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Fraser McAlpine | 17:29 UK time, Thursday, 9 October 2008

A ChartBlog Special ReportI could always cope with the fact that people were releasing songs which have names in, but not MY name, rather well. In fact, as an issue, it has never really been a problem. I've an unusual Christian name, it's not one which is easily sung, and besides, there's the connection with the comedy show on TV, even though they're not spelled the same.

You basically don't want a song with my name in it, unless you want people to think it is about a prissy psychologist from Seattle, and you want people to sing it wrong, ALL the time.

So I've always assumed that everyone felt the same way about the relationship between their own name and the music they listen to, 'Happy Birthday' aside, obv.

I'm fairly sure that no-one feels left out of, say, 'Stan' by Eminem, just because it is about someone who isn't them. And I'm equally sure than men called Stan don't have a greater affinity with the song just because the character in it has the same name as they do.

However, as with a lot of things on the web, this non-existent problem has now been solved, by a new band called the Attic Lights. They have a song called 'Wendy', which sounds a lot like Teenage Fanclub, if you need a musical reference point. They are clearly worried that, by calling their song this, they have offended huge swathes of their potential fan-base, namely the people who are not called 'Wendy' and who will assume that the song addressed to someone else.

names.gifSo, what they've done, and this is quite clever, is record 55 - that's FIFTY-FIVE - different versions of the song, changing the name to the 55 most popular names in the UK. This is good news for anyone called Adam or Alex or Amy or...[one alphabet later]...or Tom or Wendy, but bad news for Jordan or Gwyneth or Jack or Adele. Or Fraser.

The band's singer, Kev Sherry explained the rationale behind this gimmick marketing masterstroke, saying: "It's such a simple idea; I can't believe no-one's thought of doing it before. Just imagine your own personal versions of 'Ruby', 'Billie Jean', 'Hey Jude', 'Mandy', the list is endless!"

Well yeah, except I'm not sure I want to hear Barry Manilow (or Westlife) singing "Oh Fraser, well you came and you gave without taking", or Michael Jackson singing "Fraser Mac is not my lover", or even the Kaiser Chiefs spluttering their way through "Fraser Fraser Fraser FRAY-ZERRR".

This to me, is the stuff of nightmares.

And even if it was a song which is supposed to have a boy's name in it, like 'Jimmy Mack', 'Billy Don't Be A Hero' or 'Louie Louie', part of the appeal of the song is the way the name sounds. 'Fraser Mack' despite being fairly close to my full name, is no good as a song title. 'Fraser Don't Be A Hero' is just plain weird. As for 'Fraser Fraser'...let's just say I'm not feeling it.

This could, of course, just be sour grapes on my part. And you have to admit, as a way of getting attention for your new song, this takes some beating.

Oh wait, did I just play right into their hands? DAMMIT!

Anyway, if your name is Adam or Alex or Amy or Andy or Becky or Ben or Billy or Charlotte or Cheryl or Chris or Claire or Danny or Dave or Emily or Emma or Gary or Hannah or Helen or Ian or James or Jay or Jessica or Joe or John or Julie or Karen or Katie or Kevin or Laura or Lauren or Lee or Lisa or Louise or Lucy or Mark or Martin or Matthew or Michelle or Mike or Natalie or Neil or Nicola or Paul or Peter or Rachel or Richie or Robert or Sam or Sarah or Simon or Sophie or Stevie or Ted or Tom or Wendy, you might want to check this thing out, at www.yournameinasong.com

Everyone else can just join me in a silent huff.



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