Quotes of the week
Happy New Year everybody. Having done the Quotes of the Year and Quotes of the Decade parts one and two in the past week, I was tempted to go all Steve Redgrave on you and suggest that if anyone saw me near a quote again, they had permission to shoot me.
But of course I wouldn't do that - the new year is upon us and brings with it stacks more quotes, chants and stadium announcements to share with you. The inbox has been stacking up over the festive period so some of the titbits you are about to read may be more than a week old, but they deserve an airing so I'm going to print them anyway.
And as a special Brucie bonus, there's a little section for some of the quotes you informed me I had missed from the decade collection. If you didn't catch them (where were you?) click here for part one and here for part two. Oh, and here for the Quotes of the Year.
"It's so quiet, you could hear a fly's dandruff drop."
A Sid Waddell classic during the PDC World Darts final between Phil Taylor and Simon Whitlock.
Sid Waddell - legend
"The Lakeside has come alight."
Tony Green commentating during the rival BDO tournament.
"How can he give five minutes of injury-time? It's an insult to the game - an absolute insult, but they keep doing it."
Time was not on Sir Alex Ferguson's side during Manchester United's shock FA Cup defeat by Leeds.
"I don't know if my scarf is lucky. I wore it because it was cold...I could have done with two scarves today!"
Roberto Mancini is having a scarf after Man City's FA Cup win at Middlesbrough.
"In fact, I think we're the only club in the Premier League that has an
all-weather surface that's no good when the weather is bad. The surface is
frozen. Lord knows who put that in. Typical."
Gary Megson hits out at Bolton's alternative training facilities, a few days before being frozen out himself.
"I make the decision (to take off Ivan Klasnic) and it goes down
like the Bismarck."
Megson after the 2-2 home draw with Hull, hours before he was sacked.
"Now I say to Floyd Mayweather Jr, 'Don't be a coward and face me in the ring,
mano-a-mano and shut your big, pretty mouth, so we can show the world who is the
true king of the ring'."
Manny Pacquiao to Floyd Mayweather Jr after Mayweather's camp demanded random drug tests ahead of the pair's proposed bout.
"Here in Scotland, you have football, you have the pubs, the church and after
that comes the family. First is football."
Hearts manager Csaba Laszlo on the passion for football in Scotland.
"I want to be back. I'm not the kind of guy to keep his feelings hidden. I
have always said the same - I love it here, I love it here, I love it here."
Jose Mourinho gives the impression he quite likes the Premier League.
"It's easier to stick to 'sir' or 'gaffer' on the training ground than try and remember their names."
QPR captain Mikele Leigertwood on the difficulties of keeping up with the managerial changes at Loftus Road.
"I had a nice time over Christmas. I watched EastEnders - blimey, that makes my job look easy!"
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy knows how to cheer himself up.
"The ideal scenario would be for us to get to the final and for Chas 'n' Dave to re-form and do us a Cup final song. I've just about got over their split. I've been in counselling ever since."
Newcastle boss Chris Hughton, a member of Spurs' FA Cup-winning sides of the 80s who had 'memorable' songs penned by Chas 'n' Dave.
Altogether...Spurs are on their way to Wembley
"When you start hanging out in LA with Scientologists you need to question yourself. Is he a footballer or just Posh's husband?"
Tom Clarke from The Enemy gives his views on David Beckham.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"I've been to Cardiff a few times but I'd love to get to Wembley. My son is six or seven years old and I'd love to take him to Wembley to watch Liverpool."
Jamie Carragher on his ambition to play for Liverpool at Wembley. Wouldn't hurt to learn your son's age, Jamie!
(Huw, Wales).
"It was a mistake of mine to tell the lads that this lot don't score too many goals - and statistically they don't - but then they go and score seven."
Colchester United boss Aidy Boothroyd wishes he'd never given that pre-match team talk as Preston won 7-0.
(Francis Kyan, England).
"This won't affect our goal difference, will it?"
Colchester fan to her husband as the seventh goal went in during the FA Cup tie.
(David, England).
Commentator: "See if you can spot Rio Ferdinand in the crowd, Jimmy". Jimmy Armfield: "Why, is there a prize?"
Banter during Man Utd-Aston Villa.
(Martin C, UK).
Charles Colvile: "Good evening Graham."
Graham Gooch: "I'm actually in bed at the moment, Charles!"
Charles Colvile: "OK, well we don't really need to go into that at the moment, Graham."
Charles Colvile makes a phone call to Graham Gooch during Sky's highlights of the second South Africa-England Test match.
(Shiraz, Harrow).
"'World class' isn't a word we use very often."
Sky Sports summariser on Newcastle v Derby. That's because it's two words.
(Sam Milne, England).
"I suppose it is a bit of a date that we're having at the moment. As is usually the case you don't get married on a first date, you've got to go out a few times before you make any big decisions."
Colchester boss Aidy Boothroyd on Nolberto Solano having trials with the club.
(Kane Rennie, Sydney).
"When everything is going wrong, it seems like nothing goes right."
Gary Speed on MOTD2, regarding Liverpool's current predicament.
(Wanday Ramo, UK).
"Wolves took six points from nine against Spurs and Tottenham."
Speed on the same show talking about Wolves' non-existent double over Tottenham!
(Thomas Lydon, UK).
"Money doesn't necessarily buy class, does it? Just look at Jordan."
Colin Murray on 5 live discussing the sacking of Mark Hughes.
(Philip Craig, Scotland).
Katie Price - classy chick
"I've seen wounds better dressed than him."
Gordon Strachan on Adrian Chiles.
(Liam Branton, England).
"Gareth Southgate was sacked for being almost second in the Championship."
Danny Mills on 5 live. Almost second...so you mean third then, Danny?
(Ian Greig, UK).
"The Derby fans are good fans, they turn up week-in week-out to support their team - they even turned out to watch the rubbish they played under you, Paul!"
Paul Merson talking to Paul Jewell on Soccer Saturday.
(Christopher Cashin, England).
Jeff Stelling: "And Matt, Joe Hart's invincible today"
Matthew Le Tissier: "No he's not, Jeff - I can see him from here!"
Banter during Soccer Saturday.
(Tony Dickinson, Leeds).
"In 1995 I enjoyed the Christmas party as a player. But I was shocked whenever I went to one. Why? I was shocked because you don't expect to go out and not have a meal."
Wigan boss Roberto Martinez on footballers' Christmas parties.
(Anthony Ko, UK).
"(Claire Taylor) is the first female woman to be one of Wisden's Cricketers of the Year."
From the Daily Telegraph website - have they had some male women then?
(Charlie)
"Roy Keane's like a shark. He has those eyes. You don't know if he is going to buy you a drink or eat you."
Ian Holloway on the Ipswich manager.
(Anthony Ko, UK).
"Well, John, that game must have had you pulling your hair out..."
Journalist to Raith Rovers manager John McGlynn, who's bald.
(Robbie Weir)
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"This is what it's like to be City,
This is what it's like to be small.
This is what it's like to be a team that wins nothing at all."
Man Utd fans at Fulham find their sense of humour even when 3-0 down - to the tune of Inspiral Carpets' This Is How It Feels.
(Tom, Surrey).
"Shoes off if you love Barrow!"
Barrow fans at Sunderland FA Cup game - 5,000 Barrow fans took their shoes off.
(Douggie, England).
"Tango, Tango, what's the score?"
Arsenal fans to Hull City boss Phil Brown at The Emirates.
You know when you've been Tangoed
"You're seeing Cesc in a minute."
Arsenal fans to Brown and his assistant Brian Horton following last year's spitting controversy.
(Tim, London).
"We can't see you sneaking out!"
Colchester United fans to their Southampton counterparts when thick fog descended.
(Aaron Finch, England).
"Is there a fire drill?"
Arsenal fans to their Portsmouth counterparts after scoring their third goal at Fratton Park, which saw the home fans start to stream from the ground.
(Kenny Lomas, England).
Isn't that the chant normally directed towards the Gooners at The Emirates? Ed.
"You're not fit to referee!"
Nottingham Forest to referee Mark Clattenburg after a dubious decision during the Coventry game.
"You're not fit to referee!"
Coventry fans to Clattenburg 30 seconds later after they claimed to be the victims of an equally poor decision.
Forest and Coventry fans together: "You're not fit to referee!"
(Gary Wallis, England).
"You should have kept Jim Magilton!"
Ipswich Town fans to QPR during the 3-0 victory at Portman Road. A hint of sarcasm in there, perhaps?
(Lesley Smith, Ipswich).
"If Ledley's going clubbing so are we, If Robbie's going to Dublin so are we, If Ledley's going clubbing, if Robbie's going to Dublin, if Ledley's going clubbing so are we!"
Spurs fans to the tune of She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain at Craven Cottage on Boxing Day.
(Mia Rafalowicz-Campbell, England).
"Easter's better than Christmas!"
MK Dons fans after Jermaine Easter scored against Stockport on Boxing Day.
(Matt, England).
"If you need a blanket you're a wimp."
Followed by:
"If you want a blanket, clap your hands!"
Fulham fans in Basel when blankets were given out to the home supporters.
(Pat).
"Steam from a pasty! It's just the steam from a pasty!"
Plymouth fans to an over-zealous steward who thought he had caught a group of fans smoking in the stands.
(Daniel, Coventry).
STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK
"Coming up soon, our New Year's Eve party on, of course, New Year's Eve."
Heard at Mossley v Bamber Bridge in the Unibond First Division North League.
(Stephen Hewitt, England).
"If you are parked in the Buttermarket car park....it closes at five....oh and by the way my mother-in-law is cooking jacket potato and cold meat tonight."
Ipswich announcer at QPR game.
(Stephen Bailey, Ipswich).
QUOTES OF THE DECADE WE MISSED
"I wouldn't even sell them a virus."
Sir Alex Ferguson on the Ronaldo/Real Madrid transfer saga.
(Shrinidhi, India).
Anne Robinson: "In the equation E=MC2, devised by Einstein, what does the letter E stand for?"
Paul Gascoigne: "E? Erm ... elephant?!"
Gazza on a sporting heroes' Weakest Link special.
(Mark Dance, Newcastle).
It's all relative
"The ball came over mine and Colin Calderwood's head, and who should be at the back post? None other than yours truly, Alan Shearer."
Colin Hendry after England's victory over Scotland in Euro '96.
(Mike Mercer, England). Four years' short, but well worth bending the rules for! Ed.
"Statistics are like mini-skirts .. they give you good ideas but hide the most important parts."
Aberdeen manager Ebbe Skovdahl in 2001 when hearing that Arild Stavrum had more shots on target than Henrik Larsson.
(Mike Teevan, UK).
Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Gordon Strachan: "Velocity" (walks off).
(soul_ire) nb: urbanfox claimed this was originally said by former Man Utd captain Martin Buchan in the 70s - Ed.
"When he (Claus Lundekvam) was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue. He's always like that....."
Strachan again.
Reporter to Shola Ameobi: "Does Bobby Robson have any nicknames for you?"
Ameobi: "Yes, Carl Cort."
(antpatrickson23 and Bryan, Gt Manchester)
"That's what children do - throw food. That's not fighting. We were real men. We'd have chinned them."
George Best on the infamous Battle of the Buffet between Manchester United and Arsenal players.
(The_Dark_Blue_King)
"Macclesfield have gone back to basics. They've signed Reid and Wright."
Jeff Stelling.
(SYSTEM-J)
"It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket."
Jose Mourinho in his Chelsea days.
(Robbo 277)
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 
© 2012~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~41~RS~)
Comments
Great as always!
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AmarantineBlue - Oh Dear you do look foolish now!!!
Great stuff again Chris - will lokk forward to review of the week on Friday.
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"stand up if you're top of the league"- leeds fans at old trafford
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'Every week! Every week! My Kingdom to play thee every week!’
Richard III.
http://inofftheghost.wordpress.com/
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A quote:
"We've not really noticed the referee tonight - I suppose that's a sign of a good one - although we haven't noticed Fulham much either."
Sky Sports commentator at Stoke v. Fulham Tue 5th Jan - Fulham were 3-0 down at half time
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"i didn't see it"- arsene wenger at various points of each season
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Couple of chants from the 2nd:
Coventry to Portsmouth:
'Feed the pompey, let them know its christmas time'
(Yes it was a few days late but was still appropriate)
And:
Pompey fans: 'Play up Pompey, play up Pomepey'
Coventry fans response: 'Pay up Pompey, pay up Pompey'
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Typo on that last post:
Pompey fans: 'Play up Pompey, Pompey play up'
Coventry fans response: 'Pay up Pompey, Pompey pay up'
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"...Some dire defending allowed Stoke to go into the break three goals up, Tuncay kick-starting it with a neat header"
Kicking it with his head???? That's a good trick!! From BBC website reporter Sam Lyon's report on the Stoke v Fulham game last night
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What's woth the darts quotes?
Thought this was a sports website.
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"One Song!
We've only got one song
We've only got one song
We've only got one song."
Arsenal fans against Pompey. Renewed with greater vigor when the Cameroonian popped up to score a header.
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"Manny Pacquiao to Floyd Mayweather Jr after Mayweather's camp demanded random drug tests ahead of the pair's proposed bout."
Erm. No. It wasnt because of that at all.
The Beeb have got the whole story so wrong its unbelievable.
ESPN> Beeb. For boxing. The 'soccer' coverage is probably pap.
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From above:
"We can't see you sneaking out!"
Colchester United fans to their Southampton counterparts when thick fog descended on Layer Road.
The fog was so thick they forgot we don't play at Layer Road anymore.
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Another one from Portsmouth, stadium announcement this time, reading the coventry team sheet:
Number 1, Kieren Westwood
Number 2, Stephen Wright
Number 6, James McPake
Number 24, Richard Wood
Number 15, Martin Craine
Number 7, David Bell
Number 4, Sammy Clingan
Number 17, Aron Gunnarsson
Number 11, Michael Mc Indoe
Number 10, Freddy Eastwood
And Number 24, Richard Wood
Looks of confusion amongst the city fans at that point.
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best quote in prem history
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."
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Great quotes: Question, why do people feel justified referring to other people as scum?
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Jimmy "WTFDID?!" McNulty : Erm...It was due to the increased drug testing demands.
I quote from the most recent article on the ESPN website "Mayweather is demanding random blood tests in the months prior to the fight while Pacquiao has only agreed to tests at three times: one during the week of the kickoff news conference, one random test to be conducted no later than 30 days before the fight and a final test in his dressing room after the fight".
There's the background rivalry due to Pacquiao signing for both Top Rank and Golden Boy promotions and then going for Top Rank (leading to an agreement where Golden Boy got some of the fight profits) and this probably didn't help, but the actual blocking point is the drug testing. And Pacquiao said the quote because he feels that the Mayweather camp is accusing him of taking drugs (potentially out of a fear of fighting or to try to upset preparations). State law dictates that Pacquiao is right, but his (unsurprising) refusal has led to suggestions of foul play - as the Mayweather camp well knew.
I think you should probably check your facts before making such a ridiculously sweeping statement.
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"The situation is ongoing but he is with us now until the end of the season - unless Ipswich tell us otherwise. That's the matter closed as far as I am concerned - until it is opened again."
Aidy Boothroyd (colchester manager) stating the obvious regarding Kevin Lisbie
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John Motson: "Yes i think the stiker was ever so slightly offside there, Mark?"
Mark Lawrenson: "You can't be a bit pregnant John, you either are or you aren't."
During an england game on the BBC but can't remember which one
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A Couple more crackers of chants from the U's fans at Deepdale at Preston:
A number of our (PNE) fans had been voicing their disquiet at the PNE board before the start and at the beginning of the game, but surprisingly those chants went quiet at 7-0 up. They then chanted at the U's fans "Shall we sing a song for you?", to which they responded "Sack the board, sack the board, sack the board!"
And also at 7-0 down, when Elliott just missed with a shot they chanted "score in a brothel, you couldn't score in a brothel!"
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It's so annoying that other teams steal the "shoes off" chant and claim it as their own! That particular chant first appeared in the Wolves end at an away game. Stop taking the glory for our golden humour!
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@3: no, i don't! it was modded after all. that's like a rite of passage on the blogs, right?
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@ 22: maybe it's the most polite euphemism they can think of?
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"Raul Bravo is playing more like Juliet Bravo", Lawro classic from the Euros.
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Not wishing to be pedantic but... There was a quote there that was attributed to Colchester playing Southampton at Layer Road. When exactly was that from? I remember going to a League Cup game there in 1975 but all I can remember about the match was that it was 0-0 and that the crowd were singing 'Osgood is a fairy' because he was dancing around the ref (well that was my dad's explanation),
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Bit ironic Gordon Strachan having a go at Adrian Chile's dress sense...
Every single match at Celtic he wore the same old tracksuit, looked a right bam he did. Probably never washed it as well.
Even on Champions League nights when the opposition manager always had the class to wear a suit, Strachan would be looking ridiculous in his pathetic tracksuit...
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I will also quote from ESPN and what Schaefer said in general: Every thing has been agreed apart from the LAST random blood test, which the Pacman camp wont agree with Goldenboy because they want it to be further away from the date of the fight, whereas GB want it close to the fight.
That's from Schaefer himself.
Pacman did the quote above ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ because of all the quite frankly ludicrous stuff that the Mayweathers and GB have spouted about him being on roids/PEDs, nothing to do with him refusing random drug tests at all.
There is a very clear difference.
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Quote from John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager
Physio; "I think he's concussed boss, he can't even remember who he is"
Lambie " Great. Tell him he's ******* Pele and put him back on the pitch"
Classic
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Jeff Stelling comes out some classics on a weekly basis.
I quite liked the one a few weeks ago when Chris Martin scored for Norwich and he announced "and now it's all yellow".
By Jeff's standards that was one of his poorer ones too.
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6. In Off The Ghost: Not sure what you're on old son, but I want some of it - verily!
16. BeyondThe Pale: You're living up to your moniker there with that outrageous comment! How dare you say that a load of overweight chaps chucking arrers into a board is not a sport?! I'm a big fan of the old tungsten gymnastics - and while you don't require the pace of an Agbonlahor or the strength of a Pacquiao, there's still a fair amount of nous and skill required to compete at the top level. And just think if we had managed to get it included at London 2012 - guaranteed gold medal in the bag!
19. He who carries death in his pouch: So that's why they couldn't see them! Apologies for that - I'm sometimes too old school for my own good.
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"He's lucky to only get one red"
Robbie Earle commenting on Diouf's horror tackle for Blackburn against Aston Villa... can you get more than one nowadays??
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You missed the BBC Sport gaff -
The ban rules Turner out of the three Premier League games against Everton, Sunderland and Bolton as well as the FA Cup tie against non-league Barrow.
I fancy a draw Sunderland v Sunderland -
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Tony Green commenting at Darts 'World Championship' (sic). Waites has 32 left so aiming for double 16.
"Best double on the board," Waites hits single 16 and moves to double 8, Green adds "so is 8's."
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When Lee McCulloch scored the immediate equaliser against Celtic, the Rangers fans burst into "That's why we're Champions!"
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Chas & Dave !? Chris Hughton ought to be very careful what he wishes for. The Geordies have only just managed to rid themselves of the 'Cockney Mafia' problem. If Chas & Dave do the cup final song, Newcastle might as well apply to take over the stadium in Stratford after the Olympics, such would be their reputation. Maybe that's what Ashley has been planning all this time...
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Strachan the legend:
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt that goes off today, that needs to be finished. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.
Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...
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#22 Collie21:
"Great quotes: Question, why do people feel justified referring to other people as scum?"
There is no justifying football fans! It annoys me to see English fans booing English players just because they don't play for their team or because they put a tackle in when trying to win the game. The same 'fans' will slate the national side and say the players play with no passion.
Would anyone from the stands screaming "the referee's a ......" have the balls to go down and do the job themselves in front of a mob of thousands of morons?
I love football, but the fans I can do without.
Agreed on the quotes, I'm just upset I didn't see the look on Jewell's face when Paul Merson came out with that gem!
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This one from the Arsenal fans at Pompey last week tickled even the home fans.....
" We're all standing on a future block of flats, a future block of flats, a future block of flats"
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Any chance of a John Lambie special? The man is a legend
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I'm not sure when this was exactly but I'm hoping it was the noughties;
Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....
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Oh well done me, 3 hours 36 mins late with that quote.
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Hears a good one: Joey Barton "There are people that have been in jail longer than me" ... Ohhh thats ourite then sound Joey. What a lovely chap, why isent he banned from football? Adrian Mutu was banned for sniffing Cocaine and to be honest rightly so but it didn't affect anyone else as maliciously as Joey Barton's violent attacks on other people, he should have at least a 6 month ban for each individual assualt he has made. Disgrace and thats without even disgusing the money he's made from the sport we all love, what more does he want!
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How about this one from Graham Taylor: "My experience has shown me that football on the park is a simple game made difficult by players, managers and coaches. "
Source: http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/150152/I-ll-follow-Elton-s-lead-but-how-did-I-end-up-here-
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I can't help but notice that most of the "QUOTES OF THE DECADE WE MISSED" are in fact Quotes of the Decade that you provided already. On your Quotes of the Decade blogs.
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Me and my dad went to see Maccelsfield play Crewe just before New Years. We knew it'd be a long day when the stadium announcer came on and said "If there's an electrician in the ground, would you please make yourself known to one of the stewards", before half the floodlights failed to turn on. Match started on time though, so presumably they found someone!
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Mark Bright on MOTD regarding the Portsmouth players not being paid.
"You really have to feel for the players,they will be getting grief from the missus,the bills will be rolling in"
Reality check for Mr Bright please.
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Alan Smith commentating on Arsenal Portsmouth game called the Portsmouth manager Avram Abramovich. I think he may have got a bit confused.
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It wasnt said this year or last for that matter but RTE commentator George Hamilton makes a laughable statement during an Italian World cup game "The Baggio brothers who are of course not related"
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Swansea City fans anger at the awful officials at the Crystal Palace game:
ARE YOU MIKE DEAN IN DISGUISE???
(Mike Dean was the referee who was hit on the head by a coin at a Swansea vs Cardiff game where Swansea were incorrectly blamed)
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At the BDO darts at the Lakeside:
Co-commentator: That's Robert Wagner's wife in the crowd.
Tony Green: With a beautiful butterfly tattoo.
The tattoo was on Mrs Wagner's left breast - guess we know where Tony was looking!
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On the Surrey reds man city chant, Man United have been singing that for years, whenever they've not won a trophy
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You say: "...Having done the Quotes of the Year and Quotes of the Decade parts one and two in the past week..."
The decade hasn't ended yet. Last time I checked, there was no year 0.
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I was at the last Torquay league game at home when over the intercom the half time annoucer said
'And you will be pleased with this next announcement, Exeter are down to 10 men and are losing 2-0' then the most sarcastic laugh purposfully over the intercom had the whole pop side laughing
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Headline of the week on the BBC website for the (World) Darts Championship shown on BBC following Dave Chisnell's win over Tony O'Shea....
"Tony Chisnell beats Dave O'Shea 6-3 to reach BDO Final"
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"I had him when he was 16 and he was man, I don't know what he is now...a bigger man"
Kevin Keegan on Man city's Micah Richards after he powers his way through the field for City's 2nd against Blackburn, Brilliant!!!!
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