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Mumford vs Boyzone - It's A Waistcoat-Off!

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Fraser McAlpine | 09:56 UK time, Saturday, 27 February 2010

Mumford and Sons

Effiency is everything. There's no point wasting time prattling on about the subtle difference in texture and tone between one song and another in these super-hyper-stimulated, low-attention-span, hyphen-hyphen-hyphen times. That may have been the way they did it in the olden days, but kids today want excitement, and freshness, and the wow factor and they don't want to hang around afterwards asking for a hug, daddio, they are GHOST.

That is why we must condense some things into groups, like the Mumford And Sons and the Boyzone, who are so efficient, they don't even need sleeves on their over-shirt-wear. Sleeves are boring. Sleeves are yesterday's news, man. Sleeves will just slow you down.

The wearing of a waistcoat, however, is both efficient and practical. There are little pockets you can use, to keep your snuffbox or fob-watch in. You can hide a full tummy if the buttons are gaping a bit, and best of all it makes you look older and more distinguished than you really are.

(Here's the video for Mumford's 'The Cave'. It's like Carry On Duran Duran.)

The Mumfs rock a waistcoat because they make olden-daysy music with a modern twist. The vintage wardrobe represents the past, and their fresh young faces represent the future. This is reflected in their music, and 'The Cave' sounds just like their other two hit songs: which suits the elegant hand-tooled craftsmanship thing they're trying to get across. It's the third handmade chair in a dining set.

The 'Zone, on the other hand, are already dignified veterans. They wear the waistcoat because it's the right thing to wear. Granted, it suggests a Benjamin Button existance in which they dress further back into the past, the further into the future they get - knee-breeches by the time they're 70, I'll wager - but they look mature, sensible, discreet. They look like men who've seen a few things and have come to value the quiet life.

Sadly, in 'Gave It Away', their latest single, the thing they have lived long enough to see is the sad death of Stephen Gately, who sings the first verse of this ballad. It's not authentically olden daysy like Mumford, but hearing that high voice from beyond the grave is emphatically more real than a thousand Crimean war jackets.

Plus the video. Oh my days the VIDEO...

(Here's the video. Drat these leaky old eyes.)

Well done everyone. Very efficient. *sobs*

Both songs released: March 1st

(Fraser McAlpine)



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