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Jeremih - 'Birthday Sex'

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Fraser McAlpine | 09:07 UK time, Sunday, 16 August 2009


I have a glass bowl on my desk. Once upon a time it used to contain apples, as I've always had a thing about the humble granny smith, but it's been a while since I've remembered to get any, and in the meantime, it has become a perfect receptacle for the CDs I've been sent which have failed to win me round after the first couple of listens. That way they're still accessible, but clearly not for daily use.

The process goes something like this, CD goes on, I potter about, doing emails and whatnot, pressing play again when it finishes or maybe skipping through some of the remixes, and then, assuming all has not gone well, it'll be returned to its cardboard shell and hoicked into the fruitbowl, otherwise it goes on the teetering wall of CDs I'm building between me and the outside world.

Guess where I had to rescue this CD from, when it came time to review it?

And the reason for this is it became too tiring to work out if this was a parody of a sexy song, or a sexy song written by someone who doesn't really know what sexy is, or an actual sexy song (and I don't know what sexy is). Life's too short, y'know?

(No video: Too sexy.)

The important thing to bear in mind is that you can say literally anything in an R&B slow jam, providing there's a silky, seductive sheen to the production, and it'll usually still count as sexy. Here are some examples:

"you kiss me so sweetly, tastes just like Hershey's" - this is clearly a reference to a chocolate and peanut butter dollop sweet they have in America called Hershey's Kisses. Or at least I hope so, or Jeremih might just have revealed he has no idea what an actual kiss tastes like. Which would undermine the rest of the song a LOT.

"we switchin' positions, you feel surrounded" - never bring your fake hands to a kissyparty, that's got to be Rule No.1.

"Don't need candles or cake, just need your body..." - whose birthday is it, exactly?

"It's the best day of the year girl" - because tomorrow it's back to the X-Box.

"Just tell me how you want your gift, girl" - "Oh Jeremih! I said I wanted a BIG present!"

"Girl without a broom I might just sweep you off your feet
And make you want to tell somebody how I do."
- Could you maybe also hold up score cards? You know how much I love Len Goodman.

"You say you wanted flowers on the bed, but you got me in hours on the bed" - So, no flowers, that's what you're saying. Happy Birthday!

See what I mean? Try any of those lines on an actual girl and you'll find yourself birthday dumped before you can get the party hats out. There again, the music is smooooooth and the vibe is sweeeeeeeeeeet so...

Nope, still can't work it out. Time to go apple shopping!

Three starsDownload: Out now
CD Released: August 17th
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)



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