Review of the week
In the week Sir Alex Ferguson revealed he was a closet Abba fan, Jose Mourinho finally met his Waterloo.
Fergie's fancied Cheltenham horse What A Friend was seemingly still running when Manchester United's clash with Inter kicked off, but his quest for the unprecedented nap hand remains firmly on course.
Mourinho, who previously held the Indian sign over Sir Alex, began the week by suggesting he could replace his rival one day, but the Old Trafford faithful left the Portuguese in no doubt as to their feelings, with chants of "You're not special anymore!"
Ferguson has been the epitome of calm just lately (even agreeing with Arsene Wenger's claims Cristiano Ronaldo was arrogant) and it could all be down to his obsession with Sweden's biggest export.
In an interview with Inside United magazine, the Scot claimed - without a hint of irony - "The Beatles' music was unbelievable...alongside Abba, you'd have to put them down as the greatest groups of musicians ever."
That startling admission could explain the real reason for the much-publicised fall-out with his skipper Roy Keane all those years ago. Earlier this season, Keano recalled an episode when Sunderland travelled to Ipswich: "I swear they were playing Abba before the game - Dancing Queen, I think it was. I think a few of the players liked Abba, that was the bloody problem."
A lesson to all the current squad, perhaps - you can ask for all the Money, Money, Money in the world, but don't diss the boss's (dubious) musical tastes.
United seemed to be hogging the news this week - if it wasn't Fergie serving up foie gras to Denis Law (before cooking Mourinho's goose), it was Cristiano Ronaldo hoping for sprinting lessons with Usain Bolt, although cynics might suggest Tom Daley would be a more appropriate mentor.
And of course there was no escaping talk of the quintuple - a word previously
only found in cryptic crossword solutions but now common parlance for your average football fan (metatarsal is so 2002).
It's two down three to go after the League Cup final triumph - a game where the sponsors were Carling but the headlines all Foster's - and with a last-eight spot in the Champions League secured, along with a semi-final berth in the FA Cup and the Premier League seemingly in the bag, you wouldn't bet against it.
Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool made it a clean-sweep for England in Europe, with Fernando Torres neatly rounding off the Abba theme by netting in the Red's 4-0 demolition of Real Madrid.
Chelsea's Ashley Cole played in the draw with Juventus despite his little run-in with the police and he may well have wished he was locked up again after returning from Turin to meet up with wife Cheryl. It would be wrong to speculate what was said between the two, although a line from a Half Man Half Biscuit song inexplicably popped into my head - "I'm up the creek and never mind the paddle - I haven't even got a canoe."
In the Premier League, the pot, kettle, black award went to Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce for declaring that his faltering side were carrying too much weight. Big Sam said of Benni McCarthy: "We need to get a little bit more fat off so he's more mobile", before tucking in to a dripping sandwich with a custard tart chaser.
Tony Mowbray is one manager leading by example after giving up his beloved chocolate for Lent. Keen to show their manager some support, the players are also doing their bit during the holy month and have collectively given up the ghost.
It's pretty much the same story at my club, QPR - where you're guaranteed rubbish football at top prices. As 'Flameboy' on the Loft For Words messageboard put it: "We must be the only club in the world that have got worse since we became owned by billionaires."
Next up for us is Southampton, who got back into the winning habit after manager Mark Wotte ordered his players to live like monks. It's 10 points out of 15 for the Saints and you can bank on my lot handing them three more as they bid to avoid the dreaded Trappist door. (My coat and hat are at the ready.)
And finally, despite David Beckham's best efforts at courting the media, the footballing name on everyone's lips this week is none other than Carlton Palmer, who has been starring in an hilariously disturbing advert for a well-known bookmaker. If you've been on Mars this past week, take a look at it here - suffice to say bath-times will never be the same again.
OTHER STUFF
Tim Cahill's son falls off his chair.
Former Bolton star Stig Tofting knocks out wrestler in celebrity boxing match.
Photographer knocked down by ball during Copa Libertadores match.
Norwich defender Jason Shackell gets into mistaken identity row.
AZ Alkmaar keeper Sergio Romero breaks his hand after punching a door.
(Courtesy of Off The Post football blog).
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~52~RS~)
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Nice blog again, extremly amusing!
According to my computer, none of those links provided just above are working?
Head up with QPR, my friend supports Luton!
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1. JB8_LFC: Cheers ears. I've just checked the links and they seem to be working fine. The legendary Kevin Gallen and his magic hat are currently at Luton, so won't say a word against them!
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More Good Stuff Chris mate,
Keep Up the Good Work
If only we could be a fly on the wall eh, when the new 'Peoples Princess' Cheryl Tweedy(come on people lets face it, it cant be long in coming) lays all wholey hell into CAshley?! You know aswell being a geordie lass that she will kick 10 bells of you know what out of the namby pamby footballer?! haha
"dripping sandwich with a custard tart chaser." - Loved It
Oh and -
"a game where the sponsors were Carling but the headlines all Foster's" thats where the coat should of been gotten my friend?! hahaha lol
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Ashley Cole bit was brill. Can't wonder for a second what make people think Cheryl would be so fierce!!! I mean its not as if he has done anything wrong before.....is it?!!!!
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Links seem to working fine for me. Nice blog.
Chris, 'loft for words' your favourite message board? Personally I'm a fan of 'qprdotorg'.
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Ah Ha Mr Charles!
Ive missed your blogs dude, where you been at?
Anyway, as good a piece of writing as we have come to expect from you mate, very clever, very funny, and... with that Carlton Palmer advert, also very disturbing.
Good stuff Chris, glad to have ya back
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4. Samwell2804: If I had to get my coat every time I said something a bit cringe-worthy I'd need a collection to rival Imelda Marcos' shoe stockpile.
6. Du-can: I read quite a few of the Rangers boards and like dotorg too, but have to say LFW is probably the one I visit most.
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7. BCChris: Good to be back! Won't go into too many details but unfortunately had a family bereavement which kept me away from the coalface for a while. But it's business as usual now - unless my boss has other ideas!
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Lovely blog Chris, the Trappist gag the highlight for me. But before I go, are you sure that isnt you in the bath with Carlton?
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Well spotted, number 11!
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11/12: Ha ha! Just had another look and can see where you're coming from. Although a) I'm better looking (ahem) and b) I have a bit more hair than that - even though my profile pic admittedly make me look like one of the monks Mark Wotte was talking about.
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Good Blog Chris.
Perhaps you need to inform Ranger's Billionaire owners that they need to unlock the padlock on their wallets before they can reap the benefits of owning a football (matter of conjecture) club.
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In defence of Big Sam he doesn't need to be slim and in shape - his players do.
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Good to see you back and on form CC.
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I don't know if you've all seen this before but the Phrase "Only in America" comes to mind.
The son - or who I presume to be the son ducks out of the way. Tit.
the effects are hilarious although in poor taste
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjColip9Eok
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How remiss of me, welcome back mate and condolences of the family bereavement.
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"sponsors were Carling but the headlines all Foster's" I like it. As for Man Utd to defend their champions league, I guess Carling don't do finals but if they did...............
Nonetheless amazing to see you write in simile metaphor and whatnot and not actually say anything straightforward till the middle of the 3rd paragraph.....even if it was understandable. I know some English language students wouldn't understand your stuff for love love love nor money money money, so I guess I should let it be! :-)
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I've been on Mars lately (they call it Australia here) so hadn't seen that ad - cheers Chris
I love how he's so unrecognisable he has to give his name
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Haha, weirdly enough my facebook status is "I'll never have a bath again incase cartlon palmer pops up from nowhere"
Entertaining column
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Hi Chris. Good to see you back blogging, missed your weekly roundup!
I see Mourinho gave Ferguson a bottle of wine before the 1st leg at Milan. I see Fergie's reply was a dish best served cold in the 2nd leg!!
Do you think we will see another repeat or quarter/semi finals of english clubs playing each other. Some of the Chelsea players have said that they are sick of playing Liverpool in the later stages of the CL.
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Palmer and Charles sharing a tub.I'm looking forward to a great breakfast in a little bit so I'll use the time before then to try and get that image outta my head.So when you're not around your column goes on hiatus?what's that lazy so and so Stevo doing?sorry bout the family bereavment mate!
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21. collie21: Nice to hear from you again - you've even managed get your ID in synch with the comment number...no mean feat. Yes, take your point about the simile/metaphor whatnots - even though I don't fully understand it!
22. tarquin: Good point - don't suppose Beckham would have to announce himself, but then don't suppose Beckham would do an ad like that! Wonder if Carlton was the first choice or they had a few knock-backs first?
25. redandblackY1899?: Yes, please delete that image from your head - I'm never going to have a bath again, just in case. As for Stevo, he's a law unto himself that boy - but we all love him dearly of course.
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"Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool made it a clean-sweep for England in Europe"
Didn't another English team win in Europe last week?
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