Review of the week
As the fall-out from the Kaka deal continued, Manchester City's executive chairman was portrayed as football's answer to David Brent.
Garry Cook, barely a household name in his own household a fortnight ago, was ridiculed by respected scribes like Patrick Collins, who opined in his column for the Mail: "He is a comic treasure. His quixotic pursuit of the Brazilian footballer Kaka has put a smile on the face of the nation."
The Sunday Mirror and News of the World also jumped on the Brent bandwagon, and with comments from Cook like "the speculative circus has taken us on a journey that we didn't want to go on", you could see where they were coming from.
City fans are understandably upset about their club being labelled a joke and as a QPR supporter (only the country's second-richest outfit) I'm certainly in no position to put the boot in.
But if Cook wants to get this monkey off his back, he could do worse than adopt the following Brentism - 'When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"'
Meanwhile in Milan, Kaka rubbed salt in City's wounds with a brace against Bologna, and David Beckham notched his first goal in a 4-1 win. The LA Galaxy star appeared dead-set on making the move permanent, even adopting a comedy Italian lilt in his post-match interview as he declared: "It's more important that di team won." He's obviously been taking tips from his former boss Schteve McClaren.
There was speculation Mrs Beckham wouldn't be quite so keen on leaving Los Angeles and a shocking headline on one website screamed: 'Becks Dumps Posh!' On closer inspection, however, it was revealed to be the official Leeds site describing the Jermaine Beckford brace that sank Peterborough in League One. Phew.
In the FA Cup, Swansea led the way by dumping holders Portsmouth out, helped by a goal from Jason Scotland. Before the game, the striker was pictured with Swans fans Ian Vernon and wife Linda, who went into labour on the terraces when she celebrated Scotland's goal against Wolves earlier this season.
Ian recalled: "I phoned the hospital half-hoping they would say come down after the game but they wanted her to come in straight away. I couldn't leave her to go on her own, could I?" It's good to know the age of chivalry is not yet dead.
ITV perhaps weren't expecting Pompey-Swansea to be the story of the round if the bizarre camera angles in the highlights programme were anything to go by. As one wag on a QPR messageboard put it: "It looked like it was filmed by Tony Adams with his mobile phone."
Adams knew he needed a star signing after the Cup holders' lame exit and promptly went and bought...Pele. No pressure on the lad, then.
Supporters of Torquay and Kettering must be thoroughly sick of the words 'brave' and 'plucky' after the non-leaguers respectively pushed Coventry and Fulham all the way. The Poppies tie had particular resonance for me having covered their game with Charlton the last time they reached the fourth round in 1989 (yes, I know I don't look that old. Ahem).
In an attempt to make myself feel even younger, I'm off to Shepherd's Bush Empire to see the Buzzcocks on Friday. I interviewed guitarist Steve Diggle last year for a punk piece on the BBC news site, and he brilliantly dismissed today's bands as "Blue Peter presenters with guitars".
I'll also be looking to complete a Stuart Pearce hat-trick after spotting the England under-21 boss pogoing at recent gigs by The Pogues and The Stranglers. More on that next week.
But I digress. Liverpool and Everton fought out another 1-1 draw to put a new spin on the chant 'Can we play you every week?', while Manchester United edged out Tottenham.
Harry Redknapp dealt with the Cup exit and the close shave at Burnley by indulging in a spot of retail therapy to reunite Pascal Chimbonda with his old mucker Jermain Defoe. Who's next? Glenn Hoddle? Jimmy Greaves? Sol Campbell? OK, maybe that last one's a bit far-fetched.
The draw for the fifth round was about as absorbing as a Katie Price novel, aside from the Watford-Chelsea clash which pitted Frank Lampard against his dad. Not quite Kramer vs Kramer, granted, but if Frank Jr does get one over on the old man he might be looking for a new babysitter for a while.
Down at my club, joint-owner Flavio Briatore was tenuously linked with a switch to Torino on an Italian website, a claim which appeared to have little substance.
Thankfully the QPR Report website moved quickly to set the record straight with this impeccable Anglo-Italian translation....
'Meanwhile, following rumors published yesterday by the journal, Flavio Briatore has strongly denied being interested in Toro paired with Antonio Giraudo, former managing director of Juventus fan grenade known but for the time being enough work in Renault and the Queen's Park Rangers. We now expect the position taken by the Farinetti: whose biography just out in the library is titled, I miss it on purpose'. That's cleared that up, then.
Romance of the week involved Declan 'Ant 'n' Dec' Donnelly and Sky Sports presenter Georgie Thompson. She must have been delighted with the colleagues who spiked her autocue with a string of suggestive references when the news leaked out, capped by this fine line in a Norwich feature...'It's all hands on deck'.
And finally, the tale of the week concerned non-league Bishop Auckland. The north-east side, saddened to hear about the death of legendary player and Olympian Tommy Farrer, marked the occasion with a minute's silence, plus tributes in the programme and local paper.
Club chairman Terry Jackson phoned Mr Farrer's wife, Gladys, to pass on his condolences, so imagine his surprise when she told him he could tell Tommy himself, adding: "He'll be back in a minute, he's just popped out to get a paper."
Luckily Tommy, 86, saw the funny side, saying: "I think it's quite nice. There's not too many people who get to know what sort of tribute they'll receive."
Actually, the real story of the week was of course Tucker Jenkins's spectacular fall from grace on Dancing On Ice. You know what's coming next - my girlfriend made me watch it...honest.
OTHER STUFF
Spanish Third Division side Granada protest over wages
Fernando Torres advertises his mate's hairdressing salon
Name the Football League clubs game
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~29~RS~)
Comments
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The comment about the camera angles at the Pompey v Swansea game reminded me of ITV's live coverage of Histon v Leeds in an earlier round, the weather was poor and most of their cameras either had rain on the lenses or were steamed up making it very difficult to watch and gave the impression they'd just employed some bloke with a camcorder to do the filming, obviously the amount ITV paid to secure the rights meant there was no money left to pay for a cloth!!!
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david beckham decided to tell kaka to stay at milan because he felt kaka shouldnt give up playing with quality players to chase money.
oh the irony!!
city have got all this money and it is up to them how they want to spend it. if they want to pay someone £500,000 a week, let them. if i wanted to spend all my money on sex drugs and rock-n-roll, who (except maybe my mummy) can tell me not to!
on tottenham, oh how i would have loved them to have gone out to burnley (who are a very good footballing team) having held a 3 goal advantage. but alas, the footballing gods were not smiling on burnley that day. maybe next year!!
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Love the poor translation, if you read it to yourself in a comedy Beckham-lilt it doubles the effect too!
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Lovely!by the way is this all you do Senor Charles?you pop in one a week,nick all the info and puns from the dailies and then 'write'your article and get paid!Who do i have to give a concrete overcoat to to get your job?
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You seem to have taken a more professional approach to the weeks events, and left out a lot of your usual wit. Still an interesting blog, but didnt seem to flow quite as smoothly as your usual pieces. I like those 'Get your coat' moments, the hillareously cheesy one liners. Though i suppose a lot of people do give you stick for these, so i dont find it completely suprising that you have matured the feel of the writing.
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4. redandblackT1899 - sadly it's not all I have to do! My particular favourite is Quotes of the Week - always love picking my way through 500-plus emails from the readers trying to whittle them down to 30-odd.
But I can hardly complain - certainly beats my first job where I was paid £1.10 an hour to wash dishes and scrub floors at a dodgy hotel. By the way, R&B, what do you do?
5. BCChris - yep, think I overdid it on the puns last week so I've probably subconsciously reined myself in. Rest assured, I'll be sprinkling a few in next week - you have been warned!
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Good blog, love the OTHER STUFF, what's Torres doing in that advert, he's had awful hair in the past!!
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"blue peter presenters with guitars"...
about the best line I've read all week!
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Any football article that fits in that sublime photo of Mr Brent in instantly gets 10/10 from me! Will keep me laughing until 5pm!
ITV FA cup coverage is by all accounts rubbish. Hopefully the BBC can get it back.
Good blog Chris.
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i was also laughing at the ITV cameras, whats the real reason? why didn't they have the proper cameras?
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"respected scribes like Patrick Collins, who opined in his column for the Mail"
Eh?
When will journalists learn that the British public don't respect any of the sports journalists? The fact that you "respect" each other means nothing more than how dogs usually greet oneanother.
Plus, he writes for the Mail!?! So, how could he ask for any respect at all?
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ITV are surely the worst broadcasters in the Western world. I could not believe the amateurish coverage of the Portsmouth v Swansea game, or in the last round, the biggest shock of the day (Man. City V Forest) only got 90 seconds coverage in their highlights programme.
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Not seen any of your blogs before but thoroughly enjoyed this. Something about dry humourand the understated comment that is so good - anyone know if this type of humour is unique to us Brits ? - (that's an open question btw !!)
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By the way, R&B, what do you do?
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No-one's ever called me RnB before.I'm feeling really close to you right now Chris Charles!I work in a mortgage firm and before you come up with a snappy reply I'm not the cause of the global recession(That's how i sleep at night)
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Chris, the Torres barber shop ad was classic good fun, and they seemed so proud of their ad. Cheers.
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Good blog, but with the mention of the Dec story - why put a picture of Dec up there with his mouth open when we could have a had a pic of Georgie Thompson! You buffoon! Sky have all the picture rights I spose....
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hey chris, back again :) made me smile and it turns out theres a new kid on the block sticking the boot in. garry cook is a clown. i mean accusing a.c milan of acting without morality????? pot, kettle, black. his journey interview had me in stitches lol. cya next week. im being swayed.......
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btw the jewel in itv's sports coverage crown has to be the commentary of david pleat. that man should have his own quotes section devoted to him. yossi benanoon lol. hilarious
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On the subject of the ITV highlights, the 3rd round programme rather shamefully broadcast highlights of postponed matches before showing the Millwall highlights....
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Us R's are in a position to put the boot in. Were rich but its not like were getting to big for our boots. City think they can run before they walk. Not even the other horrible blue lot bought massive players with big wages and ego's when they first came into the money. Having a couple of "huge" world stars brought in with a team full of lesser players will alwas cause unrest.
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13. harlech52: Glad you approve! I think we're all just a bunch of harmless eccentrics really. Andy Roddick's reply to a comment about his attitude made by a British journalist at the Australian Open said it all -"Noncombustible? I love you English dudes."
14. R&B (or perhaps you prefer RAB)? Blimey, I'd better keep you on side if you're in the mortgage business. If the Beeb decide to give me the old heave-ho I might be seeking your advice!
16. redreach26: Now come on, do you think I hadn't thought of that? Sadly none of the picture agencies we use had a photo of the charming Ms Thompson that was covered by our contract. So Dec it was - and even that had to be cropped from a picture of him next to Ant (couldn't find any of him on his own)!
17. Welcome back, anfieldsean. See you're less bristly this time - I'll give it a couple of weeks! Seriously, enjoyed the banter last time - hope it's not interfering with your studies young man!
20. BombasticBinlargen. URRRRRSSSS!!!! Two great away wins on the bounce. If we can keep everyone fit then (whisper it quietly) I reckon we might have a chance of sneaking into the play-offs. Cardiff at Wembley? Bring it on!
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Those complaining about the coverage of ITV now know why everyone who has had the misfortune of watching their FL highlights is glad it went to the Beeb.
A pre-determined schedule is not the way to do a highlights show - the BBC learnt this about 10 years ago & give all games theoretically the same opportunity to be the lead game (yes I know if nothing spectacular happens, which despite Scudamore's protests otherwise, sometimes is the case, the top 4 will all be on 1st in various running orders).
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Chris i never knew you had any involvement with the Quotes of the week! Thats easily one of the best features on this site. Quotes of the year was a royal laugh. The best quote i ever heard though was from the late Brian Cluff, something along the lines of 'If a player and myself have a dissagreement, we will sit down and talk about it like adults, untill we both decide that i'm right'.
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harlech52, i'm south african and my mates and i always enjoy british dry humour, if that answers your question
great blog chris, particularly enjoyed the sol campbell comment. it seems harry could even be tempted to bring back darren anderton and jurgen klinsmann while he's at it!! anyone who's ever been associated with spurs is a transfer target.
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that bishop auckland story has me in stitches, i can just imagine his wife taking that call. Genius!!!
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great blog as always chris, as an nufc i am understandably very worried at the moment, what is the opinion of yourself and your colleagues on joe kinnear?do you think,like me,that we are in serious danger of going down this year?
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23 BCChris
You never noticed it says by Chris Charles right at the top?
I can only dream of such a job
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A slight but pointed dig at David Beckaham due to his 'accent' in an Italian tv interview.
For any person never experiencing life in a foreign country and dealing with talking to people who have accented English as a second language it can seem hilarious.
However it is a natural function of speaking to pick up nuances which, of course, are not noticed by those around you. All English nationals who have tried living and working abroad, and more importantly immersed themselves in the culture, have had to deal with coming home to England and 'speaking funny'.
It's a shame that a serious reporter can take jibes at this as it is more important to accept that David has the guts and courage to travel and put himself in the frame.
Oh for more English people who believe that shouting in English when abroad is not accetable and will take the risk to try to learn a foreign language.
Also remember that as foreigners we seem to get by as they all seem to speak our language, albeit with a funny accent.
Try it yourself sometime and enjoy the experience of learning and then deal with those that want to deride you.
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