First of all, I should throw my hat into the ring and explain that I do not mind who is Christmas No.1. The concept of a festive chart-topper being an icon of a golden age, a holy institution that needs protecting from the dead hand of commerce is not one I can ever remember happening. It has always been dominated by the biggest forces in popular music - because it's the No.1 selling single for that week, duh! - and a target for cheap cash-ins and novelty nonsense.

Just because the biggest force in popular music used to be the performers, and it's now the TV execs who make the show that finds the performer is neither here nor there, nothing has actually changed, and therefore nothing is likely to change 'back' to how it was before. It wasn't like that before, so how could it?

And the hallowed Christmas No.1 only works as an embodiment of the spirit of Christmas because Christmas itself does contain a lot of excitement about stuff which, if you look at it with a vinegary eye, is just disposable and shiny, much like pop music itself. It's a perfect fit.

It strikes me that there is a nasty streak of snobbery to the Rage Against The Machine campaign, because essentially the people behind it not only don't approve of the song the X Factor has made - before they have even heard it, which is always lovely - but they don't like the people who DO like it. They think these people are easily-led. They may use words like "sheep" or "masses" or "plebs" or "chavs", and they believe themselves to be above such obvious mind-control.

Then, in order to prove that this is the case, they have decided to try and convince other people - people who are clearly not "sheep" - to all gang together and buy a song which is very old, and which they probably already own, not because they like the song - it's a good song, let's make that plain - but because this will teach everyone a lesson. And indeed it has.

What it teaches us is that the best way to discredit institutions that you do not approve of is not some idle protest, but to work harder and replace them with something better. It teaches us that we should not be wallowing in revolutionary rhetoric from the past - especially not revolutionary rhetoric which comes from the same enormous entertainment corporation as Simon Cowell - when we could be enjoying the benefits of the present.

By which I mean: Why is Mumford and Sons not in the Top 5? Hmm?

Most of all, it teaches us that you cannot fight fire with fire. If you wish to be free of manipulative pop music, you should not seek to manipulate people.

A friend of mine on Twitter recently suggested a far more worthy Christmas campaign where people agree to go out and buy (or stay in and download) any single they like, provided that a) they like it and do not already own it, and b) that's it. The idea being that if you are going to make a gesture of support, you do it for something with which you genuinely feel an affinity, rather than trying to back a winner.

And that's really what makes the chart - the everyday, run of the mill, non-Christmas chart - an exciting place to be, because it's a snapshot of public taste. People like songs and they buy songs, that's it. Anyone trying to mess with that - even in as light-hearted a way as Chartjackers did - shows a basic contempt for the chart which can come across as contempt for music, or worse, for the public at large.

In a year where more singles were sold than ANY OTHER YEAR EVER, the chart takes a more central role in our cultural life than ever before, and it is worth far more than these silly stunts would suggest. It's about celebrating what we're doing, not trying to destroy it.

So, let the X Factor winner have their moment, it won't last, nor will the show. At some point we will all move on to something else, just like we always do. Maybe Lady GaGa will save us all. But if she does, it will be because her songs make more people want to buy them than those of other singers.

That's your real golden age, right there...

I'm a bit of a sucker for songs which essentially say "hey you, are you down in the dumps? Life not treating you well? Oh dear. I expect I could do a thing or two to help you out, if you like, cos you're a smasher, you really are".

There have been a few down the years - 'You've Got A Friend', 'Everybody Hurts', 'Lean On Me', probably one by Travis - all saying roughly the same thing, and they always cut through and cause involuntary swelling in the chestal region, a moistening of the eyeward area, and a tightening of the throatal membranes. It's like an allergic reaction or something.

Christmas is, of course, a perfect time to release another one.

Listen to that chorus, eh? Talay, I barely know you, but I really FEEL that you would BE THERE for me, if the RAIN STARTS TO FA...er..I mean...if I was having a rough time of things. You are clearly a very big-hearted fella, and not adverse to pulling your weight if the people you love needed it.

Now, the only problem is, I'm not sure if I can 100% rely on your support if the choruses are full of friendship and love and support for me the listener, but the verses are a big long list of why Chipmunk is brilliant at rapping and probably going to be the best in the world for the rest of time.

I mean, if the thing that was upsetting me was to do with self-confidence, and maybe I was worried that I wouldn't amount to much in life, what with this crippling lack of charisma and poor sense of fashion, having Chippy point out that I'm nowhere near as talented/amazing/rich as he is might not help.

So, what sort of a song IS this? Is Talay offering to support Chipmunk, should he ever have moments of doubt and uncertainty, so that he can go on to become even more amazing? Should we even be listening to this moment of (*cough*) rad bromance?

Well obviously yes we should, Chippy demands it. And what Chippy wants...Santa delivers.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 28th
www.iamchipmunk.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

PS: Brilliant lyrical moment occurs when Chipmunk, in order to force a rhyme with "ask what's up like you can't see me", says "I just do what needs be".

Let's take a moment to enjoy that together, shall we? "I just do what needs be". Astonishing.

*long moment of appreciation*

I mean, "needs be" what? Doing? Is it "I just do what needs be doing"? Is that what he's saying? How can you fail to love a line like that? You can't, that's how.

One of the most reassuring things about a new Shakira song is that she's reliably eccentric when it comes to her lyrics. We've all got our favourite examples, haven't we? And while 'Did It Again' is admittedly no 'She Wolf' (the line "darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy" is one of my pop highlights of the year), it's good to see that even when tackling more conventional subjects like no-good men, Shakira still makes an effort to approach the whole subject a bit differently.

Or at least, I assume it's an effort. It might just be what she is like...

The first verse in particular paints a really clear picture, taking the time to create a sense of tension that's almost like a rapid heartbeat or a load of anxious, disjointed emotions ("first floor, room 16. Smells like danger, even better") and that's matched conveniently enough in Shakira's delivery, which is breathy and nervous while still maintaining hints of her trademark yodel.

From there it all erupts into an overexcited stream of thoughts delivered in a scattergun jibber, shooting out so rapidly that we barely even get a chance to register them - which fits perfectly with the atmosphere and intensity she built up in the previous section. Very clever, Shaky, very clever indeed.

Obviously the effectiveness of this is going to be limited if there isn't a good chorus to hang it all on, but fortunately she's has come up trumps there too - the refrain of "did it again, love, I got it all wrong" is equal parts mournful and remorseful, and actually has a vulnerability in it that probably won't surprise anyone who remembers 'Underneath Your Clothes'. In short, it's all very affecting.

It all goes a bit weird about halfway through when it unexpectedly turns into a blatant rehash of Whitney Houston's 'It's Not Right, But It's OK' for a short while, but hey, I did say I admired Shakira for her unpredictability, and not all of her surprise turns can be good ideas. But 30 seconds' worth of wrong turn in an otherwise finely-crafted three-and-a-half minutes is still a good deal by my reckoning.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 14th
www.shakira.com
BBC Music page

(Steve Perkins)

Of all the trends to hit the 2009 music world, the one I'll be gladdest to see the back of - gladder than even autotune, which is saying EVERYTHING - is that thing of using a certain word as the hook for your club banger - the female dog one - and then replacing it with "girl" so that your song can get played on the radio/TV.

*looks pointedly at Akon/David Guetta*

I think part of the problem, made worse with this song, is that changing the word makes it abundantly clear who you were talking to in the first place. We all know that people throw that word around as a general term of abuse nowadays, and rappers have been claiming it as a cross-gender swear word for 20 years or more. It's still largely a cuss for the girls, but boys do get called it as well, and there's a bit of a swagger to it which, if kept away from slagging off all women, is kinda fun.

But, if you have a song which has for a central hook a man ranting "I'm in Miami" and then the b-word, everything is fine so long as we all believe that he means 'person who is less worthy than me' rather than 'girl'. The very WORST thing you could do is to make a radio-friendly version of the song, taking the b-bomb out and putting "girl" in instead, cos then you're PROVING that your intention was to cuss out the ladies all along.

And as we all know, cussing out the ladies is a bad idea because a) it's ungentlemanly, and b) THEY WILL KILL YOU.

Other than that, this is all good fun.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.djchuckie.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

"Fraser," said the nice friendly PR person, "y'know how you did that interview with Basshunter and you got on OK with him?"

"Er, yes", said the astonishing and charismatic blogger, slightly warily.

"Well, you should really check out this great new single from Bandito, cos it's like a junior version of Basshunter..."

That's right, you read it here first. A junior version of Basshunter. Basshunter for even YOUNGER people than the people who currently enjoy his work. The kind of Basshunter whose songs are uncluttered by adult concerns and difficult-to-pronounce long words. The kind of Basshunter who maybe spells out some of the words in his song, so that his audience doesn't get all confused and have to have a bit of a sit down with a biscuit and a cup of squash.

You've heard of teenagers, you've heard of tweenagers, you've even heard of ten-agers, well keep going until you hit nappy, and you're nearly there.

It's all here, the Vengaboys synth-refrain, the Lazytown chorus, the In The Night Garden bouncy-bouncy beat. For all that Bandy sings about going to a disco, you just KNOW he means the end-of-term one at the pre-school, where the play leaders are dressed as Big Cook Little Cook, and Squiglet and Peppa Pig. It's not that club Usher goes to when he's feeling frisky, that's for def.

And this isn't some kind of awful blogger superiority complex talking either. Some of the best pop music ever made has been infantile and barely literate, just as Lady GaGa if you don't believe me. But it's kind of telling that I'm constantly surprised that he manages to spell disco correctly on every attempt.

Note to friendly PR people: If you ever use the phrase 'junior Bandito' and mean it, the world will surely end.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.banditomusic.com
See Bandito on the 5:19 Show

(Fraser McAlpine)

Am I the only person who is slightly unnerved by really talented children? Surely not. There's just something about the way prodigious talent manifests itself at a young age which is at one and the same time impressive, but also...how can I put this?..somehow AGAINST THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY AS WE KNOW AND UNDERSTAND IT.

Child actors can get away with it better than child mathematicians, because even non-prodigious kids do like to pretend to be other people. Child singers, on the other hand, are more unsettling than either, especially if they're REALLY good, cos the voice normally takes a while to develop and the ability to hold a tune is among the last of your vocal qualities to arrive.

Also, most music demands an understanding of things which are not normally within a child's frame of reference - intense longing (and not just for sweets), passion, loss, fury, betrayal - so even if you can hit the notes, selling the emotion of the song is another thing entirely.

So, the more I find out about Pixie Lott, how she's been performing since the age of five, how she's had a record deal since she was 15, the more her vocal achievements start to give me the shivers.

I mean, just LISTEN to that voice. Listen to the weary tone and mature delivery. Listen to the lyrics, in which she points the finger at some rubbish ex, in a series of immaculately-balanced lines:

"I got your email, you just don't get females, now do you?"

It's not the first time those two words have been used in a rhyme, but it's still pretty great as an opening salvo, innit?

Now, at 18 Pixie is by no means the youngest person ever to bellow into a microphone for a living. And believe you me, next year is going to be a regular baby boom for pop stars who can't get served in pubs, if the BBC's Sound of 2010 poll is anything to go by. Buuut, there's a world of difference between Daisy Dares You brattily jumping about while bellowing a song from Oliver! as if covered by Avril Lavigne, and a mature, '50s-style grown-up's ballad like this.

I guess what I'm saying is that while I like this a lot, I have to try really hard to forget who is singing it while I'm listening. A problem which never came up with 'Boys and Girls', it's fair to say.

Download: Out now
CD Released: November 30th
www.pixielott.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Grief makes people do funny things. Grieving in the public eye is even worse, because no matter how you choose to handle it, there will always be someone writing some snarky column somewhere about how undignified you are. They will probably trot out some variation on the phrases "is that what [person who died] would want?" or "barely in his/her grave", or even throw the word "spinning" in there, just to really stick the boot in.

In the case of Janet Jackson and her brother Michael, there's even less chance of telling right from wrong, because everything is viewed through the prism of massive celebrity and a voracious entertainment industry which is more than willing to turn a tragedy into a business opportunity.

Or, to put it into simple terms: "Hey, everyone, Janet Jackson has a new greatest hits CD out! And she's done a new song! A song which refers to Michael a bit! Come see!"

So, let's just say this and move on: This is a good song. There is one jaw-dropping moment, but possibly not for the right reasons. While Janet spends much of her time dodging the breezeblock funk and cooing her man into action - in a cleverly coded way so we're never entirely sure if she wants a smooch or a dance, or both, there's a bit when she appears to pay tribute to one of her brother Michael's songs, and I'm using the word 'tribute' because nothing else quite fits. The line in question is:

"Don't stop 'till you get it up"

You can see what she's driving at, right? 'Don't Stop Till You Get Enough' was fine for the '70s, when pop stars were a lot more coy, but ever since Madonna and Christina and Britney and Lady GaGa and hip hop and what-have-you, some double-entendres need fully spelling out.

Not all of them, of course, because that would be gross, but maybe a few here and there. And where better to start than with one of Michael's old song titles - as a tribute, remember - and what better time than now?

And actually, she could be on to something here. Making Michael's song lyrics more sexually direct could be The Future, especially if they're welded into a state-of-the-art discotronic velvet fug like this. Picture a world where Janet's NEXT greatest hits is riddled with songs called 'Wanna Be Starting Humping' or 'The Way You Make Me Feel You' or even 'Willy Jean'*, all delivered in that trademark honeyed purr and boasting astonishing production. What a amazing place that would be.

Still, it is not our place to judge. We're not judging Jermaine for doing Move Like Michael Jackson and we're not judging Janet now. Grief makes people do funny things, and sometimes the best you can do is hang around and help to clear up the mess afterwards.

Or, to put it into simple terms: "Isn't it great to have Janet back?"

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.janetjackson.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

* I am so, so sorry.

If there's two things you might deduce from looking at my past reviews, it's that a) although I like to think I have a fairly diverse music taste, if I'm reviewing an emo/electro tune I'll probably end up liking it and b) I always manage to make the opening paragraph about me.

Well, ENOUGH'S ENOUGH! NO MORE! Things around here are going to change and I will not pander to this format I have created for myself any longer, I tell you!

*Looks at what I have written for the opening paragraph*

Ahhh, crap! Okay, it may be too late for b), but it's certainly not to late to change a)... is it?

With the success of their last single, 'Don't Trust Me' and the very fact that Katy Perry features on this song, expectations are understandably high. But does this song live up to them? Errr... probably not, unless you like your songs to be REALLY QUITE ANNOYING.

You see, 'Don't Trust Me' was a cheeky electro/pop song - it had a catchy chorus, it was fun and it sort of stuck out on the radio. 'Starstrukk', on the other hand, does none of those things. It's a rowdy laddy song with a hard edge that has very little likable about it (other than Miss Perry's little face in the video of course).

First up there's those incessant wolf-whistles. It's not big, it's just bad and means the song owes more to a construction site than Benny Benassi's 'Satisfaction'. Then there's the lyrics: "I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out". Like, seriously, what does that even mean? I dread to think.

It's quite forgettable too, and for a fairly average length song, it sure feels like it goes on a lot longer. HOWEVER! It's not all bad news, K-Per's involvement brings an element of glamour to the song, more so than the Katy-less original, and her low vocal tone makes her an interesting, distinctive choice of artist to collaborate with.

Basically, a song like this was never going to sit quietly in the background and for that I kinda respect it, ya know? It's not afraid to be loud and obnoxious. It's not afraid to make a statement. And it's certainly not afraid of the big bad wolf whistles.

None of this means I like it any more than I did at the start though.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 14th
www.3oh3music.com
BBC Music page

(Vicki Lutas)

If the anti-PC brigade were correct, and there was actually such a thing as 'winterval' - there isn't, but don't let that spoil the spluttering - this would make an amazing Christmas carol equivalent. It's quietly optimistic, pleased without being smug, melancholy but uplifting. It is sure of itself, but only because all the lessons learned have been hard-won, and generally reflective of times gone by.

It's also in waltz time*, a bit like 'Away In A Manger', and lends itself well to massed harmonies, just like 'Silent Night'. And it's less sweary than 'Fairytale Of New York' while still being authentic real music, played by real musicians in a real band, so the kiddie rocksnobs will be pleased.

Because what IS the winter solstice/Christmas/Frostyment all about if it's not a reckoning of the year's successes and failures, and a wish for future happiness to all? Why would we all feel the need to gather together and hand over gifts and hug and send positive thoughts around the world, if we weren't feeling olde-worlde romanticke at the turning of the year, and ready to flick over a new leaf in the future?

The Mumfs know this. They also know the best Christmas pop song of all time is not Mariah's (although that is a doozy), or Slade's (ditto), or even 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town' (TWO doozies. An uberdoozy, if you like), it's 'Stop The Cavalry' by Jona Lewie. A song which managed to nail the euphoria and the sadness of this time of year with only a fistful of sleighbells, a passing mention of Christmas, and nothing at all about mistletoe or wine.

They might have taken it all a stage further - no Christmas, no sleighbells, probably no intention of writing a festive song at all - but they're demonstrating the crucial truth of the matter, which is that songs that speak about common emotions that we've all had, but don't really like to talk about, are much more potent than songs about common things that we all do, and we all know that we all do them.

So even if Christmas does end up being called winterval, or festivement, or SyCo's Gift Factormas, some things are too important to change.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.mumfordandsons.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

* Yesyesyes....technically 'Away In A Manger' is in 3/4 and 'Winter Winds' is in 6/8, but it's close enough for dancing.

I would hate to work in a CD shop right now. Every day, you'd be putting amazing new music out on the shelves, enjoying the fact that your passion and your paypacket come from the same place, and not even really minding that it's Christmas time and therefore the queues start to snake all across the shop before you've even had your morning tea break.

But over there in the corner, where the CD singles sit, mournfully, in between one massive wall of Wii and X-Box games, and another massive wall of DVDs, there's bound to be a snickering bunch of kids, sometimes all boys, sometimes a young couple, sometimes two girls with a haughty demeanour. They've spotted something, and it's making them point and giggle....

"Look! Look! 'Alicia Keys Doesn't Mean Anything'...HA! She DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, yeah?"

It is at this point that you count your blessings that you don't live in America, cos otherwise the high-fiving might well send you over the edge...

It's an especially ironical moment, because this is a song in which Alicia is definitely trying to mean something quite important. You might think she's just singing a silly old love song about feelings and stuff, but really she's sending an important message to anyone who thinks money will buy you happiness. It won't.

(Unless of course you mean the film Happiness, starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. Money will definitely buy you that. It's in the 'Cult DVD' section, to your right, just past the Wii Fit boards, and around the giggling teenagers.)

'Doesn't Mean Anything' is one of those circular, four-chord-trick sort of songs, where you start quietly and build, and the chorus is the verse only different, and the longer the song goes on, the more voices there are. This gives it an anthemic structure, in that it sounds like A Mighty Nation would eventually Rise Up and All Sing As One, if the music could just keep going for another hour or so.

I'm not sure if it's entirely convincing, mind. It seems weird that we're expected to gather together and unite on a song which basically says sorry for acting like 50 Cent. Some of us already knew that viewing the world through cash-tinted spectacles is not a nice way to behave.

Plus, there is that uncomfortable moment where you think about people who really do live "out on the street", sometimes through no fault of their own, and have neither love nor anything much to give up for love.

Maybe the snickering teens had it right after all. Too much meaning can be a dangerous thing.

Download: Out now
CD Released: November 30th
www.aliciakeys.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Finding the right choice for your second hit single is a tough nut to crack. Often, after reasonable chart success from their first release, many artists unleash their second into the public domain claiming... 'This really is my type of music. If you like this, you'll love the album'. These so called 'artists' usually disappear from the chart radar within weeks, destined to play the rest of their lives in pub basements, with 30 fans paying 3 quid entry to hear their one-hit, and wonder what happened. It's a pet peeve of mine: Pretentious 'artists' using one commercially successful song to pave the way for utter musical slobber. Wait for it Robbie fans, the verdict's coming...

Yes. Of course Robbie 'megastar' Williams is in a different league. Sure, he's been experimental at times (that tracksuit in 'Rudebox'), and been guilty of 'making his type of music', ignoring his fans. BUT as second-single-into-a-big-comeback releases go, this is actually as perfect a choice as he could have made.

Classic Robbie is back at exactly the time his followers would want him to be. At some point during his break he must have had an epiphany... 'If I make music similar to my old popular stuff, my fans will probably buy it'... and it only took him 2 years to figure it out!

The track doesn't break new grounds. The melody is simple and the structure predictable, even down to the final chorus when the backing stops, giving the audience the chance to clap along, but it's got that love-rules-all, feel good factor which makes all the women fall for him, and a decent percentage of the men too. He puts on his crooner voice, mixes it with some lovey-dovey lyrics, adds a string orchestra, a friendly 50's doo-wop backing and Bob's your uncle; he's got himself a winner*.

It's also one of those tracks that give him ample opportunities to make that weird nodding grimace grin thing he puts on while on stage. You know: the one where he looks like he's about to cry... like he's saying 'This is life's perfect moment and I'm sharing it with you.' The crowd love a bit of that cheese.

Nice work Rob, now please don't fail me with the third release.

Download: December 7th
CD Released: December 7th
www.robbiewilliams.com
BBC Music page

*Note: He doesn't actually become your uncle, it's just an expression.

(Grant Black)

Look at this picture. See matey at the front there? See his snarky expression? That's the pop punk face. That facial arrangement alone, right there, defines how the band sound. If you didn't know what kind of band All Time Low were, and the name wasn't already a pretty huge clue, this picture would be all anyone would ever need to work it out.

That's not a criticism, by the way, everyone does it. Metal bands do that "GAAAHHH! SATAN HAS NAILED MY FOOT TO A MIGHTY HEDGEHOG!" face, girlbands suck imaginary lollipops, rappers furrow their brows like they're trying to work out the square root of mulligatawny soup, indie bands stare blearily as if they've been up all night finishing a history essay and pop punk bands pull that kind of quizzical half-sneer.

It's like a trademark or something. It says: "dude, chillax! I'm, like, ironic and junk? Even the stuff I care about, I DON'T care about, yeah?"

It's up to you to decide whether you care about that or not.

Now, as ATL are a pop punk band, you can't apply the normal rules of critical thought to their work. They are not here to break new sonic ground. They do not exist to say things that you have never heard before. They are all about the FUN and the PARTYING and the GIRLS, and the GIRLS and the PARTYING and the FUN.

So, if I was to mention the enormous list of songs which this owes its existence to, it'd be missing the point. There's only a tiny gene pool of anthemic sugary rock riffs, only so many bubblegum choruses. 'Buddy Holly' or 'Stacey's Mom' or 'Girl All The Bad Boys Want' may have been released first, but 'Damned If I Do Ya' is only taking on that fine frat-pop tradition and keeping it alive. It's the refreshed plastic beaker of unspeakable punch at the house party, rather than the fine wine at the swanky restaurant. Some formulas do not require tinkering.

There is, in case you are wondering, a 'music reviewer face', you should see it. It's kind of like...well...actually, best if you don't.

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.myspace.com/alltimelow
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

So, the smoke's clearing and the noise is dying down. Lily's walked away from the internet, refuses to interact with the people who were calling her names, or indeed anyone who isn't right in front of her face or on her phone, and has claimed she's giving up music too.

Personally, I don't care if she never looks at Twitter ever again, but if she's serious about the music thing, that's awful. Cos no matter what you may think about the things she says about the hot topics of the day, as a living, breathing, songwriting, singing, sentient Pop Star, Lily Allen is pretty hard to beat.

We need more of her kind, not less, and frankly, Kate Nash and Pixie Lott aren't quite up to par.

This is the song which Lily had written and sung and finished and THEN suddenly realised she'd nicked the chorus off 'Shine' by Take That. So off she went to ask Mark Owen if he would like her to pay royalties, and he very kindly said no.

It's nice that he did, because this really doesn't have anything to do with the That's most chipper of knees-upses. It's a whisper-soft, doubtful, hopeful, fragile little thing, where all the evidence that Lily's fella is really into her is laid out for all to see, next to her fears that maybe something isn't quite taking off in the way that it should.

The verses are quiet and timid, vulnerable little Lily explaining that she's been reading a lot into your every little thought and gesture and maybe, hopefully, it might mean that you, y'know, like having her around?

Then there's the chorus, which blossoms up, chasing that delicious dream as far as it will go, a very glass-half-full-and-getting-fuller kind of thing.

It's not often that pop music gets to explore the fizzy excitement of the honeymoon period without getting all sexually pneumatic about things. This captures the glow, the grin and the shyness in a ridiculously cute, tummy-turny-overy sort of a way, and should serve as a reminder that a pop world without Lily Allen is a pretty rubbish place to live.

So, y'know, in your face, Twitterbullies...

Download: Out now
CD Released: December 7th
www.lilyallenmusic.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Now that the public have been allowed to vote on whether they think SuBo is here to stay or not, using their actual money (and let's be clear here, LOTS of it), we've decided to bring in a fresh judging panel, taken from industry experts, to cast their view of her first musical efforts in a proper Britain's Got Strict Factor style. This is the very last thing she will expect.

Now, it would be entirely wrong to suggest that the industry we have pulled our panel from is anything to do with music, but they are, in their own way, all experts. Simon Cowell is going to be QUAKING in his BOOTS, I tell you.

"This Susan Boyle malarky is a bit of a joke isn't it? Don't get me wrong, gorgeous voice, but I think we all know the real reason she's famous... and because of this, I can't bring myself to take the whole thing seriously." - Vicki

"Beautiful and moving. Knowing Susan's back story gives the song a completely different meaning. Finally - a cover worth releasing. Gives younger reality wannabes a thorough reality check." - Barbs

"It reminds me of funerals" - Amanda

"Okay, I have just read your opening statement, Vicki. I have made my feelings clear, now please respect them" - Barbs, again.

"IT SOUNDS LIKE "POWER OF LOVE" BY JENNIFER RUSH (WHICH IS, INCIDENTALLY, THE SONG THAT WAS NUMBER ONE ON THE DAY I WAS BORN - *FACT*)" - Geggs

"Let's just say... the only reason I'm going to read this review is because I'm now in it" - Grant

"Can you change my line from 'beautiful and moving' to 'beautiful and genuinely affecting?" - Barbs. Yes, the same one.

"I haven't heard it." - Megan, an American.

"A haunting, evocative journey that demonstrates the sheer power of her voice and exhibits a newly acquired control through subtle but perfectly pitched tones and nuances. An acceptable and almost credible re-versioning of the original. I can't wait for the dubstep remix." - Christopher

"I think ballads are unnecessary as a concept." - Beth

"Have you changed it yet?" - Barbs. AGAIN.

So there you have it: Subo divides the nation again. As for me? Well, personally I think the perfect cover of this song, the one which Subes is channelling a wee bit here, is by the Sundays. But there's plenty of room for anyone who can sing like this.

Oh wait...that's not very judgey, is it? Quick, have some marks!

Download: Out now

www.susanboylemusic.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine, from an original idea by Vicki Lutas)
(Interviews conducted by Vicki Lutas)

Poor poor Jonas. He's only just found out his new girlfriend has been taken to hospital after what must have been some type of horrific accident [in his new music vid - see his old music vid for details] . He can't believe it. After all his fooling around with countless women, he thought he'd turned a corner, he thought he'd finally found the woman he wants to spend the rest of life with, but now his new love may not be around to experience it with him... He promised himself, he promised he'd wait for her. As he rushes to the hospital a solitary tear begins to slowly run down his cheek... and then... THE BASS KICKS IN! DUM DUM DUM, Du Du, DUM DUM DUM.

Sensitive Jonas transforms into the Basshunter with a swift drop of his trademark dance beat, and you know what? I love him for it!

Yes, so everything about this song shouldn't work, and most would argue it doesn't. The song has no sign of a verse, and it sounds like everything else he's done, and I know a song with this sentiment really shouldn't have a sniff of a dance backing, but you can't take the bass away from the Basshunter can you? Otherwise he'd just be Hunter, which is okay for a Gladiator but not a pop star.

What you've got to admire about this track is Jonas really does try to sing, and he kind of pulls it off. Unlike other Basshunter tunes, this doesn't annoy me and will make a half decent Christmas track. I can imagine myself dancing along to it on Christmas Eve, slightly intoxicated, at some random club and feeling quite fulfilled.

I realise as I'm writing this, I'm trying to make the glass half full by eeking out sayings like 'half-decent' and 'it doesn't annoy me'*, but for a Basshunter song I'd call that a success. This isn't exactly the type of song where you analyse its musicality, you either like it or you don't, and I like it.

Download: Out now
CD Released: November 30th
www.basshunter.se
BBC Music page

*It would be awesome if he quoted this on his album cover.

(Grant Black)