Mika - 'Rain'
In a world where Jedward exist and thrive, it's increasingly hard to find solid, concrete reasons to object to Mika and his music, beyond the obvious one about cups of tea and who they belong to.
Yes, he looks into the camera as if he's staring at his beautiful face in a mirror which is telling him he is the fairest in all the land. Yes, he's not blessed with range as far as songwriting is concerned, and yes he often sings as if language is not his first language, but you put him next to even the most bland of X Factor contestants and a strange phenomenon occurs. He starts to resemble someone who is a lot more charismatic and talented than he actually is.
(Here's the video. Which seems to have been shot in Florence's back garden.)
Trouble is, there's another star in the firmament who has pretty much cornered the market in interesting and enigmatic - Lady GaGa, who is so good at being in the public eye she could give Madonna lessons - which puts Mika right back where he started, and this song is going to do nothing to change matters.
Even if you've not heard this, you have: It's basically 'Love Today' with the 'flu. It's discoey, campish, nearly flamboyant, wan-tastic...it takes a fairly anaemic thing and drains the life-blood out of it, until you're left with a featherlight, skippy, breathy squib with no real sense of purpose or urgency, performed by a man who is not so much an alien sex being from the planet Charisma as a hyperactive CBeebies presenter with a narcissistic streak.
Hearing this, it makes total sense why 'We Are Golden' had to be as bombastic and Meat Loafy as it was, it's simply because these are songs that would blow away in the draught if they weren't anchored down by breeze blocks.
Someone else's cuppa, all down my front, 'swot I am saying...