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Chris Charles | 08:00 UK time, Wednesday, 2 December 2009

"I remember Elton John used to be their owner and he is my favourite singer! I hope the match will be an opportunity to meet Elton John!"
Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti is ready for a love-in after seeing his side draw Watford in the FA Cup.

"*@!**!@"
Arsene Wenger loses his customary cool when asked about Theo Walcott's World Cup prospects.

"When they vote for the coach of the year it doesn't seem that I'll win. Perhaps I'll even be last, or perhaps I'll have to vote for myself to get a vote."
Jose Mourinho gives the slightest hint that his love affair with Italian football may be coming to an end.

"It was a fantastic celebration. Great comedy is about timing. ...I couldn't deliver my address (at full-time) because I was laughing so much!"
Hull boss Phil Brown sees the funny side after Jimmy Bullard's 'team-talk' celebration at Eastlands.
Jimmy Bullard and his goal celebrationBullard gives his team-mates a talking-to
"There is no hope of me playing against Mainz. I will not return as only half
a player; not as only Ze without the Roberto."
Hamburg's Brazilian winger Ze Roberto is not doing thing by halves following his ankle injury.

"Rodallega doesn't look a bad signing now."
Steve Bruce after Hugo Rodallega, a player he signed for Wigan, scored the winner against Sunderland. After Wigan's 9-1 defeat to Spurs, chairman Dave Whelan had suggested the result was down to a few 'dodgy signings' during Bruce's tenure.

"It was more of a gorilla off my back rather than a monkey."
Falkirk manager Eddie May after after the Bairns finally picked up their first
league win of the SPL season against Hamilton.

"We will see if the ref will reimburse all our fans."
Barnsley boss Mark Robins upon seeing the game abandoned at Plymouth with his side 4-1 up.

"Whether it's the internet, radio, television, there are always areas of debate, but you have to accept it. The media now has become an absolute monster."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis reveals his beast of burden.

"I'm not one for blowing my trumpet but: most successful manager in the club's
history; got them in the SPL, kept them there; won the Challenge Cup; produced
many a young player; Scottish Cup final; two CIS Cup finals; Europe. In fact,
next time I go through there, I'll have to stop to polish the statue they're
going to have to build of me."
Hibernian boss John Hughes not blowing his trumpet...more like a tuba.

"The replay, I'll do it when you want on a PlayStation."
Patrice Evra tries to be helpful as the Republic of Ireland-France saga goes into extra-time.

"Seeing mates who have retired looking miserable."
England's Simon Shaw on what motivates the 36-year-old second row to carry on playing, following England's 19-6 loss to New Zealand.



AND SOME FROM YOU

"Lampard and other professionals are all flocking to Belgrade for the revolutionary placenta treatment that speeds up injuries."
Commentator during the Chelsea-Wolves game - I didn't know injuries were in such high demand.
(Stanley Eferemo, Nigeria).

"It was disappointing but we just didn't do enough in the last third. Usually we would expect to score a goal in something like the 96th or 97th minute, and we didn't do that."
Gary Neville has got so used to officials giving United as much time as they need to equalise, he has lost touch with reality!
(Joe Gregory, Spain).

"Extraordinary meetings of Fifa's executive committee are unusual."
BBC Radio 5 live sports news correspondent Gordon Farquhar on Fifa's discussions of the France-Ireland play-off. Thanks for stating the obvious, Gordon!
(Brent Peeters, Belgium).

"...and that's how Andy Murray forced the unforced error from Verdasco."
Greg Rusedski on Sky Sports explaining the canny Scot's devious tactics at the 02.
(Michael Law, UK).

"The game is simple: the more times you put the ball in the back of the net, the world is a better place, that's for sure."
Gordon Strachan ahead of the game with Peterborough. (PoshTorres).
El Hadji-Diouf and Mamady SidibeDiouf and Sidibe go up up and away at Ewood Park
"Do you think they are offering free neck massages after Blackburn v Stoke?"
SimpreZola on the BBC's 606.
(BlueBoy1905).

"Do you think West Ham will struggle this season or climb gradually away from safety?"
Gary Lineker on Match of the Day. Why would they want to?
(TeabYo)

"Great win. I'm so psyched for Twickenham. But my main concern is that I still don't have a date for the Varsity ball. I wish I was taking Rob Stevens' sister but at the moment I'm taking my mum!"
Cambridge under-21 rugby player Seb Dunnett after defeating Bedford ahead of the Varsity Game.
(jman64).

"As predictable as a wasp on speed."
The somewhat odd observation by the co-commentator during Sunday's darts final on ITV4.
(Dan Grover, UK).

"He was booed at the weekend, but Thierry Henry had a hand in Barca's opener."
Sky Sports News report on Barcelona's Champions League game a week after Henry twice had a hand in setting up a goal!

"It's like going into a car showroom saying 'I want that Bentley', then the salesman tells you it doesn't have an engine and you say 'I want it anyway'."
Bruce Grobbelaar probably hopes Liverpool kept the receipt for Alberto Aquilani following his comment on TalkSport.
(Dan Brown, Wirral).

"Messi is bumped off by Xabi Alonso."
Sky Sports commentator during el Classico. For all the tough tackles, I didn't see anyone getting killed!
(Matthew Gregory, England).

"All the winning shots are at the end of a rally."
No, really?! Heard during Federer v Murray commentary on 5live Sports Extra.
(Rick Maloney, UK).

"A hat-trick for Wainwright Rooney."
Final Score rolling subtitles.
(Trevor Trotman, UK).

"The Blue Square Premier League. Chester City and Eastbourne. Pitch invasion. The referee took the teams off. Teams went on. Teams came off. Crowd went on. Match off."
Read brilliantly with the usual monotony during the Soccer Saturday classified results.
(Boaby, Glasgow).

"Liverpool have got great experience in this fixture."
Comment by Alan Smith on Sky Sports' coverage of the Merseyside derby. Surely Everton have just as much experience in that particular fixture?
(Anthony Dixon, GB).

"Liverpool110: 'Lucas is about as useful as an appendix'."
During the Liverpool-Debrecen game on BBC Sport live text.
(Marcus, Tarporley)
David Jason as Del Boy Trotter in Only Fools and HorsesAnyone for tennis?
"Come on Del Boy!"
Shouted to Martin Del Potro during his ATP Masters final at the 02.
(Ben Browett, England).

"England have a chance to extend their lead here."
BBC rugby commentator during the England-All Blacks game. It was 6-6 at the time.
(Martin).

"Domenech is the worst coach France have had since Louis XVI."
Eric Cantona on French TV.
(kyler7)

"There was only one winner really."
Harry Redknapp on MOTD after Tottenham's 1-1 draw with Villa.
(Harji aka "G-Unit", England).

"We are all Irish today."
The French foreign minister during the fall-out of the Ireland game. I am still laughing myself silly at that one!
(democracythreat)



TOP CHANTS

"Thursday nights, Channel 5!"
Manchester United fans during Besiktas game in reference to Liverpool having to play in the Europa League.
(Chris, UK).

"9-1! We're gonna win 9-1"
Wigan fans shrug off last weekend's battering at White Hart Lane during the Sunderland game.
(Dan, Liverpool).

"1-0 to the Tesco Boys!"
Wigan fans remind former manager Steve Bruce of his condescending "It's like shopping at Harrods now instead of Tesco" comments when he joined Sunderland.
(Dan, Liverpool).

"Alive, alive-o-oh, Alive, alive-o-oh,
Stephen Ireland's two grannies.
Alive, alive-o!"
Sung at France v Ireland in Paris to the tune of Molly Malone.
(Pete, Ireland). Ireland pretended first one granny, then the other was dead to excuse himself for playing for the Republic in 2007 - Ed.

"Call it off, call it off, call it off!"
Plymouth Argyle fans call for the game to be abandoned after Barnsley scored their fourth. And it worked!
(greenmatbor3).

"Thierry Henry, Thierry Henry..."
Hull City fans to Man City keeper Shay Given as Jimmy Bullard prepared to take a penalty.
(George Dunn, England).

"England's, England's, number five!"
Burnley fans to Rob Green at West Ham-Burnley.

"England's, England's number six!"
After he conceded the third goal in the 5-3 defeat.
(Matt Payne, UK).
Jamie ArcherComing on for Millwall...
"Are you Archer in disguise?"
Exeter fans to Millwall striker Jason Price whose hair resembled Jamie "Afro" Archer from the X-Factor.
(Keiran, England).

"Nardi-elloooo, Nardi-ellooooo."
Song for Bury's new star striker to the tune of Johnny Cool.
(Tom, England).

"Are you Wigan in disguise?"
Cheltenham fans to Barnet as we ended our 11-match run without a win by beating them 5-1.
(Terry, England).

"We're getting wet but we're 3-1 up!"
Rushden fans singing in the rain, in an open terrace at Salisbury.
(Jimbo, Rushden).

"We want some fish and chips!"
Bradford City fans in the burger queue after discovering no fish and chips were available at Blundell Park.
(Josh Chapman).

"Charlton till I'm dry..." and: "Sing when we're swimming, we only sing when we're swimming...."
Charlton fans at a soaking wet Yeovil.
(Super_Charlton)



STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"And now the Uefa Respect handshake, in association with the French Football Federation."
Oldham's PA Announcer at the Colchester game ahead of the 'Respect' handshake between the teams.
(Nick, England).

"Who are ya?"
Wolves fans at Chelsea as announcer read out the teams.

"You'll see!"
Announcer replies.. and they did as Chelsea won 4-0!
(Roz, England).

"Ladies and gentlemen, stay in yours seats as the promotional team will be coming round to fire merchandise directly to your seats."
In between sets during the Monday afternoon session at the O2 arena at the ATP tour finals.

"Let's hope that works better next time."
After the cannon failed and sent the merchandise almost as far as the front row.
(Ian, UK).

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