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Chris Charles | 13:00 UK time, Friday, 22 January 2010

Earlier this season, Carlos Tevez was begging Liam Gallagher to teach him some Oasis songs. Don't Look Back In Anger clearly wasn't one of them.

The Manchester City striker did his best Chas 'n' Dave impression after sinking United on Tuesday night, giving Gary Neville the 'yap, yap, rabbit' treatment over his shoulder.

Tevez's former team-mate responded with a trademark Liam salute as the spat descended into a farce of such playground proportions, I half-expected Neville to pick up the ball and announce he was going home for his tea.

Since then things have been turned up a notch, with Tevez reworking an old punk classic to declare 'Gary is a Moron'. (Hands up who didn't raise a small titter at that one.)
Carlos TevezCarlos Tevez gestures towards Gary Neville
The dispute arose from Red Nev's assertions that United were right not to pay £25m for Tevez - an opinion the two-goal hero was desperate to ram back down his old mucker's throat as he took the game by the scruff of the neck.

The Argentine may not be well-versed in the English language, but like Diego Maradona before him, he certainly knows how to use his hands to good effect, following up the earlier gestures by cupping his mitts around his ears to celebrate the winner.

There were conflicting reports in the red tops as to what this action signalled. The Sun boasted an exclusive interview with Tevez in which he said: "Yes, I deliberately celebrated in front of the dugouts. It was dedicated to Sir Alex and Gary Neville!"

Meanwhile the Mirror had an exclusive interview with the same player in which he revealed the celebration was inspired by a cult South American TV children's puppet called Topo Giggio - a mouse with huge ears - and wasn't supposed to be controversial.

Unlike the penalty, which Tevez calmly slotted away despite the best efforts of Wayne Rooney, who reportedly warned him to "watch the post". The episode was reminiscent of Freddie Flintoff's cheeky aside to Tino Best a few years ago, when he told the West Indian batsman to "mind the windows" - causing a furious Best to depart next ball while going for the slog.

With the circus surrounding Nev and Tev, the issue of the spot-kick - where Craig Bellamy was clearly tugged outside the box - was relegated to a mere footnote (even Sir Alex Ferguson ducked the issue - almost).

I was fully expecting Fergie to add Mike Dean to his referee hit-list (Alan Wiley, Andre Marriner, Mark Clattenburg - you boys took one hell of a berating) but he showed admirable restraint by restricting his comments to: "It is the kind of decision that has gone against us but could go for us on another day."

In a week of surprises, even Arsene Wenger was forced to concede William Gallas's X-rated tackle on Bolton's Mark Davies was "not good" - an admission almost as shocking as the challenge itself. The incident took the shine off the Gunners' spirited fightback which saw them leapfrog Chelsea at the top - and with Gallas escaping further censure, Sol Campbell's Premier League return may be delayed a while longer.

Campbell was in the news again this week as he sued former club Portsmouth for £1.7m in bonus payments and image rights.

While you can hardly blame the player for attempting to recoup what he believes is rightfully his, not all Pompey fans share his view, with 'shinpad' on Truebluearmy.com wailing: "Image rights? The image of a past-his-prime prima donna with the turning circle of an oil tanker? What image rights? He's hardly David Beckham!"

Talking of which, old Goldenballs had a bit of a shock when a spoof TV reporter interrupted an interview to cop a feel of his crown jewels. AC Milan officials feared the worst when Becks let out a squeal but were quickly assured that was his normal speaking voice.

At Beckham's former club, The 'Love United, Hate Glazer' campaign is gathering momentum after debts of £716m were revealed, with one activist calling for Sir Alex 'a socialist, a former shop steward and a man of the people' to resign in protest. He may be a knight, but I can't see Fergie falling on his sword anytime soon.

From Glazers to blazers - and the biggest talking point of the West Ham takeover was the velvet Austin Powers number David Sullivan rocked up in on the day he and David Gold assumed control at Upton Park.
David SullivanDavid Sullivan - and that jacket
Much has been made of the industry in which the two Davids made their fortune, with the word 'bongo' (not to be confused with legendary magician Ali) cropping up more than once in the Guardian's Fiver. It's surely only a matter of time before you can buy claret and blue movies from the top shelf of the Hammers' club shop.

Sullivan conceded the deal "makes no commercial sense, we must be mad" but proudly added that the club was "now back in the hands of East Enders." That's David Sullivan, born 1 February 1949 in Cardiff, Wales.

Staying with claret and blue and Big Sam was none too happy as Villa squeezed past Blackburn in a run-of-the-mill 6-4 encounter to book their place at Wembley. "We were in complete control of the game and if anyone is going to score to make it 3-0 it's going to be us," he groaned.

After the tie, Match of the Day host Gary Lineker enthused: "I can't remember the last game I saw with 10 goals scored." Indeed, you have to go all the way back to the time when Spurs thumped Wigan 9-1...two months ago.

In other news, Liverpool co-owner George Gillett insisted Rafa was still the best a man can get, while Louis Saha was perfecting the old one-two - flooring a fan who crept up behind him to pinch his cap as he signed autographs.

An Everton spokesman said the striker feared he was being robbed and "simply did what anyone would do in the circumstances". Even the dazed 'victim' admitted: "I suppose I asked for that," while no doubt recalling the old adage, if the cap's nicked, wear one.

Nickname of the week goes to Lucas Neill - dubbed 'bird-hunter' by new club Galatasaray (anyone?) - while the rant of the week came from a QPR fan (no it wasn't, before you ask) whose Trainspotting-style dialogue swept football messageboards across the country.

While some of it was offensive (hence the reason I can't link directly to it) there were undoubtedly a few gems, including: "I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping on a Saturday when their team is playing at home", and: "I hate that I don't hate Roy Hodgson."

Right that's all folks - have a good weekend one and all. Another blank weekend for yours truly after our traditional FA Cup capitulation, but good news for Mick Harford - guaranteed at least another seven days in the dreaded hotseat.


OTHER STUFF

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Teacher's world-record throw-in
Best commentator ever?

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