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How To Destroy...Alesha Dixon

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:48 UK time, Monday, 9 March 2009

How To Destroy Alesha Dixon

NOTE: Alesha Dixon is a force for good, a wonderful human being and one of the nicest, most down-to-earth and light-hearted people you could ever hope to meet. As I write this, she's just climbed to the top of a mountain in order to raise money for Comic Relief, and destroying her would almost certainly guarantee you a window seat on a one way train to the fiery domain where Satan resides.

However, if it were totally necessary - like if she had unleashed one of her astonishingly loud cackles, and shattered the Earth's crust, leaving the entire planet in peril, only one mountainous guffaw away from total doom, and then decided to go and see some stand-up comedy to take her mind off all the stress - well, who better to do the dirty deed than her former Strictly tormentors? They're already well-skilled at ripping people to shreds, after all.

Failing that, perhaps a great big cork in her gob would do the trick...

How To Destroy Other People...



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