Review of the week
"Earlier on today a woman rang the BBC and said she'd heard there was a hurricane on the way. Well if you're watching - don't worry, there isn't." The infamous words of weatherman Michael Fish in 1987.
As foot-in-mouth moments go, it takes some beating (although Fish maintains his innocence) - but Garry Cook appears to be on a one-man mission to wrestle away the crown.
The Manchester City chief executive was filmed in a New York bar ahead of the Carling Cup showdown at Old Trafford insisting it was a case of "not if but when we are at Wembley having beaten Man United yet again". Someone obviously forgot to mention that to Wayne Rooney.
In his defence, Cook probably got carried away with the moment as he played up to the crowd in (ahem) the Mad Hatter. As The Guardian wryly observed: "Despite the presence of television cameras, he had been under the impression it was a closed event for him and the supporters."
Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook
It's not the first time the City bigwig has let his mouth run away with him. When the proposed Kaka deal was declared dead in the water, he accused AC Milan of being "bottlers", while human rights concerns over former chairman Thaksin Shinawatra were shrugged aside as Cook labelled him "a great guy to play golf with".
On the pitch, the second leg of the Manchester semi was every bit as pulsating as the first, with Rooney applying the coup de grace just when it looked as though Carlos Tevez would be stealing the headlines again.
While both clubs were keen to keep a lid on the Nev-Tev saga, the papers were desperately trying to keep the pot boiling.
There were analyses galore as to what Tevez had really called his former team-mate - take your pick from moron/idiot/creep/bootlicker/socksucker - while the News of the World were licking their lips as they reported 'Neville's previous argy-bargy' with United flop Juan Sebastian Veron.
The paper claimed the Argentine midfielder was out with some of his Pumas rugby mates at a bar when: "I took a microphone and started to sing 'Let's go Argentina'. Then Neville started to sing for England, so I hit Neville on the head with the microphone." I'm sure no-one wishes they'd been a fly on the wall for that one.
In the event, Nev and Tev were on their best behaviour - and fair play to the City striker, who despite getting the full pantomime villain treatment from the crowd,took the defeat on the chin, staying behind to embrace his former colleagues.
He was possibly helped by the steadying influence of Roberto Mancini - clearly a massive fan of this blog after repeating last week's Oasis line to the press. The City boss did his best Ron Manager impression while appealing for calm ahead of the second leg, stating: "Don't Look Back In Anger. Oasis. Fantastic." Marvellous.
Liam Gallagher was quick to join in the love-in by bigging up Mancini's impeccable fashion sense. He told Football 365: "The scarf is cool. I want one. Mancini is certainly cooler than that Taggart from across the road. He's a good manager but he looks like a dustbin man."
The singer confirmed that he was not at Old Trafford to witness Rooney's late goal, explaining: "I wouldn't step foot in that place. I've never been and I don't want to go. It's not for me. Anyway, I don't think I'd get a good reception." Gotta love him.
Meanwhile Lancashire neighbours Bolton and Burnley confirmed football really is a religion when they met at the Reebok. One banner aimed at former Clarets boss Owen Coyle proclaimed 'He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy', while he spent the whole game being subjected to chants of 'Judas'.
After the game, Coyle retorted: "If we're going to get biblical, then maybe it should be Moses because we led them from the wilderness." For his next trick, the boss will attempt to part the Red sea with a trip to Anfield, while he has already laid down his first commandment - Thou Shalt Not Play Long Ball.
Meanwhile the other Moses is up for sale following the news that Crystal Palace have gone into administration. Any genuine football fan will sympathise with their plight and you fear it's just the tip of the iceberg, with the taxman knocking on Cardiff's door and Portsmouth's website briefly shutting down over payment issues.
To illustrate the crazy times we live in - in the week Chester were put up for sale for a pound, bidding for a signed Jedward shirt on the QPR website had reached three figures. It's enough to make your hair stand on end.
In another eventful week for my lot, we got hammered by Forest (trust me to be sat opposite smug live text king Stevo the following day) and shipped out three players, including striker Patrick Agyemang to Bristol City. As one wag on the LoftforWords messageboard cruelly observed: "We were going to stipulate that Agyemang MUST play against us, but realised we've already played City twice."
Jermaine Beckford and his unusual hat-trick
Elsewhere, Jermaine Beckford appeared to grow an extra arm following his double for Leeds at White Hart Lane (see above), while West Ham vice-chairman Karren Brady ruffled a a few feathers when talking about a future move to the Olympic stadium. She wrote in her column for The Sun: "I love the idea of calling the club West Ham Olympic". Brings a whole new meaning to the chant 'WHO are ya?'
Leyton Orient chairman Barry Hearn is opposed to any such move, arguing it would decimate their support, but at least the O's had a decent win in midweek over Lyon in the French Cup. Oh no, sorry, that was Lorient.
Joke of the week (apart from Rio Ferdinand's appeal and Ronaldo's condemnation of divers) was posted on the Beeb by pietrodelroberto, after doing the rounds among Everton fans ahead of their FA Cup tie with Birmingham:
'David Moyes, Alex Ferguson and Rafael Benitez go for a drink in a bar. After three pints Moyes says to the two of them: "Right, you two, clear off, it's the fourth round now."' Sadly, as pietro pointed out, the real punchline was delivered by the Brummies, who put Everton out thanks to goals from....Benitez and Ferguson.
And finally, tweeter of the week is the Dimitar Berbatov impersonator playing on the striker's eccentric reputation with observations about chess nights and lemon trees, including: "Team mates laughing at my lunch - Cheese board with quails eggs and glass of Bordeaux."
But still not as wacky as the real Berbatov, who once declared his favourite pastime was "feeding squirrels from my balcony".
Right that's it for now. Have a good weekend one and all. I shall be dragging myself along to Loftus Road for the visit of Scunthorpe and looking out for the hordes of fans preparing to protest at recent events by dressing as clowns. I've decided not to wear anything that will leave me open to ridicule, so I'm keeping my QPR top in the drawer.