Soulja Boy Tell 'Em - 'Kiss Me Through The Phone'
If this turns out to be a big hit - and the signs are that it might - I'm going to be a little disappointed, and here's why. When 'Soulja Boy' the song shot up the charts 18 months ago, partly off the back of jaw-dropping remix by Travis Barker (let's have another look at him recording the drums for that, shall we? Yes.), you could have put money on Soulja being just another hip hop one hit wonder. He had a silly dance routine that went viral on the web - very hard to replicate - he didn't so much rap about things as say his own name over and over again with the occasional "OH!" for rhythmic variation, and...well that's it really.
You need more reasons? Oh well...
(Here's the video. What kind of reception is he gonna get in that forest?)
Anyway, then he released 'Yahhh!', which did not come with a silly dance routine, or amazing Travis Barker remix, and, crucially, was a song shouting at people who have the nerve to bother Soulja Boy as he goes about his daily business. The idea was that he couldn't walk from one end of the Netto car park (or local equivalent) to another without getting stopped by fans or ambitious rappers, all of whom after a piece of his action. His response? To yell "YAAHHH!" and presumably they would then explode or something.
It was rubbish, but the kind of rubbish that rewards repeated listening, just so you can enjoy the rampant ego at work. I loved it to such ridiculous degree that it still gets put on iPod playlists, nearly a year later. But it wasn't a hit, because Soulja Boy was so clearly a one-hit wonder (and, as I say...it's rubbish), and now he's back with a sloppy love song with real words in it that isn't endlessly egotistical and it's probably going keep doing quite well for itself and I just think...where's the justice?
I mean, sure, 'Kiss Me Through The Phone' is a Akon-tastic slow jam with the chorus lyrics cribbed from 'Issues' by the Saturdays, and a bunch of ridiculous verses which don't sound like he means a single word because he's too busy trying to make it all rhyme. But is it stupid? Is it delusional? Does it rest on a ridiculous premise, in which Soulja Boy claims to be a LOT more famous than he actually is?
No, no and no. And frankly, if we're going to encourage our one-hitters to keep going, we need them to be a lot more crackers than this. A lot less eager to fit in with what everyone else is doing. And if you don't like that, I've only got one thing to say...
YAAHHH TRICK YAAAAH!
Quantum Critics says: "I personally think they need to put this into some other childish, party, cute genre but we are stuck with it being in Rap."
Pophangover says: "What's his next single? Hug me through the toaster?"