How To Destroy...Alesha Dixon
NOTE: Alesha Dixon is a force for good, a wonderful human being and one of the nicest, most down-to-earth and light-hearted people you could ever hope to meet. As I write this, she's just climbed to the top of a mountain in order to raise money for Comic Relief, and destroying her would almost certainly guarantee you a window seat on a one way train to the fiery domain where Satan resides.
However, if it were totally necessary - like if she had unleashed one of her astonishingly loud cackles, and shattered the Earth's crust, leaving the entire planet in peril, only one mountainous guffaw away from total doom, and then decided to go and see some stand-up comedy to take her mind off all the stress - well, who better to do the dirty deed than her former Strictly tormentors? They're already well-skilled at ripping people to shreds, after all.
Failing that, perhaps a great big cork in her gob would do the trick...
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~46~RS~)
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Chartblog,
I have been a reader for long enough to remember your 'Ringtones from Hell' feature, which I have downloaded and put on my phone.
Please do more ringtones from hell, they were really inspiring =(
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I hate to look a gift compliment in the mouth...but "inspiring" followed by an unsmiley smiley is kind of...uh...is it sarcastic? Dour? Eeyore-ish?
Anyway, sorry, manners escaped me for a second there.
Which song would you like The ChartBlog Ringtone Generator to mangle?
PS: Newbies! It's here...
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I just listened to that Ringtone from hell and lmao! Thats class.
I reckon you'd do a good/bad Single Ladies ringtone!
DannyBoy__
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Yeah, I think Single Ladies or Issues would be mangled well!
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It just goes to show you can't be too careful!
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? wtp ?
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Last heard on 15th March...
It's been far too long.....
It's something to look forward to...
It makes for great drama......
It will boost blogging ratings...
We want the return of Jimmy Saville's cigar................
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fear not spirit warrior, i will always be with you.
Should i hear the call i shall return.
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wow, jimsavcig is playing Darth Vader to Spirit's Luke Skywalker :)
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Oh wow, I am so , so excited !!
Jimmy... just let us know what the call is....
Is it the next How to destroy ?
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Hey Catman... all these conspiracy theories... now everyone is thinking that Jimmy could be my father !
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Or rather...
Jimmy Cigar the father of Spirit is. Strong is the force in this one.
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Come on Fraser.... where is the next How to destroy...... ?
We have all got our light sabres ready !
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Haha! No way! I know an ambush when I see one!
You boys go on outside and play now...the grownups are talking.
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Chicken ! lol
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Fraser... surely you must give your devoted fans what they want ?
I have done extensive chartblog analysis and compiled feedback from all your disciples , and everyone is talkin about the next How to Destroy !
The word on the street is that it looks set to be the biggest one yet.
Simon Cowell is pressing me for the rights to it, and Setanta are bidding with Sky for the film rights !
I hope you are aware of the excitement and general wow factor, that the next How to destroy will bring.
The icing on the cake is the return of Jimmy, who is waiting in the wings waiting to hear the call !
Anticipation is reaching fever pitch......
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When the grown-ups have finished playing twister in their sub-conscious mind.....
Then maybe we could have the next How to Destroy !
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Waiting..........
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"Setanta are bidding with Sky for the film rights !"
Hmm... I think my money would be on Sky right now...
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Well as waiting for the next How to destroy is like waiting for a new Guns n Roses album....
Can others please encourage Fraser....
In the meantime I thought it would give it a real big build up , by getting to know the very entertaining Jimmy Saville's cigar , who has attracted a large cult following on this blog.
Jimmy who are your comedy heroes ?
Favourite comedy programme ?
Favourite film ?
I love Fawlty towers, The Office , the Naked Gun films, Monty Python, Ben Stiller...... oh too many to mention !
Jimmy who are your favourites and why ?
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Oh , and the film out on release at the moment...
"The Hangover "
Funniest film , I have seen in ages !
Great stuff...
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Jimmy, it would be fascinating to know, what really makes you laugh in the world of comedy....
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I have just realised that Jimmys comment at 5 is in fact a response to David Mitchell's column on the Guardian website where he asked everyone to put "It just goes to show you can't be too careful" on every blog they could as it serves as a neutral reply to ANY subject.
So jimmy is a) a Guardian reader and b) a fan of David Mitchell. Which partly answers Spirits question at 22.
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So we wait outside a David Mitchell gig , and as the people come out , we see if there is someone smoking an outsize cigar , with a copy of the Guardian under his / her arm , and that's our man / woman !
Genius !
lol
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OK. I went back and refreshed my memory as to "JimCig"'s antics, to see what had galvanised Spirit into this prolonged campaign to coax him out of retirement.
The back and forth with Fraser was quite entertaining, but seriously, I don't see the attraction in trolling. Fair enough, I've been known to insult/patronise people on message boards too, but it's so much more satisfying when there's a point of principle at stake. But just going "you're rubbish!" for the sake of garnering some attention really is just lame.
Was funny though when that Softchews girl (?) was trying to reason with him, and he just wasn't having any of it.
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Rest assured Curtains , there is method in the madness...
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