Jessie J - 'Do It Like A Dude'
I love facts, me. Some people really like flights of fancy, feats of the imagination, bashing strange ideas against each other to see what pretty colours emerge, but I often find it's reality where the really weird stuff happens.
Take Jessie J, a hotly-topped singstress/songstress from London, who has somehow made a huge splash writing songs over in America, including - and this is the bit I really like, considering the song we're about to discuss - 'Party In The USA' by Miley Cyrus.
That's MILEY CYRUS, as in Hannah Montana, as in Daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, as in the nation's squeakiest cleaniest pop star (albeit one who is attempting to sexificate her image right now).
I can't even imagine a world where the creator of that song and this song are even in a room together, let alone a skull.
(No video. Ruder than rude. But there is a clean acoustic version here, which features some very half-hearted dancing.)
Over a sparse, spidery guitar loop, monolithic bass smears and a drum machine playing little other than ticks and bangs (unlike all of those other drum machines which also dispense cappuccino), Jessie grunts and cusses like a docker who's just trapped his thumb between a gunwhale and a hard place. Her performance is brutal and sexual, like Christina Aguilera squaring up to kick 50 Cent in the goolies.
She's doing this because that is what men do, apparently. They also grab their crotches, bark "hey!" like dogs and wear their hats low over their eyes. There are other things that men do that Jessie describes in this song, but I can't really tell you what they are.
Suffice to say the line that begins "dirdee dirdee dirdee dirdee dirdee dirdee sucker" and ends with a spectacular cuss-bomb, is just about the best thing in the song.
And that, my friends, is another FACT.*
* OK, technically it's a statement of opinion. But if we start getting into the dividing line between things which are empirically true and things which are only strongly believed to be true, we'll be here all day. G'wan, shoo!
Seven Foot Sounds says: "Will she be the next big thing? Let's hope so."
Muu Muse says: "My only question is: Where does one acquire some spiked lip appliques? WANTS/NEEDS."