Important Moments In Pop History - Part 2
After all the excitement generated by part one of this major new BBC research project, it has taken ChartBlog's scientists a little while to compile all of the necessary data for Part 2. This isn't because there is a lack of resources, more that the information we're getting is so sensitive, and potentially career-damaging* that it became vitally important to check all the facts before rushing to the keypad to
make write the whole thing up.
Thankfully, we are now in a position to release this to the world. Read, process, file, there will probably be a test.
Part 2: The Saturdays Get Their Name...
(What follows is taken from an encripted text document, a saved record of a conversation on instant messenger with all five of the Saturdays. It is not dated.)
Una says: Ladies, ladies. I have brought you here to discuss a very important issue. The name of our band. Now I have compiled a list of names that I like, and you can currently find them sellotaped to the fridge.
Vanessa says: Oh those were yours? I thought they were a list of the worst band names ever made ever. They're in the bin now.
Una says: But...but...that took me ages...
Frankie says: I fink it wud be wkd 2 B called Muddy Bomb Surprise, or Bogey Bang Pop!
Rochelle says: Hmm, would you want to keep the exclamation mark on the end there? I kind of like it, especially as it's on the word 'pop'...y'know, like something actually going POP! and pop music. That's clever.
Frankie says: Explanation mark? Wot? Wear?
Mollie says: I think those are perfectly horrid and ghastly names for a band of pretty girls like us. And that exclamation mark is just common. I think we should be called something lovely, like the Pink Tulips, or Daffodil Huggy-Buns...
Frankie says: Urr! That's sooo ga-
Rochelle says: OMG FRANKIE! You KNOW we don't use that word, don't you? It's homophonic.
Vanessa says: No it isn't. Homophonic means it sounds like something else. What you mean is sexist.
Frankie says: R U saing I am thu sexist owt of us lott? YUK!
Rochelle says: What if we mixed the two together? Something sweet and cuddly, but also tough and scary. Should we be called Laser Kittens, or Spiky Teds?
Frankie says: SPIKY TEDS! I love that!
Una says: NO WE CAN NOT! Statistically there is a 67% chance that a band called Spiky Teds will fail. I've been compiling a database of band names, you see...
Vanessa says: Yeah, and actually I think people are going to just FLOCK to see a group of girls called Laser Kittens, don't you?
Rochelle says: Well people like Dr Who, don't they? And people definitely like kittens, what's so wrong with putting them together?
Frankie says: *sings Dr Who theme* Duddley-dum, duddley-dum, duddley-dum, duddley-duddley duddley-dum, duddley dum, duddley-dum oooo-WEE-OOOOOH! WEEE-OOOOOOOH!
Mollie says: Francesca! Stop that at once! You've scared Mr Sniffles off my lap, and he's knocked the antimacassar off the rocking chair.
Vanessa says: To answer your question, Rochelle, it's because people who like lasers don't necessarily like kittens and people who like kittens don't necessarily like lasers! You're ruining the one thing with the other.
Rochelle says: Shiny Teds then...?
Una says: According to the database, Shiny Teds would be even less successful than Spiky Teds. What people seem to really like is bands with mundane names. Names which remind them of boring things in their lives. Think about the Spice Girls - kitcheny.
Rochelle says: Yeah, or Elbow, or Girls Aloud...
Vanessa says: So, what, we need to think of something, maybe a body part, that is as boring as Elbow, and that's our new name?
Frankie says: THE BUMS!
Mollie says: CERTAINLY NOT!
Una says: Actually, the Bums scores 83%, but it's impractical.
Vanessa says: Alright then, madame swotty, what's the highest scoring word?
Una says: I'm glad you asked that. It seems that things off the calendar are popular. There's that band September, a rock band called Thursday, the Sundays, Freaky Friday, January, Brian May...all very popular.
Rochelle says: So you think we should be called Wednesday June the 5th, do you? Won't that make the name hard to read?
Mollie says: That's very close to mummy's birthday, actually. She'll be thrilled!
Vanessa says: People have a hard time spelling Wednesday...surely another day of the week would be better? Something weekendy?
Frankie says: Put an explanation mark on it!
Rochelle says: Actually, I was kidding about the date. Surely the name of a day or a month should be enough?
Vanessa says: It's still kind of lame though, isn't it?
Una says: Yeah. Ah well, never mind. I'm sure we'll think of something.
Rochelle says: Maybe Laser Kittens was OK after all...?
MORE IMPORTANT MOMENTS COMING SOON, INCLUDING:
The day Justin Timberlake discovered social networking.
The day Madonna moved in with baby Jesus.
The day We Are Scientists made a joke.
The day Limp Bizkit reformed and split up and reformed.
* Mine, mainly.