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Eoghan Quigg - '28,000 Friends'

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Fraser McAlpine | 10:55 UK time, Monday, 30 March 2009

Eoghan QuiggOh James Bourne, James Bourne, what are you DOING? Maybe Son Of Dork didn't manage to take over the world in quite the same way Busted did. Maybe Charlie's departure to Fightstar was, in retrospect, not the act of deliberately contrary sabotage it appeared to be at the time, and maybe you just couldn't face eating what Matt Willis had to eat in order to become a TV presenter, but there is no excuse for this.

As regular ChartBloggerers may know, I don't watch the X Factor, for fear of losing my professional integrity and hard-won indie street credibility.* But I'm aware that this Eoghan fella has a controversial reputation.

Some people love his great big puppydog eyes and the fact that he can't control himself enough to stay backstage when his friend/girlfriend/friend Diana Vickers is being kicked off the show. Other people think he's a talent vacuum who gets by on sheer enthusiasm, a bit like Tigger.

I don't have strong feelings either way, except to say that if he really is a talented enough singer to have got to the X Factor final in the year that Alexandra - a girl who really can sing, let's not forget - won, this is not the song to showcase those talents. In fact, they've been actively hidden.

Which brings me back to James Bourne, former Busted songsmith and now one of Eoghan's tune supply team. Somewhere, in some cigar-smoked, foggy record company board room, a team of creatives has decided that Eoghan's fan base is very young, they've also realised that young people like to talk to their friends using social networking.

If only, the conversation goes, there was a way of showing the kids that Eoghan understands their world, if only there was a way for him to say "hey, The Kids, I am one of you, because I too enjoy social networking. But not too much, because that would make me a geek, and the jocks hate the geeks, right? Not that I hate the geeks! I love geeks! I love jocks! Go Wildcats! Be my demographic, puh-weez?", and then do that dog-eyes thing he does...

(Here's the video. Apparently you can breakdance to this song.)

James Bourne shuffles in his seat, coughs, and wipes a smoke-teared eye. He has an idea. What if, he thinks, what if we wrote a song about a girl who Eoghan likes, a funny sort of a song about a girl who's got so many friends using social networking - and here James pauses to jot down an idea for a hook which just lists the most popular web/networking areas of the moment: "YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, IM" - that she never has any time to go outside? What if SHE'S the geek? That could work.

And what if, he continues, what if we wrote this song up as a kind of pop-punk number, but toned down the guitars and energy so it sounds a bit weedy and anaemic. That way, Eoghan's powerful voice would be strong, manly backbone to the song (what? Who's laughing?), and no-one would ever say that an X Factor winner out-rocked the mighty Busted. The rockingest band in the ENTIRE WORLD!

At which point James pauses to rotate the drawing pin in his Charlie Simpson voodoo doll, safely tucked away in his pocket, as always. Then he clears his throat to speak...

1 starDownload: Out now
CD Released:
April 6th

(Fraser McAlpine)

PS: Interesting that the lyrics don't mention Twitter, isn't it? The song hasn't even been released and it's already out of date. That's the price you pay for trying to keep up with them pesky kids!

* I'm kidding. I don't watch it because it's mean.

UPDATE: I have received an email, pointing out that Eoghan "also fails to mention Habbo and Bebo, the two biggest social sites for his core demographic".

And you have to admit, either one would be easier to sing than MySpace or YouTube.


  • Comment number 1.


    OH MY LORD ...... this song is so lame !


    This should have had balls , attitude and appealed to every base and this should have been the platform to launch a career...

    Unfortunately the complete opposite will happen... this is cringeworthy.....


  • Comment number 2.

    This song will be a hit no question........ but with this song... he has narrowed his potential fanbase by a very wide margin.......

    And that is misguided and does not look at the BIG PICTURE.

    The song is catchy but so so so so cheesy !!!!


  • Comment number 3.

    If you took the Complete Works of Shakespeare and replaced every word with the word Rubbish and printed Twenty Volumes of this tome and gave them to Simon Cowell and sat him in the middle of England's largest rubbish tip and got him to read through all twenty volumes at the rate of two words per minute and filmed all this in black and white and showed it 24 hours a day on BBC1 it would still be more entertaining than listening to one second of this puerile drivel.


    (Actually, consider this my standing review for any record related to the X Factor.)

  • Comment number 4.

    For some reason some of the latest reviews...... DEPECHE , LADY S, AND MR PENATE are not appearing on the homepage..... can this be remedied so more people are aware of your new single reviews ? thanks.

  • Comment number 5.

    I've been waiting for you to review this song!

    I admire you, I don't think I could find the words to even attempt to describe this...'song'(and I loved Busted!).

  • Comment number 6.

    It's so bad it's funny.

  • Comment number 7.

    Theres something about his vocals that really grate on me. I hated him on the X-Factor, almost purely as he's got such an average voice. But theres something new about his voice on his song. I suspect the computer they used to edit them.

    Simply an awful record. I cant wait to hear the songs he's butchered on his forthcoming album (check the track list).

  • Comment number 8.

    I really hope he reads this and just gives up!

    Maybe if we type Eoghan (Owen) Quigg more, it'll come up sooner when he googles himself every morning.

    Eoghan Quigg

    Eoghan Quigg

    Eoghan Quigg!

  • Comment number 9.

    DANNYBOY that is so so so funny !!!!

    This spirit is so smiling !!

  • Comment number 10.

    ok... my view: as a young person myself (well if u class 18 young but i do!) i think its ok.... well very catchy anyway!!!

    But yes, i see where your coming from on the "Bebo" and "Habbo" slant. Knowing kids in the younger years to me at school, these are the most popular by far in his age range as: a) non of us even have a clue where to start on Myspace! b) Facebook is seen by the younger kids as a "6th form site" so dont touch it and c) who uses Youtube for friends...really?

    Other than the blatant misunderstanding of his age group; i like the song, very bustedish (but the James Bourne thing explains that!) but overall really catchy - what us kids want tbh, were lacking on modern cheese!!

    *rant over :)*

  • Comment number 11.

    That was a rant? You should come back more often. We need nice ranters like you!

  • Comment number 12.

    Lol well i have too much time on my hands, and like to give opinions: although i generally do this on air being a radio presenter on a internet/Community licence site myself.

  • Comment number 13.

    Well DANNY BOY your cunning plan worked !!

    The gorgeous MR QUIGG was on tv today saying that this will not be released as a single but as a taster for his album.

    I think the handsome MR QUIGG may have read FRASERS review !


    (excellent teamwork ! )

  • Comment number 14.

    Well done us!!!

    High five, Fraser

    *** Don't leave me hangin'

  • Comment number 15.

    high five!

    On the side!

    Down below...Too slow!

  • Comment number 16.

    We're just the coolest

  • Comment number 17.

    I think this IS maybe part of a huge sinister masterplan to derail all X FACTOR related singles from being released that the world will only find out about when FRASER FINALLY releases his AUTOBIOGRAPHY ! ......... LOL


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