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Enrique Iglesias ft. Sean Garrett - 'Away'

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Fraser McAlpine | 09:17 UK time, Saturday, 29 November 2008

Enrique IglesiasOh for goodness sake, stop snivelling, the pair of you. You'll get snot all down your expensive shirts, and you're making a joint spectacle of yourselves. Try and control that breathing, just focus on breathing in...then out...now in....and out...

That's better. Now what was that all about, hmm? I mean sure, the girls like a sensitive man, but you two really take the biscuit. In fact, you, Mr Iglesias, take the biscuit, the biscuit tin, the cupboard above the kettle, the kitchen, the house, most of the street...AND all of the gateposts.

And it takes two of you to really get across to this girl that you don't know why she's dumping you, does it? Cos I'm pretty sure I can work it out, and I don't know either of you on a personal level. Did you ever think you might be just too wet?

Now, it's natural in a sitation like this to maybe throw dignity to one side and ask for another chance. You can't really say you've been dumped unless the experience involved some kind of tearful plea for a second, third or fifth chance. Dignity is not an option, the best thing that ever came into your life is heading out of the door at speed and you have to stop her/him in any way that you can, short of gaffer-tape.

But this is way past the point of human endurance. You have to be able to suggest to the recipient of all your begging that they will be missing out if they don't take you back. All a song like this does is prove that you, the dumping person, will be glad to see the back of that flipping whining noise.

What Enrique SHOULD have done in this situation is just point to his own face and say, very calmly "I am hot. I'm REALLY hot. Are you sure you want to leave this? With YOUR complexion?"

Works every time, let me tell you...

Two starsDownload: Out now
CD Released: December 1st

(Fraser McAlpine)



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