Review of the week
After years of flaunting their wealth, falling out of clubs and dropping their trousers in public, it seems footballers have decided humility is the new cool.
Carlos Tevez started the trend by apologising to West Ham fans for scoring against them, and since then players have been queueing up to disprove Elton John's lament that Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
Why just this week we've had Richard Dunne forcing his arms down after netting for Villa against City, while Middlesbrough's Leroy Lita was equally reticent after netting his second goal against his old chums at Reading.
What next - Sir Alex Ferguson praising referees? Arsene Wenger witnessing controversial incidents? West Ham supporters holding a benefit dinner for Paul Ince?
The car's the star (Copyright Cavendish Press)
In these strange times of breaking bread and offering olive branches, it's reassuring to know that at least one star is still playing up to the stereotype. Yes, good old Stephen Ireland (he of the Superman pants) was all over the papers after pimping his girlfriend's ride with truly shocking results.
The Man City midfielder splashed out £260,000 on a gleaming white Bentley for Jessica Lawlor, complete with full boy-racer makeover, which included changing the famous 'B' insignia to 'JL' and having a loveheart stitched into the driver's seat containing the message 'To Jess Love From Stephen'. Aaaahh.
The motor has come in for stick from all sides, but one Daily Mail reader felt obliged to leap to Ireland's defence. "If they are pleased with the effect, that is all that matters. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the thought behind it is great. Many, if offered the car would grab it with both hands. Enjoy your present, never mind the media".....said Marian in Essex.
Ireland you may recall had his red and white Audi resprayed blue after team-mates teased him about driving around in the colours of their hated rivals. So it came as a surprise to see the alloy wheels and trim of Jesscia's Bentley decked out in a distinct shade of United red. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
Talking of cars and Arsenal's Nicklas Bendtner has been recalling his horror smash of a couple of weeks back, hailing the fact that he walked away unscathed as 'a miracle'. Indeed it was, although some would argue the real phenomenon took place last weekend, when he AND Dimitar Berbatov both managed to score in the Premier League. Truly astounding.
Meanwhile, Berba's boss was up to his old tricks after laying into Alan Wiley by adopting that famous terrace mantra 'you're not fit to referee'. As The Sunday Times wryly observed: "It was straight out of the top drawer of the cabinet marked 'Sir Alex Ferguson Diversionary Tactics'."
Fergie, who a fortnight earlier was seen laughing and joking with Wiley when United were winning (that's the key word) the Manchester derby, suggested the official was off the pace, while some of his European counterparts were "as fit as a butcher's dog". Incidentally, when was the last time you saw a butcher walking a dog? No, me neither.
Sir Alex found an ally in Gillingham boss Mark Stimson, who claimed refs were bringing criticism on themselves by taking to the field in increasingly flamboyant strips. Stimson said: "It's a crazy decision to put a referee in a pinky shirt. They get enough abuse as it is - but as soon as they walk on the pitch with that shirt, people laugh at them."
He's got a point - "Who's the w***** in the pink" just doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
From pink to blue and in the week the Tories announced plans to raise the retirement age, Owen Coyle decided it was time to dust off his boots. The Burnley manager made Ryan Giggs look like Brooklyn Beckham as he played up front for the reserves against Liverpool at the grand old age of 43.
While he didn't manage to get on the scoresheet, Coyle admitted he found the experience enjoyable and set a fine example to his young team-mates when he was substituted by somehow resisting the urge to throw his shirt to the floor and storm down the tunnel.
Staying in the Premier League and following on from the recent revelations that Sheffield United's Glen Little is known as 'Blakey' from On the Buses and David Ngog is called 'Wash', Wayne Rooney revealed that once he leaves training, it's goodbye Wazza and hello Jimmy.
The United striker told The Sun: "When I'm back home with my family and friends I'm just Jimmy. I've been called it since I was about 10."
He explained: "It's after Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. He used to do a cartwheel when he scored. I did it once when I was a kid and since then I've always been Jimmy."
Fair enough - although it's the kid growing up in the Congo when Bongo Christ was at his footballing peak that I feel sorry for.
The best name in English football at the moment has to Swansea's Angel Rangel. It takes me back to the days when glam rock ruled the world and the main protagonists had offspring called Rolan Bolan and Zowie Bowie. Let's hope James Blunt doesn't jump on the bandwagon.
Who loves ya baby?
Staying with music (loosely) and under-fire France boss Raymond Domenech has had a welcome distraction from their iffy World Cup campaign after a song about him topped the charts. The ditty, entitled Je Kiffe Raymond (I Fancy Raymond), is performed by former porn actress Catherine Ringer and includes the line "If he attacked my penalty area, I would be without defenders".
Wrong on so many levels, although I bet like me you're dying to hear it. (It's even got a bit of Chas 'n' Dave piano.)
Unlucky break of the week concerned striker Kris Boyd, who faces a long spell on the sidelines after he blew his nose and discovered he had a fractured eye socket. No laughing matter, I'm sure you'll agree - although it brings a whole new meaning to the old football cliché 'suffered an injury blow'.
Horror story of the week involved Roy Keane, who put the willies up an intrepid BBC reporter brave (or foolish) enough to ask him about his future at Portman Road. The Ipswich boss fixed his inquisitor with a stare that made Michael Myers look like Timmy Mallett and growled: "I refuse to answer that question."
I'll put a link to the scary footage here, but be warned, it's like The Ring - once you've seen it, it will stay with you forever.
And finally, hats off to Hull City, who bounced back from the 6-1 thrashing by Liverpool to beat Wigan. Phil Brown fired up his troops after the Anfield disaster by banning them from the club restaurant and taking the plug off the coffee machine.
To emphasise the point, he stuck a sign on it reading Out of Order, above which someone cheekily scrawled the word 'Bang'. Jimmy Bullard was unavailable for comment.
Have a good weekend one and all - and a special hello to jimmyupnorth , who last week wrote: "I'm seriously wondering if you'll ever get thru a blog without mentioning queens park bloody rangers". Jimmy, your wish is my command - I didn't even make reference to the fact that we've leapfrogged Man City to become the world's richest club once again. Oh damn.
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~03~RS~)
Comments
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Nice one as usual, Chris.
I agree with you about the butcher's dog comment. I mean, since when has a butcher's dog been a frame of reference for fitness? What's the next rung up the ladder? Sheepdog? St Bernard? Scooby?!?
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Haha..
Very good blog...
My today's favourite
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To emphasise the point, he stuck a sign on it reading Out of Order, above which someone cheekily scrawled the word 'Bang'. Jimmy Bullard was unavailable for comment.
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Fantastic
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James Blunt....Brilliant!
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I thought Kris Boyd fractured his eye socket in the Old Firm game and it was just brought to his attention when he blew his nose and ended up in some pain.
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1. Corpusboy: Quite! Although I bet someone will be on to tell us that the saying in fact derived from the days when butchers sent their dogs out to deliver meat to people who lived on the top of large hills.
5. dgibson9999: Fair point, that was a little ambiguous - I have amended it accordingly.
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Good read again, Chris.
On the subject of footballer's names, I was always impressed with Jermain McSporran, latterly of Wycombe Wanderers - it always conjured up images of one of the Jackson Five (or should that be four now?) dressed as Russ Abbott's "See you Jimmy" character.
Also worth a mention in dispatches is Stefan Kuntz, 90s German international striker immortalised by Baddiel and Skinner in their "Three Lions" video. No more need be said on that one.
As a Stokie, I also have to raise an eyebrow to Owen Coyle playing at 43! Pah!!! A veritable whipper-snapper compared to Our Stan still tricking full backs in the top flight at 50. And he said he retired too soon - they don't make 'em like that anymore. Can you see Cristiano Ronaldo still prancing and diving on the celebration of his half-century?
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Surely, the butchers dog is fit, as it has to be so the butcher doesn't catch it to slaughter / sell it... (back in days when meat was scarce)
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Its David Ngog - not Michael.
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'Who's the ****** in the pink!'
I'm still not sure what this is exactly: a visual pun perhaps? However it's supposed to read, the intimation is brilliant. Now you'll need to watch out for the Pink Mafia.
P.S. Amazing - I just tried to post this in your terms and was blocked by something called the profanity filter.
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The car scenario is downright hilarious and I hope that Stephen Ireland's team mates are giving the appropriate amount of pelters over it.
If they were scornful of the Man U bedecked car then the new Bentley-Jess (or B J if you will)will never be lived down in a footballing life-time.
Incidently - Raymond Domenech looks like a dead ringer for Jim's dad from American Pie!
And Kris Boyd has just joined a long-list of comedy injuries at Ibrox - does anyone recall Kirk Broadfoot's "egg on his face" injury last season?
And of course there was the time Ally McCoist injured himself getting out of bed - he did it really quickly so that he wouldn't look like a patsy as alison McCoist was making her way up the stairs!
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9. TimeForHeroes: Oh dear, can you see me blushing? I've got all sorts of excuses lined up but I'll just have to bite the bullet and admit I've had a shocker. As a fellow-Libertines fan, I hope you'll accept my apology. It has now been changed.
10. Coweslepe: Blimey, you're up early today! Apologies for the confusion - it refers to a well-known terrace chart back in the days when all referees wore black. As in 'Who's the..... in the black'.
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Great blog. I can't believe the comment sticking up for it was from somebody else in Essex. As if the county doesn't have a bad enough name as it is.
Anyway, as they, money can buy a lot of things but it certainly can't buy class. That car is absolutely shocking. Bentley should be ashamed of themselves for allowing it.
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I should like to know who managed to convince Stephen Ireland that his Bentley cost £260k, yes, yes I know he's a footballer and thus probably not the sharpest knife in the drawer but........ The model in question can be picked-up, brand new, from any Bentley dealer for £130k so the additions apparently cost as much as the new car. If this is the case......any footballers wanting to buy a pimped-up Bentley contact me.........for an extra £130k I'll have the bloody thing gold-plated, in and out.
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Ha ha "Time for Heroes". It's David, It's Michael, It's Jimmy, 'ts all the same. Don't matter............
Good Blog there matey.......
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Can you see Cristiano Ronaldo still prancing and diving on the celebration of his half-century?
No but I can imagine Teddy Sheringham will be somewhere
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Funniest thing I've read all day:
Staying with music (loosely) and under-fire France boss Raymond Domenech has had a welcome distraction from their iffy World Cup campaign after a song about him topped the charts. The ditty, entitled Je Kiffe Raymond (I Fancy Raymond), is performed by former porn actress Catherine Ringer and includes the line "If he attacked my penalty area, I would be without defenders".
Nice.
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Carlos Tevez certainly didn't start the trend of players not celebrating against their old clubs, that's a classic bit of football short-term-memoryism.
What about Denis Law refusing to celebrate when he stuck home the goal for Man City that relegated Manchester United in the 70s?
As a Chelsea fan I also fondly remember the great Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink refusing to celebrate when he scored for Charlton in front of the Matthew Harding Stand at Stamford Bridge four or so years ago. He got a standing ovation from 90% of the fans in the stadium for that.
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Hey I aint having a go like - I just didnt have time to be nice cos my boss was sniffing around :)
I aint ever going to have a go after the whole Robbie Blake / Kenny Lunt blogs from earlier in the year - still not recovered from them!
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Stephen Ireland is no knife, he is a proper spoon.
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Looking at the rich list, am extremely curious at how Mittal can grow his fortune by almost 50% (a whopping increase of 6 billion pounds) in one year!! Especially considering the financial cirsis! Seriously whats his secret? did he find the new Bernie Madoff?
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Chris, very nice blog again sir, keep em comming.
@11 that bj comment is class.
@15 Maybe it cost so much because the girl came with it. "Triked out" so to speak.
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* "Tricked out" damn it
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@15 & 23 the extra 100k could be the insurance.
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Stephen Ireland - good player but also a complete twerp.
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"said Marian in Essex."
Hahahahaha! I really do hate ireland as a person. As a footballer he is one of citys best, but as a person...well...hes just not all there i think.
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15. underinformed: The £260,000 (or £264k to be precise) was the general figure doing the rounds in the papers. The GTC Convertible Speed model is £146,000, so I'm guessing the rest was made up with the 'extras').
19. Jimboclarke: Hi Jimbo, yes of course they're not the first 'gentlemen' in football - Paolo di Canio's catch also springs to mind. I was just highlighting the fact that the trend seems to have resurfaced in the last fortnight.
20. Time For Heroes: Hey TFH! Course I didn't think you were having a go - and even if you were, I've got broad shoulders! I rely on you sharp-eyed youngsters to spot things that may have slipped through the net. Now, get back to work!
22. beesoo: If I find out, I'll share it with you - all of you, in fact!
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21. At 2:35pm on 09 Oct 2009, collie21 wrote:
Stephen Ireland is no knife, he is a proper spoon
..................................................
But sometimes the things he does seem a little forked up.
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I like how this thread is quickly turning into some sort of hit-out at what footballers do with their money. If Steven Ireland and his girlfriend like the car the way it's been customised then that's that. I'm sure if half the people reading/commenting on this blog had the same amount of freedom of money as these big-shot footballers they'd purchase and pursue a lot of things a lot of other people would frown upon.
Have to love bitter jealousy in my opinion. Really brings out the green in your eyes ;P
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RE:30
I'm really not sticking up for the car at all, but still, I couldn't give a crap what he does with his money or make a judgement on him "as a person" from it.
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30. Kihiro87: See what you're saying about the green-eyed monster, but when you bling up a car in that fashion, it invites criticism or admiration, depending on your viewpoint. If that car drove past you in the street, I'm sure most people would either say 'Wow!' or 'Oh my gawd!'
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29 Holloway, I have to compliment you on your fork gag, it nearly made me laugh out ladle… (I have others on the tips of my slung)…
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Damn spoonerisms!
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Kris Boyds injury came about after those Celtic players who go for a header with their elbows and get away with it had their wicked way - yet the whole world is against them! No bitterness at all in this comment though. Great blog, very enjoyable read :-)
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Chris... as always loved it! Very funny...
H2H, again thanks for the heads up on it being posted... and yours and Staffs spoon/cuttlery jokes are superb!
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I too would expect a lot of mickey taking for Stephen Ireland but that is a present for his GF not for him and anyway anyone who raises as much money for his favourite charity the Francis House Children's Hospice through the Stephen Ireland foundation is in my book allowed to splash the cash on his loved ones.Mind you I would like to see what he driving now his wages have gone up dramatically this year.
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To be 'as fit as a butchers dog', is an age old saying, and when I see people out walking their dogs, (unless they're in their uniforms etc) I wouldn't have a clue what they do for a living, how would I?
These two points are just the tip of the iceberg of an article that has more holes than a Swiss cheese.
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Steady on RBA don't make a meal out of it...
By the way are you going to reimburse Chris for that bet you told him to put on Aldershot to win? A fool and their money...
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Thanks 'Staff' knife one {That's nice one with a runny nose)
Anyway back to the blog regarding Rooney's nickname, "Jimmy".
Chris, over here (Holland) Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink goes by the name of Jarrel Hasselbaink. I don't think its because its a difficult name to pronounce, so do you have any idea why this happened?
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Ref. Footballers nicknames;
My all time favoutite has to be a guy who used to play for Wigan who is called Fitz Hall, his nickname was 'Onesize'......pure class!!
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I know there will be a lot of snarky comments about Ireland, his WAG girlfriend and the gaudy looking car but do remember his grandmother has died recently along with his goldfish.
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36. Cheers RBA - and of course H2H!
37. randalthor1812: I'm sure Stephen is a top bloke and the charity stuff is brilliant, but if the Dalai Lama himself bought his other half a car like that, I'd expect him to come in for a bit of a gentle ribbing.
38.dapperlittlekipper: Ooh, you rotter - you've spoilt it now! No, of course I wouldn't have a clue who was a butcher and who wasn't, but these pieces aren't meant to be taken too literally. I once attended a Chas 'n' Dave gig in their home town of Edmonton and this old woman kept shouting out: "I remember you, Chas Hodges, when you used to ride your butcher's bike up the High Street.... blah, blah blah." After listening to her rant on for a while, Chas turned to the mike and replied: "This one's for you - Rabbit."
39. oldstafford: I forgot to put the money on when he gave us a winner and I forgot to put it on when he got it wrong last week, so all in all I've come out evens!
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Some rather amusing content in your blog Chris, thanks for the giggles! And thanking you further for clarifying Ferguson's 'buthchers dog' comment. I too was baffled by this but just thought of myself as ignorant compared to a usually well-spoken SAF. I even thought it could be a uniquely Scottish phrase (mind you, we might still discover this to be the case. Any 50 years+ Scottish folks reading this? Please add your comments and enlighten us!)
I'm hoping this rumoured takeover by Price Faisal goes through. Apparently he is much richer (or has access to greater wealth) than the Man City owners. It's not that I want all the spoilt football brats (like Adebayor, Robinho, Bellamy, Lescott etc) but rather would like to see investment in the right areas like one or two world-class central defender, wingers/attacking midfielders and ofcourse the area we are lacking most, a striker/CF to compliment Torres' burdening talents. I'm only talking £100 million or so, nothing in football terms these days really..
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41. At 3:36pm on 09 Oct 2009, Ricksy007 wrote:
Ref. Footballers nicknames;
My all time favoutite has to be a guy who used to play for Wigan who is called Fitz Hall, his nickname was 'Onesize'......pure class!!
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Very good, But I reckon 'Chris' for Kiki Musampa trumps that.
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An elderly chap who works for my family has just confirmed that 'fit as a butchers dog' is indeed an old saying he has heard mant times though not recently until SAF dropped his diatribe at Wiley. Us young one's have a lot to learn! I'm only 22, so what's your excuse Mr. Charles?
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No 38; dapperlittlekipper
I saw my butcher (obviously I only realised it was him as he was still wearing his striped blood stained apron) out with his dog the other day, this dog had his two hind legs replaced with wheels, and was panting a lot - so not very fit at all.
Actually, I rather enjoy Swiss cheese and very much enjoy this blog. MAybe you and the JDRgang from Robbo's blog could join forces to be miserable?
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44. At 3:56pm on 09 Oct 2009, ******~Mr RAM~L.F.C. & B.D.~****** wrote:
I'm only talking £100 million or so, nothing in football terms these days really..
Dude you could buy Newcastle or half of the entire clubs in one of the lower leagues for that "small" amount.
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Nice blog.
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No 38; dapperlittlekipper
I saw my butcher (obviously I only realised it was him as he was still wearing his striped blood stained apron) out with his dog the other day, this dog had his two hind legs replaced with wheels, and was panting a lot - so not very fit at all.
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Your butcher walks around with a bloodstained apron, while his dog by his side struggles along with two legs missing? Someone HAS to pass his number on to Park Ji Sung...
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45. At 4:05pm on 09 Oct 2009, hebephrenic wrote:
41. At 3:36pm on 09 Oct 2009, Ricksy007 wrote:
Ref. Footballers nicknames;
My all time favoutite has to be a guy who used to play for Wigan who is called Fitz Hall, his nickname was 'Onesize'......pure class!!
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Very good, But I reckon 'Chris' for Kiki Musampa trumps that.
I have to concede, you have truly trumped me!!!
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Once again a great blog, however I have to say that in my opinion the best name in the football league at the moment belongs to the Scottish midfielder Emmanuel Panther currently on loan at Morecambe and possibly the reason Sol was scared away from Notts County.
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My French isn't everything it used to be, but I believe Madam Ringer's little ditty continues:
If he attacked my penalty area
I'd be without defenders
He's just the chap to find the gap
Just north of my suspenders.
Possibly, it loses something in the translation.
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'Fit as a butcher's dog' refers to the advert for a brand of dog food, I believe it may have been called Butcher's. Was quite popular in the mid 90s - like the Ronseal 'Does exactly what it says on the tin' lark which has like it, been sucked in as a modern colloaquialism.
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One of the more unfortunately named footballers was Scheidt, who signed for Celtic for almost five million quid in 1999.
What was especially unfortunate was that he lived up to his name.
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Speaking of great names, what about Arsenal's Sanchez Watt?...See it works on all levels.
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Amusing stuff this week Chris.
Stephen Ireland has set a unique ''steal this baby, 0-60 4.8 secs'' challenge to all the joyriders in Mancland.
Can't wait the motor to be sold. 'Bentley convertible cost new £160k, price with extras £35k, without £150k' Okay.. yes of course we are all green with it. Good player though, I wish my team had him.
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45. hebephrenic: At the risk of annoying jimmyupnorth from last week even further, I feel I have to inform you that 'Onesize' now plays for QPR (when he's not injured, that is).
46. MrRAM: Apologies MrRAM, sir, but it's getting towards the end of the day and I can't summon the strength to type out your full name, stars and all. I wasn't saying I hadn't heard of the phrase - indeed it was common parlance around my Nan and Grandad's house back in the day - what I was saying was that in this day and age, like so many of these old sayings, it just doesn't make any sense.
51. Ricksy007: So many nicknames, so little time. All the ones mentioned so far are excellent and I'm still a huge fan of Gordon 'Jukebox' Durie (although the meaning may be lost on some of those under 35.
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55 Zoot, luckily Kaka's not that bad
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The most unfortunately named football stadium in Europe is the Wankdorff Stadium in Berne. During the last European Championships, it was discreetly renamed "The Swiss National Stadium" to protect Motty and his ilk from offending the public decency.
The area of Berne retains the name Wankdorff, and has its own train station. I'm often in Switzerland. One can easily detect the Brits on the train when it stops at Wankdorff and the driver makes the station announcement. We're the ones who murmer "Yes, please."
We really are a vulgar lot, aren't we?
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Chris,
Is your brother Craig?
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61. boils: Oh don't you start! Sadly not, although I have been told on numerous occasions that I look like him. I do live on the same street as one of his Coronation Street co-stars - the guy who plays Dev - if that helps. He has the whole house, while we have to make do with a flat at the bottom of ours (sniff).
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Lets just be right about this here butchers dog, it comes from an earlier era when fitness was equated not with some wretched keep fit regime or DVD but eating well. Ie in an era of poverty and bad food.
A butchers dog had a constant supply of nice juicy bones, so was thought to be fit and well. Note not access to junk food so not fat and spotty!
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63, By jove, Phantom - 63 comments in and I think you've finally nailed it! How foolish we all feel now. Have a good weekend, sir - you deserve it!
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how vulgar is Stephen Ireland and his equally vile girlfriend/fiance/wag?
I'd love to ask him about his
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Great Blog Chris, had me smiling on a wet afternoon.
if memory serves me right, Scheidt's dad was a big fan of Kojak in the 70's and named him after Theo's mate Crocker....
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Well thank you very much and I shall not be getting fit this weekend with some ghastly work out but with a nice juicy steak and a fine bottle of red.
I feel certain Fergie would firmly approve!
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...ability to grow hair then loose it and then have a full head of hair again. Amazing. Wonder if Ireland (the country not the ego) qualify for SA 2010 will he come out of his self-imposed exile from international football?
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Actually, the term 'fit as a butcher's dog' comes from the dog pinching meat and racing away from the butcher (no doubt with large chopper comedically in hand).
Can you imagine ITV letting David Pleat loose at the Swiss National Stadium?
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What about Digger getting the Spanish Archer?
There's a shock, eh?
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Just goes to show you that footballers have the worst taste ever. They're just chavs with money
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59 H2H
The last time I attempted a merry quip using "Kaka", an irate Brazilian posted that the pronunciation was "Kih..KAAAAAAA", or something similar. Rafael Scheidt is also Brazilian, so I'm expecting an appropriate reprimand in the very near future.
70 BTP
Blimey. That was more difficult to translate than Madam Ringer's chanson d'amour.
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Surely the greatest ever nickname belonged to Stuart Barlow of Everton. He was called "Jigsaw" because he always fell apart in the box.
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Pakistan cricketer: Zandecky.
Wait for it...
"All Hands."
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I once knew a woman called Alison Van Der Land.
Which always made me chuckle.
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That's right, softly-softly: cover all tracks wisely and well, we don't want to upset those in the pink. But thanks for the clarification of the popular terrace chant; I might have missed that one, coming as did only every five minutes of every match.
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75 BTP
I'll bet her dad was mad 'at 'er.
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A present is not a present if it has strings attached, and that gauche bit of embroidery on the headrest is a bribe in every respect. It's hers as long as she's with "Stephen," and it's "Stephen" she'll see every time when she gets into that hideously disfigured Bentley. The car I mean. Such inscriptions belong only in the card attached to the gift, so that after the gift is properly acknowledged, you can throw away the card and truly appreciate it as your own. In this case, the inseparability of the card and gift ensure that she and the world knows who owns whom.
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To be honest, i prefer the back and red 3 wheel van that sean davies turned up in for training when he played for Portsmouth.
And with Ireland, just be glad it wasnt a lambo gallado in pink with a big love heart on the side!
Looking forward to seeing Fergie's next confrontation with Wiley. "Thanks for Man City pal, but you're still a c***"
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Ex Bury player and current captain of India Bhaichung Bhutia was known as Chip....as in Chip Bhutia! (maybe it's a Northern thing!)
As for odd names - Pablo Mills anyone?
Re: Stephen Ireland's WAG Mobile - surely he could have bought her a nice Jaguar and helped save Accrington Stanley with the rest?
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It's amazing what you'll agree to once that jaw is unhinged and the gag reflex is combatted,
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Stephen Ireland is a plank! A real role model for the yoof of today!
Don't you just love these overpaid footballers spend their money so wisely. On a par with the self playing piano that Gary Neville bought a few years ago.
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Still, getting away from Stephen Ireland's ridiculously bad taste in automobiles (Bunburyist makes a fantastic point and one which I neglected to realise earlier), the main talking point of this article should definitely be the French song!
What a classy piece of music indeed. The video on Youtube is just incredibly well done with a picture of Domenech and the lady in question herself, idly looking at one another. It's just too brilliant to ignore!
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Excellent blog, the funniest I've read in a while
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PS - re funny names, I actually had a customer last week called Michael Hunt, also had one called Paul Ince - definitely no relation...
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I once worked with a woman...I asked her name and she said, `Theresa Green`. I said, `Yeah, and so is grass, but whats your name?` That is a true story!
Always thought Crouch was inappropiately named. Rush lived up to his name. While Fowler could be one now and then. And that Maccarone was eaten up by defenders all too often. The word `Juventus` means youth, so why are they called the old lady? Too much random stuff here, I know.
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Juventus were formed in 1897 by a group of students and a couple of young bicycle repair men, hence "Juventus". It wasn't until 1923 that the Agnelli family took over and put Fiat money behind the club.
Once the Agnellis took over, Fiat employees from all over Italy, including the south, supported the club, and it became known as "The Girlfriend of Italy" (La fidanzata d'Italia). The nickname became distorted to "The Old Lady of Italy" (La Vecchia Signora) in the 1930s, in mockery because of the aging profile of many of its key players. The name has stuck ever since.
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"La fidanzata d'Irelande", by contrast, has a taste for appallingly designed motor vehicles not designed by Fiat.
And "La Vecchia Signora di Rooney" is alive and well somewhere in the north of England. But it will cost fifteen quid to find out more.
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Didn't Juventus adopt their famous black/white kit from Notts County?
Otherwise they too might of been known as the "#@####'s in the pink".
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There should be a space between "bicycle" and "repair", and an "e" in ageing, of course.
Must be something to do with being spaced out and ageing.
Time for a pint.
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H2H
Quite correct. The pink shirts wore out and an English player (Sergeant?)with contacts got an old set of Notts County jerseys sent out to Turin, in 1903. They have been playing in the black-and-white stripes since then.
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Chris -not bad blogg, but you have to be of a certain age to understand SAF's reference to 'fit as a butchers dog'!
As far as I can determine reading through the posts the true origins have not been picked up on by anyone and/or have not got the correct context; which is that years ago (and I mean years ago) Dog's kept by butchers only survived if they were quick enough to catch odd cuts of meat that fell to the floor or were thrown to them by the butcher - some say this was the training routine the butcher used to make sure they were quick enough to catch the rats that often infested butchers 'cold rooms' -in the days before refidgerated units obviously- hence the saying 'fit as a butchers dog', there were none fitter!
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I must be so sad - I only know Catherine Ringer as the singer with Les Rita Mitsouko. Yes, there is French music that isn't Johnny Halliday. Have to watch the YouTube video now!
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Cheers Zoot
I wasn't 100% sure, untill you confirmed it.
Enjoy that pint.
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How fit is Pat Butcher's dog?
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74. RedWhiteandermblue: Is that for real? If so, you win first prize - hands down!
75. BeyondThePale: Come on, you're pulling my leg! and 77. Zootmac - good response! Next thing you know, someone will be along saying they once worked with a woman called Theresa Green...ooh, look out - here comes Robokopthe3rd!
84. Kihiro87: Actually, the more I listen to it, the more it grows on me.
88/89. Zootmac: Good knowledge old son - you've definitely earned that pint!
93.0ncearedalways54: Between you and Phantom (63) I think you've sussed it. Either one plausible in my book, although of course still no relevance to the modern world.
96. tommyb1982: Fitter than Pat!
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Very funny blog, I'm quite upset I've managed to miss it all this time!
Keep up the good work, I'm not sure I'd ever have heard about the Domenech song without you!
Not strictly on topic but I knew a great guy whose real name was Bejay Ranger!! A better ready made pornstar name I dont think I'll ever see, until I probably find out he has a cousin called Cunnilingus Officer!
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Chris, is it wise of you to say that seeing as you have the same employer? Will there now be muted conspirators casting frosty glances your way in the bbc canteen?
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There was a kid in my school called Ben Bowler. He had a younger brother called Tom. Seriously. Last I heard they were trying to get touch with their long-lost Mongalian siblings, Tenpin and Legspin.
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60: How about Gay Meadow ? Shrewsbry !
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I feel sorry for the Bentley...a beautiful car..made to look like a car a chav wouldnt look out of place in.Shame.
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Surely Niles Ranger is the best name in football right now.
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If you like that french song, you should see the one they made over here (living in france) after Zidane headbutted Materazzi called "coup de boule" by Cauet. genius
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Chris.
105 comments not out. Is this your maiden century? If so, couldn't have come to a more deserving blogger. And fully appropriate for your best blog yet, IMHO.
#72: Zoot, chanson d'humeur, peut-être? I hope the last action see had in her penalty area wasn't the Scheidt-Brazilian you mentioned?
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#19 jimboclarke
When will you and others with the same wrong idea of Denis Law scoring to relegate United get their facts right as it NEVER happened, it is a fallacy. Had he not scored, and if United had won the game, IT WOULD HAVE MADE NO DIFFERENCE, United would still have been relegated, still being 2 points adrift of survival.
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Pretty average bit of writing just copied from the papers! The comment on James Blunt was pathetic.
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Did he find the spare cash from the bequest from his 'dead' granny's estate or has he borrowed it from the same company Allen Stanford used for his helicopter. He would do better to consult Shane Warne and Graham Gooch about his thatch rather than throwing gifts at his s***ch.
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Speaking of unfortunate names, at Sunderland we had Bernt Haas
and yes, he often kept the bench warm !!!
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#107 OUFCLS68
"Pretty average bit of writing just copied from the papers! The comment on James Blunt was pathetic."
Yes, you'd expect that "Review of the Week" would be breaking new ground, covering new ideas wouldn't you. Not summarising interesting or amusing things from the last seven days. Shocking.
Better to spend the time in future listening to music, you get so much more out of a half-hour with a bit of Blunt.
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99. tommyb1982: We're in different buildings, fortunately! And anyway, of course I'm taking about the character, not the actress. Pam St Clement is gorgeous, but once she gets into her Pat garb, she transforms into a completely different person.
100.tommyb1982: Tom Bowler? Cummon! Although I did go to school with twins called Ronald and Donald McDonald - I kid you not.
105. Fun_n_Games: Yes I believe this is the maiden ton on Review of the Week, although I got a few more when I did the Rio interview a while back (which consisted mostly of a load of anti-United folk giving me grief). Talking of which....
107. OUFCLS68: Average? Yep, I'd take that. 107 comments in and my first proper slating - I'd take that too. Good luck to the U's for the rest of the season by the way. See, I'm not bitter about that 1986 Milk Cup final defeat....much.
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Jimboclarke - As much as I would like it to be true, Dennis Law didn't relegate United in the 73/74 season. They were already relegated whatever the result against City. Sad that as a City fan I'm pointing this out, but I'm nothing if not fair.
Anyway, despite Stevie Ireland's lack of class off the pitch, he still offers enough on the baize like perfection of Middle Eastlands to win us the league in the next few years. Who says obscene wealth doesn't bring you happiness!? Tell you what though, I wouldn't mind QPR's money...
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"Ferguson apologises to ref Wiley"
What is the world coming to?!
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Top blog, but I'm afraid Chris that the comments made it.
Just to throw my two cents in, I think Mark Waugh being nicknamed Afghan was priceless
As in "the forgotten Waugh"
No.63 Phantom is spot on about the butcher's dog, as for all this "it's an old/Scottish/rarely used" expression baloney - I'm 20 and I've heard it from my Welsh father, northern mother and cockney mates!!
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so close chris......so close ;-)
Gr8 Blog Mate
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Well said. Although my mate is a butcher and he's got a dog the size of rocky. Fit as a fiddle he is.
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#97 Chris -'fit as butchers dog' ...... you say."... still no relevance to the modern world!"
A butchers dog survived through its fitness, hence SAF's comments were equating Fitness = Survival ... see the connection, still very relevant I would have thought... not too deep for you is it?
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114: whereswallygone: You're right of course - without you lot I'd be nowhere. If I could buy you all a pint, I would.
115. jimmyupnorth: Wahey Jimmy - knew you'd be along at some point! Nice to hear from you mate and glad you enjoyed it - couldn't have done it without you.
117: oncearedalways54: Phew! Run that by me again. To be honest, even when I'm given orders to feed one daughter and play a game with the other it gets a little too complicated for my wee brain to comprehend. Joking aside, what I meant was that the actual 'butcher's dog' is redundant now, rather than the analogy behind it....I think.
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What about fit as a dogs butcher?
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#35
"craigy1913shc wrote:
Kris Boyds injury came about after those Celtic players who go for a header with their elbows and get away with it had their wicked way - yet the whole world is against them!"
I guess you didn't see the game then! Don't let facts get in the way of your bias - it was a simple clash of heads....with Boyd jumping into a Celtic player who had his back to him. It looks like its not just "them" suffering from paranoia.
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Re nicknames I always liked Neil Pointon (Everton, Hearts etc) who was apparently know as "Disa".
I once worked with someone who's surname was Turner, known as "stomach" - he wasn't a bad lad, it was just funny.
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Catherine Ringer is an ex-p0rn star???
Sheeesh, I've been following her for 20 years & I never new that! Guess I just don't have the same research faculties as you, Chris.
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And there I was thinking we could have done with Stephen Ireland tonight against Italy! Maybe not, after all.
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We had a midfielder called Brian Kerr. We all just called him Wan
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#118 Chris - get your drift now... Ah. the beauty of well chosen words!
Incidentally, I found with my two daughters it was good idea to feed them both at once, or play with them both at once; any other option is likely to lead to tears before bedtime! (mine I hasten to add)
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Fantastic article. very very interesting. Keep up the good work, Chris.
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Brilliant to see so many posts on here... i think this is the most slept on Blog on the beeb... Always very funny and well written, quality mr Charles!
Plus, 4-1 to the Shots on Saturday!
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Agreed, RedBlue. And... Chris:
This week's blog was particularly good, with plenty for the wags to comment on, and not just about the WAGS.
I suspect that part of the success of this week's blog was also to do with the timing of three specific blogs.
In my opinion, Chris's "Weekly Review" should appear on Friday, preferably in the morning. Robbo's bi-weeklly feature should appear on Mondays and Thursdays. That would then allow a broader split of the more comedic blogs, on Monday, Thursday and Friday.
As thngs stand, Chris's blog usually appears shortly after Robbo's Friday blog - and, by that time, the usual suspects (guilty, like you, RedBlue) are already engaged being suitably abusive to Robbo.
Another thing that happened on Friday was that Chris's blog got full coverage on the main footy page, and that seldom happens. The increase in postings was immediately evident.
This blog is good stuff, and deserves s higher profile. In addition, we computer slaves who log on at various points during the working day for a bit of light relief would, I suspect, prefer three fresh blogs on three separate weekdays.
And well done the Shots.
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I totally concur with Zoot & RBA. Already looking forward to the end of the week, keep it up Chris, cheers.
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Everyone is giving Ireland a hard time, and rightly so, he is a vulgar man, but why is no one talking about Nicklas Bendtner? Few days ago, had a gooner try to convince me that he is a top class striker. I almost puked.
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another great blog chris, your getting good at this! My only problem is how come QPR are the richest, but can't beat Swansea?! Embarassing...
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first time poster
on the subject of nicknames, i always liked the former Everton ,Man City and Oldham defender Neil "Dissa " Pointon,
as for Stevie Ireland great footballer bad taste .
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It's interesting that you mock footballer's cars while intimating that we should rhyme someone's name with one of 'those' words. The intimation technique raises you so much higher than a bunch of talented 'oiks' with too much money. If only you could play football, eh? What a car you might have . . . Lowest common denominators generally only head in one direction. Do you need a map?
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Is a butcher's dog not quite fit because it's constantly running after the meats in the butcher's shop?
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What next - Sir Alex Ferguson praising referees? Arsene Wenger witnessing controversial incidents? West Ham supporters holding a benefit dinner for Paul Ince?
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Will only happen on February30
Rooney called Jimmy because of Hasselbank? Its not because of the celebrations Rooney but the ears.
Ireland? How come he plays so intelligently on the pitch?
Phil Brown? He definitely did that and will be laughing while doing it. What a bloke. The bang? Definitely Bullard. I wonder how frowner and Clown will do in the Hall.
Nice one mate.
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