair amount of darts trophies - which makes me a champion of sorts, wouldn't you agree? (please don't respond to that, I don't waste time on follow ups).
Most of my life I've been chasing the dragon, and I think I'm gaining on him. He was last seen in Huddersfield. So my answer is probably yes, but it's a narrow yes, surrounded by possible uncertainty. I have recently been developing a new drug that may actually help people win the lottery. This would usher in a whole new era of drug-taking champions, but also may de-value the pound I've been told. However it was an armchair economist that told me that so I'm not 100%. I realise you may not have understood all my doctory jargon there, so my short answer is a capitalised YES.
January Jones says: I have been addicted to other peoples' test results for a few years now. Sure, it can be an inconvenience at times, but apart from that I have experienced no negative side effects.
Kelvin in Otley says: I started writing a book once, but never got around to finishing it.
- Thanks chaps.
Letter from Keith Braggit:
Last night I dreamt I was a slave in a Colombian brothel. Is there any drug I can take to dream the exact same thing tonight? I feel I have unfinished business there.
Keith, I would usually recommend every drug I know of, regardless of negative side effects or whether they would work, but in this case I would advise you to stay sober. My best advise would be to get a ticket to Colombia and find that brothel. You may end up walking into the greatest opportunity of your life. You weren't very specific in your question but I think I know what you're talking about.
Letter from a Staffordshire Lad:
I took a boatload of old drugs I found, and dreamt up the idea of "tinned sandwiches". Do you think I should take this idea on Dragons' Den or just try and raise the money myself?
Well lad, your first mistake was telling me, because I'm a patent whore. I'm also a patient whore, and sit for hours not selling myself, but allowing myself to sell itself without advertisement. Have I confused you? Of course I have, because I'm a doctor, and I've just patented the greatest idea you've ever had.
To upgrade your brain on this subject slightly, my resident moving pictures expert Jerry Jackson has prepared a small animated offering:
David Firth who animated the severely creepy web phenomenon Salad Fingers, introduced the notorious Devvo to the world, and a whole lot more.