Diana Vickers - 'The Boy Who Murdered Love'
More death, Diana? REALLY? Honestly, why can't you ever look on the bright side? It's all very well moaning about this fella of yours and how he has killed your amorous feelings forever more, but come on, let's face it, things could be a lot worse.
On a practical level, what if he was The Boy Who Murdered Lunch? That would be awful. You'd be sitting there, all hungry, with your tuna melt in tatters, unable to take so much as a bite. What if he was The Boy Who Munters Love? How could you even get near him, when he's always surrounded by an endless parade of fugly gimmers? I mean that's going to put a dent in your romantic plans, isn't it? Frustrating.
Or worst of all, what if he was The Boy Who Loved Murder? Well that's a very bad thing indeed.
So come on now, chin up. Let's a have a look at the rest of this thing you have made and see if we can't find something to smile about, eh?
(Here's the video. For a cartoony thing, it's disappointingly true-to-life. Where are the massive whacking hammers? The teetering anvil on the wardrobe? The barrel of TNT? Cuh!)
I mean just listen to yourself! Look at you there! You're a pretty, talented girl, with a bright (if slightly hiccupy) voice and a LOT of wiggle in your hips. And clearly you can write a bit. I mean sure, sometimes you're a little unclear in the pronunciation of things, so some of your clever words get a bit lost. I'm not sure if you were intending to sing about a mouse in reverse, but I'm pretty sure you meant Midas.
Don't be downhearted though, it's not like I'm saying you're The Girl Who Murdered Words, that would be overdramatic. I'm just saying there's room for improvement. Constructive criticism, y'see. And on the plus side, well what a lovely chorus you've made. It really is a wondrous thing, because at the beginning it is all jabby and urgent and angry, and at the end it becomes floaty and mournful. That's very good indeed, especially coming after the purring verses. So well done there.
And I've seen you play the trumpet, remember. You've got some skills there, young lady. Does Sophie Ellis Bextor play the trumpet? NO she does not! So how about you go back and have a think about a song you could write which does not mention death by violent means? Something about a sunny day, perhaps? That'd be socially relevant - there's a lot of it about at the moment - and people LOVE sunny days.
*looks out of the window* Oh.
Maybe I'll just leave the creative decisions to you experts after all...
Noise Addiction says: "Typical of Diana's sophisticated and mature approach to pop."
Pop From The Block says: "It's an upbeat pop/rock anthem with amazing verses and an even more amazing chorus."
Music Is My King Size Bed says: "She stands out, in part because of her interesting vocal style and unique phrasing - very Ellie Goulding-esque."