Review of the week
Whoever said Christmas comes but once a year was clearly telling porkies.
The buzz I got when the new fixtures were announced was right up there with the time I unwrapped my Evil Knievel Stunt Cycle (which, unlike that well-known brand of varnish, did not do what it said on the tin).
It's impossible for the eyes to digest all the information as quickly as your brain wants them to, but the initial skim-read always guarantees that for every plum tie you spot, there's always a 'Here's what you could have won' moment right behind.
In fact if the legendary Jim Bowen was unveiling QPR's top 10 fixtures for 2009/10 on Bully's prize board, this is what he might have said:
In One: You won't need your brolly to welcome back Olly - it's Blackpool at home in sunny August, as former boss Ian Holloway returns with his new club on the first day of the season.
In Two: If you like naval-gazing, then this is amazing - will Rangers halt the Pilgrims' progress in their first away trip of the campaign?
In Three: This could be tricky - you might need a sicky - Newcastle away on a Wednesday (flippin') night.
In Four: You know I'm not messing when I say this is pressing - a date with The Iron at Glanford Park.
In Five: Your boys have the dosh, but it won't make you Posh - it's Peterborough United at home.
In Six: Cold turkey and cider on your Boxing Day rider - as the Christmas Robins of Bristol come-a-calling.
In Seven: One to be feared (watch out for the beard) - it's a festive trip to face Keano's Tractor Boys. And a return to his old club for Jim Magilton (actually he'll probably be long gone by then).
In Eight: Forget about tat and a kiss-me-quick hat - everywhere will be shut when you visit Blackpool in mid-winter (for the third successive season - grrr).
In Nine: A date with Robbo? Just the jobbo - swap your blog for the smog as you head up to Middlesbrough in late Feb.
And Bully's Special Prize: You'll be over the moon as you welcome the Toon - in a final-day clash that could be a promotion/relegation play-off (delete where applicable).
There's no telling who will be running the Geordies - on or off the pitch - by then. As Sam Allardyce wryly observed when he was shown the door last year: "I don't want to comment on who or what will take over my job at Newcastle."
Mike Ashley, in his infinite wisdom, invited potential investors to email their bids for the club and the media got quite excited when a £150m offer was put on the table by a north-east consortium fronted by lifelong Newcastle fan Rick Parkinson.
It sounded too good to be true...and it was. Parkinson turned out to be Richard Parker, a lifelong Sunderland fan who gleefully hoodwinked everyone. "It's all friendly banter. I'm sure the majority of Magpie fans will see the funny side," he chuckled. I'm sure they will, Richard.
When soon-to-be-Saint (?) Kevin Keegan first walked out on Newcastle, he famously declared: "It's not like it said in the brochure."
Michael Owen has clearly taken heed of his former boss's advice and produced his own 34-page glossy number to tout his wares to potential suitors. "Were it not for an unhappy spell at Real Madrid and two injury-scarred years at Newcastle, he would be spoken about in the same breath as Torres and Ronaldo and valued in the priceless figures that only match-winning goalscorers ever justify," the brochure reads.
Manchester United start the defence of their title against Birmingham - a fixture described as a 'Brum deal for United' in a Teletext headline. Oh I don't know, even without the services of Ronaldo, I reckon the Red Devils might just squeak a 3-0 win.
Ronaldo, meanwhile, is on his annual public holiday, moaning that people are paying too much attention to what he wears. I know what he means - I too get strange looks every time I wear my pink hat with a flower in public. I just can't understand it.
At least that well-known fashion icon Paris Hilton was sympathetic to the cause. The airy heiress was spotted cosying up to the world's most expensive footballer two days running - or as The Sun tastefully described it: 'Ronaldo has night in Paris', followed by 'Ronaldo's second night in the Hilton'.
Incredibly, the Portuguese winger was outdone in the Carry on Camping stakes by United team-mate Rio Ferdinand, pictured on his stag-do wearing a pair of denim hotpants and a fetching floral crop top. Turns out it he did it for a bet - so what's Ronaldo's excuse?
And finally, back to the highlight of the week. If you want to read a proper, comprehensive piece on the football fixtures, may I suggest you check out Fletch's fine piece of prose, or if you want to know how they are compiled, it's that man Fletch again. In fact the bloke is so darned industrious, he makes all our sandwiches before he leaves the house and sweeps up the office floor before he goes home.
As Fletch wryly observed: "I like to think the day the fixtures are released is the point when the mind finally leaves behind the previous season and becomes infused with a sense of summer optimism for the forthcoming campaign."
Amen to that. Give it a couple of months and I'll doubtless be back in that slough of despond, but for now, in the words of the great man himself, everything is super, smashing great.
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~13~RS~)
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First Comment! Woohoo
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I got as far as 'In Four' . . I can only guess how pointless the rest of the article was.
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Theres a couple of look at what you could of won jokes somewhere come on phil let them loose
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campness is the new black
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That brochure Owen produced is plain embarrassing. I know he's had his share of injuries in recent years, but there are plenty of people who would say loss of edge has not come from the lack of playing but his increased interest and full-on involvement in horseracing. The racing seems to have been the distraction that has nudged his career in the wrong direction, and Fabio Capello (shrewd man that he is) seems to have noticed this a while ago meaning Owen's England career is finished. Shame really, as Owen was top notch at his peak. He'll never get it back now - too much water has gone under the bridge. http://www.loserscomesecond.com/
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I guess Ronaldo and Torres could still be spoken in the same breath as Owen. They all have deceptive pace, but unfortunately in Owen's case it's that he's slower than he looks...
In all seriousness though, surely Owen is worth a punt for any side outside of the top 4, just in case he bangs in 20 goals and gets the team challenging the top 4. I'd love to see him at West Ham, if nothing else he can keep Dyer and Ashton company on the treatment table.
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How can you be a bitters fan and be quite fond of football?
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Good writing but I didn't understand half of it. I suppose not having known about Ronaldo in miss Hiltons special place or Rio getting his squezzed in his shorts will now make me a plastic Man United Fan? Or perhaps that I am not even English would do that. Just point for yourself and the other writers. If you get together with your I.T. guys I am pretty sure you can find out where the audience comes from. I am also pretty sure I am not the only English speaker who follows the footie outside of England. So with that in Mind perhaps a little less parochial writing could be requested?
None the less off season is rubbish. Perhaps some input about the confederations cup would be fun? Some real analysis would be fun too ala that bloke in Brazil but about the premier league. For example all we got is 'Why ronaldo left' Who will replace him? Charlton says it's obscene blah blah. Where is the man for man team for team analysis at the end of the season. At mid season. and just before the start of the season. But real analysis, not blind myopia about how good Micheal Owen ( who hasn't been good in 5 years) is or could be. No one cares about that anymore. Torres is the deal in the premiership now followed by Anelka.
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2. BuryareFantastic: You're quite right of course - it was indeed totally pointless. I don't know what came over me. I've obviously been watching too many Bullseye repeats on Bravo.
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Enjoyed the Bullseye Spin on things. Good effort!
I am, however, still a little dissapointed with all the Owen bashing that's going on at the moment. Give the guy a break for God's sake! He had a terrible injury during the World Cup in 2006 after just signing for Newcastle. When he recovered from that he was scoring goals again. But as is often the way after a long lay off along came another injury and the ensuing struggle for fitness and list of injuries since.
Maybe, just maybe, Owens subsequent injuries and lack of form have been more down to the trainig regime at Newcastle (just a thought), bringing him back too early after only one or two reserve league games and not being fully match fit. As expectations of him have obvioulsy been very high becasue of his reputation, he has quite plainly been under pressure from fans and club management to perform straight away. He has obviously wanted to do well for his team and has tried too hard to deliver knowing he isn't as sharp as he once was and along comes another injury to knock the confidence. It has been a viscious circle for him and culminated in everyone appearing to get at him for not single-handedly keeping Newcastle in the Prem.
It's a well known fact that players rarely perform well in their first few games after a long lay-off and need time to get into the groove again. As some people have said, once he's fit and has that sharpness and the service every striker requires(after all he can't do it all himself as football is a team game) he will score goals and his class will shine through again to prove all the doubters and those who get on a particular bandwagon, completely wrong.
Good luck, Micheal, where every you decide to play next season and don't listen to the drivel that is been spoken and written about you begin past it and useless. This can only make you stronger!
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Owen's brochure,
"Were it not for an unhappy spell at Real Madrid and two injury-scarred years at Newcastle, he would be spoken about in the same breath as Torres and Ronaldo and valued in the priceless figures that only match-winning goalscorers ever justify,"
It beggar's belief! Even the most unscrupulous estate agent would be choking on their lunch. The only comparison between Owen and Ronaldo is an uncanny knack of falling like a stone once they saw the penalty box.
Chris, read your colleague's blog about the "slippery slope" and pray to any or all Gods that QPR will avoid it.
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Can we all -especially the pundits- stop blabbering on about Owen as if he is anything else but finished? I'm sorry about his injuries and all that but those (and sadly that includes some BBC 5 live football correspondents) who think he should be part of the England squad are deluded.
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Excellent review again, Chris.
"In Four: You know I'm not messing when I say this is pressing - a date with The Iron at Glanford Park."
So good, but so so bad!
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@8 collie21
Sorry but the BBC and the website is funded by the British taxpayer and therefore it should be aimed at the UK audience. Believe me though if you think that writing is parochial then you have never read Robbo Robson's blog!
NOTE to the BBC however the UK does exist OUTSIDE of the Greater London area, just in case you know you forgot, which you seem to have.
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In Seven: One to be feared (watch out for the beard) - it's a festive trip to face Keano's Tractor Boys. And a return to his old club for Jim Magilton (actually he'll probably be long gone by then).
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You talking about Magilton or Keano???
If ever there are going to be two contrasting managerial styles it will be here, Magliton is most likely a yes man who will do everything Briatore tells him to do (appears to have been in the job spec) and Keane is so paranoid about being controlled that he quit because his last Chairman wanted to talk to him after a 1-4 drubbing against Bolton at home.
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19. burty_6-53: You make some good points about Owen and believe it or not I am a fan of the wee man. The problem is with the brochure advertising his wares.
The fact is, at his best - and fittest - he was one of the world's best strikers. Who wouldn't want a CV that included the likes of the late double against Arsenal to win the 2001 FA Cup final, the hat-trick against Germany and of course THAT goal against Argentina.
But past glories alone won't seal a deal with a big club. The brochure (whose idea was that?) talks of how good he would be if he hadn't been crocked, but the sad fact is that he is injury-prone. And for that reason none of the Big Four are likely to take a punt on him for silly money a week - brochure or no brochure.
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14. Richyburger: There will be no talk of this BBC London bias come 2011, when BBC sport moves up to Manchester. And you certainly can't excuse me of any London bias me ol' china.
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Hey Richyburger, it may be the British tax payer who pays for this site, which incidently has advertising on it which is against the remit of a public service.
I have read Robbo hence the need to make the point, I was hoping Chris could pass on the message.
I guess if the Beeb and their employees want to limit decent intelligent discussion to those in the greater london or manchester areas then it's their right. But honestly it's becomming more and more narrow that I am thinking a lot of people are beginning to look else where for the serious news about football.
I will never understand why a player not getting a fine for a crash, appears in the footie pages. If I want news I will go and read the news, footie is footie.
Hear Hear SirIsaccTheRed some intelligence and less myopia badly needed. I think the proof is a) he had to get a brochure together, b) 30 Premier league managers have yet to make an inquiry for him in the last 3 years........oh wait, maybe they are all wrong. Jimmy greaves would do better
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Chris mate, nice read as ever fella. A welcome distraction to this rather humdrum friday afternoon, gawd bless ya! i aim to spend the next hour enjoying peoples comments and doodling pictures of dinosaurs, anything is better than work, am i right!?
#4: that is one of the funniest things i have ever read in any post ever... and some how done the impossible by making Ainsley Harriot even cooler than he previously was!
As for the Owen brochure, that is hillarious... personally i think he should go a step further and have a QVC style info-mercial, failing that E-Bay and as a last resort simply leave him at a road side and hang a sign round his neck "former great, £30,000,000 worth of work done, open to offers". the do-as-you-likey i bought my car off said it was a great way to offload old-bangers to mugs.... (why did i buy that car???)
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I think some folk think the Owen Brochure is you taking the pizz. Just shows how silly the move is. If the guy had any, he would just finish up his contract get himself fit and sign up for anyone come January...oh no that would be hard work.
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@17 collie21
Actually if you are in the UK there are no adverts because that would be illegal as you say. BBC World is an offshoot of the BBC which sells BBC stuff to other countries worldwide hence why you can see the BBC site at all
@19 Chris Charles
To be fair the sport isn't as bad as the rest of the BBC and heck I'm sure the sport won't have anything to do with London after 2011... hang on a second. I would never begrudge any growing up anywhere but if you break into a chorus of "Is it because I'm a Lahndaner..." then I demand my licence fee back ;)
To be fair I hope that Owen's agents haven't put "two injury scarred years at Newcastle" since he has been with them for 3!
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Hey Chris any chance of nice piece about Goalkeepers in the up coming season, or left back position or something? I have pain in my rear bits with Strikers. Some nice analysis of the back 4 of Stoke in comparison to those of Fulham would brighten up many a football fans day. There are a lot of teams outside the top 4 or bottom 3 we never hear about but they have to be beaten in order to win the league. Failing that gimmie a job. I will write the pieces. :-)
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Hey Collie21. You ask for coverage of the Confederations Cup - have you not noticed that there are reports on every game on the football homepage? And highlights too - but only for the UK, non-advert viewing audience :-)
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Hi Chris,
As a fellow football ''expert'', I am surprised that the Confed Cup didn't rate a mention in your review. Some good stuff from the Brazil boys and the Egyptians. Sadly the most awful noises made by the 'locust' horns forced me to mute the sound. The background noise was worse than Henman's orchestrated horns noise at the Davis Cup a while back.
Please use any contacts among your commentator mates to up the commentary and minimise the locust swarm background noise.
London bias? Not noticed this, but the Manchester bias will be even worse when the Beeb are ensconsed in Manu's backyard, and with Citeh splashing the cash. NB Beeb journos can get to Goodison via the M62 and Queens Drive.
Fletch has it spot on, ''infused with optimism''. And I'll tell you what - if Everton down the Gunners in our opener, a top four place is nailed on with such a kind fixture list.
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Snooze - surely there must be more interesing things to write about !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Michael Owen's defining moment occurred after he scored the hat-trick against Germany. He swapped shirts - then realised that he wanted his England shirt back, and reclaimed it from the German dressing room, not because of what it meant to him as a memento of his performance for England - but because of what it might be WORTH.
Sums up the man, for me.
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"Whoever says Christmas comes but once a year was clearly telling porkies"
Now you've REALLY done some damage, young Charles: apparently the Premier League no longer believe in Setanta Clauses.
Pah! Humbug!
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I agree with the poster who made the remark about taxpayers money. This article is about as relevant and useful as a chocolate frying pan. Whereas Robbo is topical and very witty this is just a space filler. As usual there's not a lot happening so the Beeb comissions someone (on about 50K) to pen something for the masses. Should be filed in the circular receptacle. (down the khazi)
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"All posts are reactively moderated." you can't beat a bit of reciprocity can you :(
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rubbish article, agree with the above... Robbo is witty...now boro are relegated it will make him more ruthless in his bitterness..all best to the boys on tee side
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The Owen choice is simple. Join a top half team on a pay as play contract like Saha did at Everton. It seems to have worked well last season for both Lois and Everton.
Owen may have lost his pace but his strikers instinct and talent for being in the right place at the right time will make him a good squad player to have. not to mention the fact he's a proven natural finisher.
Owen was awesome for Liverpool, England (except WC 2006 he bust his knee in the 1st game tripping over the ball) and did OK at Real Madrid.
Newcastle have a history of ruining players with a dodgy training ground and the poor lad was fed junk all season from the worst Newcastle squad ever. The fact he's produced a brochure is a bit odd, as his CV barring the last 2 seasons is pretty solid.
I suppose the injury is the ultimate challenge for Mikey boy. Can he overcome it and make a Rocky like come back to win the World Cup for England in 2010? i think maybe one thought to far?? wrkd
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May be its cause its 5.41 in the morning, or may be its because im a miserable sod. But what a load of tosh that was. Can i have those five minutes back of my life please
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Bit of a mixed reaction, but it brought a bit of joy to my working morning, so nice one! Some folk need a sense of humour transplant. Owen? He will end up at some prem club, but which one is prepared to take a gamble? Watch this space for a surprise move by a top club!!
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Every good striker needs good service! Owen had that in the form of Gerrard, Murphy and Hamann! He also had a high quality midfield at Real Madrid to provide service but Newcastle do not have players good enough to compliment Michael Owen. Joey Barton? Kevin Nolan? Jonas? Guthrie(A Liverpool Reject)? All Bad Players! Duff was good but is over the hill now too. James Milner was their only good midfielder but he was sold. Michael just didnt have the right quality to help justify his price and the expectation of the Toon Army!
Good Blog!
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But it wasn't Jim Bowen who read the list of prizes out, was it?
FAIL.
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Nice one Chris! Unlike those glory supporters above, I can understand the hardship of supporting a team in the Championship - although if I supported QPR, I probably wouldn't put that in my blog ;).
Really good though - loved it!
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With Paulo Sousa's appointment as manager of Swansea City, we have:
* Paulo Sousa a successor to Roberto Martinez at Swansea City.
* Roberto Martinez a successor to Steve Bruce at Wigan Athletic.
* Steve Bruce a successor to Roy Keane at Sunderland.
* Roy Keane a successor to Jim Magilton at Ipswich Town.
* Jim Magilton a successor to Paulo Sousa at QPR.
http://footballinsights.wordpress.com/2009/06/20/manager-go-round-a-complete-circle/
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An article of thunderous oafishness!Will the real Chris Charles please stand up?
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36, Steve Bruce was successor to Ricky Sbragia.
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quite a funny blog to be fair except the nonsense about Man U beating Birmingham first game, think some people need to lighten up a bit......James....,Birmingham
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34. At 1:01pm on 20 Jun 2009, GoonieChunk wrote:
But it wasn't Jim Bowen who read the list of prizes out, was it?
FAIL.
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Oh yes it was! A lovely fab smashing bloke is Jim!
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That brochure Owen produced is plain embarrassing. I know he's had his share of injuries in recent years, but there are plenty of people who would say loss of edge has not come from the lack of playing but his increased interest and full-on involvement in horseracing. The racing seems to have been the distraction that has nudged his career in the wrong direction, and Fabio Capello (shrewd man that he is) seems to have noticed this a while ago meaning Owen's England career is finished. Shame really, as Owen was top notch at his peak. He'll never get it back now - too much water has gone under the bridge
http://mnurl.com/tt3sb
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Re posts 34 and 40, if I remember correctly the Bully's Prize Board introduction was a shared job between Jim Bowen and Tony Green, with Tony doing the In One bit and then Jim announcing the prize with a rhyming gag, therefore technically it was Jim Bowen who announced the prizes.
Post 34, FAIL.
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chips
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Chris, your job is far too fun
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Visit
http://onthebreak.wordpress.com/
for more Footbball opinion
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