Review of the week
As the nation prepared to go to the polls, Harry Redknapp was the man ticking all the right boxes.
Tottenham's win at Eastlands saw them clinch the final Champions League spot, just 19 months after Redknapp arrived with the team bottom of the league, having taken just two points from eight games, although he never likes to talk about that.
In a game laden with potential riches, Peter Crouch was the $60m dollar man who sent his team-mates bionic, although he disappointingly failed to pull out the robot for his goal celebrations. Perhaps he's saving that for the World Cup final. Ahem.
Meanwhile 'Arry got drenched in water by his players in his post-match interview, with one hack drily observing that he would probably be turning it into wine later.
The Spurs boss is not a big fan of the demon drink, but you can bet he'll make an exception this weekend when he dons his best whistle to take the trouble and strife daaan the rub-a-dub for a bottle of Calvin Klein and a plate of pie and mash. Mind you, any thoughts of such hi-jinks must have been a long way from his mind when Crouchy hit the beans on toast early doors.
Champions League that way!
In the interests of balance, I watched the game in a Spurs pub with a Man City fan, who, I have to say, took the defeat remarkably graciously. Although when one of the locals crowed about where they had finished in the league, I swore I heard him mumble: "Go fourth and multiply."
In the wake of Tottenham's win, all the old boys from the glory, glory days were being wheeled out to give their verdict on the first European Cup appearance since 1962, when Sean Connery was starring in his first Bond film and the term Fab Four had nothing to do with league positions
The 'Spurs mafia' in this office were predictably out in full force, handing out cakes and pointing out that their proud tradition of lifting a trophy when the year ends in one means the Champions League trophy is virtually in the bag. Not so sure about that, although if it means Chas 'n' Dave reunite to do another song, I'm all for it.
While 'Arry was working his magic in Manchester, his former club West Ham were rolling out the claret and blue carpet for their former stars attending Academy Director Tony Carr's testimonial.
Rio Ferdinand played 27 minutes alongside brother Anton, while the Chelsea trio of Joe Cole, John Terry and Frank Lampard sat giggling on the sidelines in their Hammers tops.
They all got a decent reception, much to Frank's surprise, although as 'clawhammer' on West Ham fan site Knees Up Mother Brown, put it: "Terry & Lampard both went up in my estimation because it took some balls to turn up, never mind sign autographs. I still think they are both *$!%@ but fair play to them."
It'll certainly be interesting to hear the treatment they get the next time they visit Upton Park, but you can bet that if Chelsea contrive to lose their next two games, they'll be treated to choruses of "You're forever blowing doubles."
Ferdinand, meanwhile, told Four FourTwo magazine that he planned to join Duran Duran for a re-recording of 'Rio' if he lifts the World Cup in July.
The band already have plans in place to re-touch the song should the England captain return home a winner, but Rio insisted: "I want to be the front man! Simon Le Bon's gone. Just give me a couple of bars."
Can I humbly suggest that in the unlikely event England do win the World Cup, the only bars the fans will be interested in will have already been drunk dry.
In the same magazine, Wayne Rooney revealed the secret behind his magnificent season - chocolate breakfast cereal. The striker said: "I tend to just have cereal before a game, probably a bowl of Coco Pops. The normal ones, not the Moons and Stars." Good to see that fatherhood has matured him.
One player who may have to build a few bridges with Rooney in South Africa is Steven Gerrard, after his crazy backpass let in Didier Drogba to set up Chelsea's win at Anfield and all but clinch the title.
The incident inevitably sparked conspiracy theories about the skipper doing everything in his power to stop Manchester United overhauling Liverpool's record of league titles,
Sir Alex Ferguson called it "a great gift" and was probably none too amused by banners dotted around Anfield reading 'Cockneys for a day' and 'Gary Neville or Chelsea?'
Fergie's former assistant Steve McClaren answered his critics in style by leading FC Twente to their first-ever Dutch league title. It rained during their 2-0 win at NAC Breda, but McClaren wisely chose not to get out the brolly on this occasion.
In other news, Sheffield Wednesday's relegation meant Brian Laws has had a hand in taking two clubs down this season - he'll be known as the Laws of average from now on - while Coventry parted company with Chris Coleman...that's the way the Cookie crumbles.
There was better news for Ian Holloway's Blackpool, who qualified for the play-offs, although the result of the week was undoubtedly the 6-6 draw between Motherwell and Hibs, a scoreline that had people rubbing their eyes in disbelief. I remember when QPR drew 5-5 against Newcastle in the 80s after being 4-0 down at half-time, but this takes the biscuit.
Kirk Bradley and his tattoo (pic credit News Team International)
And finally, story of the week concerns the Manchester City fan who thought it was a good idea to get a large tattoo last year depicting his club as the 2011 Champions League winners.
Kirk Bradley remarked at the time: "While I was in the pub one night I was saying how I thought we'd win the Champions League next season and my friend turned to me and said 'if you're so sure why don't you have it tattooed?'
"He was obviously joking, so you can imagine his face when I turned around and said 'OK then'. Indeed.
The 25-year-old was asked what would happen if City didn't win the Champions League and he added: "I don't even want to think about it - and I don't think I'll have to. I'm sure I would get a lot of stick from my mates though." Surely not?
Right, that's it. No more football for us Championship also-rans, which is doubly gutting after I was forced to miss last week's finale against Newcastle due to my eldest being poorly.
I did, however, make it out to the Camden Crawl on Sunday, where I was bizarrely served drinks in the Dublin Castle by Amy Winehouse, while the lead singer of Babybird pointed me out to the crowd and kindly announced that Danny Dyer was in the building. I think I preferred the Craig Charles comparisons.
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