Quotes of the week
"Wenger always finds an excuse but football is not about playing nice passes or how much possession you have. Good football is about winning games and that is what we do when we play Arsenal."
Michael Ballack bites back at Arsenal Wenger after the Arsenal boss said "we didn't get a demonstration of football" from Chelsea in their 2-0 win over the Gunners.
"He'll go bald, lose his teeth and legs, but he'll always have that technique and touch of a top player."
Birmingham boss Alex McLeish paints an attractive picture of 36-year-old striker Kevin Phillips, who came on to score both goals in the 2-1 defeat of Wolves.
"How do I keep so sharp? I'm not - I'm knackered!"
Heroism comes at a price for Phillips.
"It happens every night - about three o'clock in the morning."
Ipswich boss Roy Keane on his recurring nightmares about relegation.
Shame you can't play QPR every week, eh Roy? Ed.
You wouldn't like him when he's angry
"Yes I was angry, but I don't shout and scream. There's no hairdryer here."
Roberto Mancini loses his cool but doesn't turn up the heat after Man City's defeat at Hull.
"This is a question which I think I've got 2,500,083 times."
Hearts manager Csaba Laszlo gets riled by queries about new players, but the club ensured he would not have to field any more by sacking him a few hours later.
"We would like to play with a 5-5-2 formation which would leave us compact and
able to hit them on the counter-attack, and then we will park the team bus in
the 18-yard box right in front of the goal."
Mainz coach Thomas Tuchel prepares to face Bayern Munich with 12 men and a bus.
"The idea of having something implanted from a corpse takes a while to get
your head around but it worked brilliantly for me."
New Burnley goalkeeper Nicky Weaver is dead happy with his cartilage transplant operation.
"I don't think you've got any viewers left. It was an abysmal game to be
Sunderland boss Steve Bruce is brutally honest after his side's 0-0 draw with Stoke on ESPN.
"I feel like a little young boy that has his toy in his hands and just enjoys
Michael Schumacher on testing his new boy's toy - the Mercedes Silver Arrow.
"I'm normally a one goal every four seasons man, so three in one night is
unbelievable. I think I was a day too late, I could have perhaps gone for four
or five million yesterday!"
Crystal Palace's emergency striker Danny Butterfield on his six-minute FA Cup hat-trick against Wolves, the day after the transfer window closed.
"I've asked the wife for a twin-engine helicopter or the socks that no-one ever thinks to buy me for my birthday. But I'd settle for three points against Birmingham."
Mick McCarthy, who turned 51 on Sunday.
Oh well, maybe he got the socks - Ed.
"If you think you've seen a better goal than Ryan's this weekend, then you're drunk!"
Acrrington Stanley manager John Coleman salutes Jimmy Ryan's cracking late winner against Morecambe.
"It was like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in there - and I was Jack Nicholson."
Vinnie Jones on being in Celebrity Big Brother.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"He took a sore one and when he came off the park he looked like Steve Bruce."
Dundee United manager Peter Houston after Mihael Kovacevic suffered a broken nose against Kilmarnock.
(Fraser Smart, Scotland)
"I think in any England team, be it football, rugby or cricket, you should have 11 captains."
Ex-England striker Mark Hateley. Why can't the other four rugby players be captains?
(Jack Tappin, England)
"Celtic manager Tony Mowbray was saving Roy Keane for Wednesday's league game against Hearts before sending the striker on to score the decisive goal against Dunfermline in the Scottish Cup. (Daily Record)."
Found on the BBC gossip column. Surely they haven't signed Roy Keane again?
(Blair Gray, Scotland)
"Baird is dashing around like a steamroller."
Sky Sports commentator Martin Tyler on Fulham's Chris Baird.
Guess who's coming to dinner?
"Journalist: If you were holding a dream dinner party, who would you invite?"
Steve Bull: "If he was alive, Muhammad Ali."
From the Guardian's 'Small Talk' interview with Steve Bull. I must have missed that particular obituary.
(Simon Constantine, London)
"I was aware of the pitch because a mature woman in the hotel lift said 'the pitch is really bad at Plymouth'. I thought 'even a lady like her knows that!'"
West Brom boss Roberto Di Matteo discussing the state of Home Park before the game against Plymouth.
(Rob the Baggie, England)
"Tottenham have definitely lost a point here today."
Kevin Keegan on ESPN after Tottenham drew with Villa. Spurs should have taken all two points, eh Kev?
(Rob Perks, UK)
"We know it will be a long race until the end of the season and for now we are happy with two more points."
Carlo Ancelotti, after Chelsea drew 1-1 at Hull. Has anyone explained the Premier League points-scoring system to Mr Ancelotti?
(Alfred Neumann, London)
He's obviously been spending too much time with Keegan - Ed.
"If you're watching, Stevie, please get in touch."
Soccer AM presenter Max Rushden after a plea from Trevor Nelson for Stevie Wonder's telephone number.
(Hemant Mistry, UK)
"If it was a boxing match, they would have stopped it on points!"
Radio Wales commentator describes Swansea's win over Preston.
"Against the old firm, especially Rangers and Celtic, you need to take your chances."
John Collins on BBC Scotland, during St Mirren v Rangers.
(Richard Nicol, Scotland)
"All I'll say is that if that penalty decision isn't harsh then my name is Jock McTavish and I'm going to be an extra in the next Braveheart movie."
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway after a controversial late penalty awarded to West Brom.
"Donovan is neat, tidy, disciplined and has come in and coincided with Everton's season turning completely around. That's no coincidence."
Lawro singing the praises of Landon Donovan in his column for the Mirror.
"It's difficult to see if the whistle has gone."
ESPN commentator during Hull-Chelsea.
"...time running out quickly for Utrecht"
Australian commentator during PSV v Utrecht, near the end of the match. As far as I know time runs out at the same rate.
(Dhaval Jogia, UK)
"Why does Liverpool keep passing to the other team?"
A 7-year-old who was watching the Reds v Bolton.
"Jermaine Beckford scores for Leeds high into the bottom corner."
Mike Ingham commentary on Beckford's injury-time penalty at Spurs.
"I don't know Thierry personally but he's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and he's probably one of the fairest footballers you'll ever meet."
Seems Harry Kewell is a bit unsure as to whether he has met Thierry or not.
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"Boom boom boom, let me hear you say Bale, Ba-le!"
Salute to Gareth Bale, to the tune of the Outhere Brothers' classic.
Things can only get Butter
"Danny for England!"
Crystal Palace fans when makeshift striker Danny Butterfield scored a six-minute hat-trick against Wolves in the FA Cup. He hadn't scored in 52 games before that!
(Sean Roennau Wergen, UK)
"We only sing when we're fishing."
Fleetwood Town fans celebrate their heritage against Hinckley.
"Shall we sing a song for you?"
Portsmouth fans to the quiet Manchester United fans at old Trafford.
"Shall we score a goal for you?"
United fans respond.
(Matthew Doherty, UK)
"Boring, boring Villa!"
Spurs fans during stalemate at White Hart Lane, a few days after Arsene Wenger accused Villa of being long-ball merchants.
"He's one of us!
"He's one of us!
"He's one of,
"Hunty's one of us!"
Hull City fans to Wolves (to the tune of Three Lions) after their bid for Stephen Hunt was rejected.
(Rob B, E Yorks)
"We all dream of a team of Andy Todds!"
Perth fans at Adelaide about their star player(Derby reject).
(Rob Hogger, Australia)
"You only sing when you're offside!"
Villa fans to Fulham when the crowd at Craven Cottage celebrated a disallowed goal after making no noise for the previous 70 minutes.
"We'll be home in half an hour!"
Cambridge City fans to Truro City counterparts, who had a six-hour return journey ahead of them.
(Stephen Warne, England)
But with a 3-0 win under their belts, I bet the time just flew by - Ed.
"You're getting sacked in the morning!"
St Johnstone fans to Jim Jefferies after he was appointed Hearts manager, two hours after Csaba Laszlo's sacking.
"I've got a park, that's better than this,
"I've got a park that's better than this,
"Its got a swing, a tramp and dog mess,
"I've got a park that's better than this!"
Havant and Waterlooville fans take the mickey out of local rivals Eastleigh's stadium, to the tune of When The Saints Go Marching In.
(Mark Cooper, Hampshire)
If you have any quotes, chants or stadium announcements to contribute, please add them at the bottom of the blog, or by using this email postform.