A Little Modesty, Your Majesty?
I am old enough to remember the '80s. I was THERE, maaaan. This means I'm also officially old enough to remember Michael Jackson when he was still good, before everything started to go weird. You don't need me to list the weird stuff, of course. The weird stuff is extraordinarily well documented, and it's not like people haven't had a chance to put their side of the argument across, whether it's pro or anti.
But it's important to remember that at one point Michael Jackson was the most famous man in the world, and that as far as everyone was concerned at the time, this fame was entirely justified, because as musical performers go, he was among the best.
Not THE best, obviously, cos that's a matter of personal taste, and if you're partial to Russian folk music, say, Jacko might not be your man. But he certainly was very very good indeed. And to celebrate his goodness, we're all being offered the chance to put together a democratic compilation of his wonderous works...
'King of Pop' is a new 18-track best of CD, which will be compiled from a list of 50 of Michael's most noteworthy songs by fans. The voting is taking place on the Sun's website and on the GMTV site, and the album will be out in time for his 50th birthday on August 29th.
For the record, of the 50 to choose, here's the 12 which just HAVE to be on there.
Billie Jean
Smooth Criminal
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
Thriller
You Are Not Alone
Black Or White
Man In The Mirror
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Beat It
The Way You Make Me Feel
Off The Wall
Rock With You
And here's the 12 we could all probably live without:
The Girl Is Mine
In The Closet
Will You Be There
Earth Song
P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
Who Is It
Blood On The Dance Floor
Leave Me Alone
Bad
Childhood (Free Willy 2)
History
Dirty Diana
They Don't Care About Us
Which leaves a total of eight songs to pick from the remaining 26.
Now, as I said, I know Michael Jackson is good. The trouble I have is with this self-appointed regal nickname someone decided to give him ages ago, the one they're STILL trying to get us all to use.
The term 'King Of Pop' didn't really start to be used until around Michael's 'Dangerous' album, which came out in 1991. An album which is commonly agreed to be worse than the two which came before it ('Thriller' and 'Bad', since you ask). It also arrived at the point at which the media frenzy around Michael became louder than the music he was making.
This did not stop his record company's PR department* demanding that all publications refer to their helium hitmaker by this title at all times, because, well, that's their job. But they couldn't really make the nickname stick, no matter how often it was repeated. It just felt like someone was trying to overstate how big and important Michael was, like we couldn't work it out for ourselves.
If anything, it probably helped to create the mocking atmosphere towards Michael which was gathering momentum. And seeing as Michael himself seemed to be painfully shy, an arrogant, haughty name like that never suited his character like it would a cockier singer like Prince or Madonna (she could still carry off the King Of Pop crown rather well, donchathink?).
It just felt like hype, on an artist who really did not need to be hyped in any way.
So, even though this hits CD will attempt to stick the words 'Michael', 'Jackson', 'King', 'Of' and 'Pop' together once again, it will still look silly and it still won't work, no matter how good the tunes on the disc.
Thankfully, the CD's cover is every bit as daft, as it shows Michael attempting to walk through a waterfall of blood, or to appear as a Banksy-style grafitti on a tupperware plate.
And it just got me thinking. Seeing as someone is already claiming Michael as THE King of Pop, and attempting to illustrate 'pop' as some kind of red background, why not see if we can secure him a few other tomato-coloured kingdoms while we're at it? I mean, seeing as we're making stuff up, why not go crackers, hmm?
This is a great way to increase Michael's reach into other branded areas. And you can make your own crouton jokes here, if you like.
Well, can you name any of the previous Kings Of Chup? Thought not...
This has probably already happened.
And this probably should have happened a few years ago, before emails/texting/MyFaceBo etc...
This, however, could not be MORE up-to-date. And positions Michael once again at the cutting edge of modern popular music, which as a true artist and visionary, is where he truly belongs etc etc...
Be honest, this would probably be rather good, right?
This, on the other hand, MUST NEVER HAPPEN. It was already the ickiest picture ever, and putting Jacko in there just makes it worse.
Don't worry. I've stopped now. Unless you can think of any other red things Michael can be king of...Mr Strong? Beetroot?
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* I assume it was them. Or his management team. Someone IMPORTANT, anyway...
© MMX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~26~RS~)
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Michael Jackson
King Of...Stop (on a red traffic light)?
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You could take the "King Of Pop" title, and play with its various definitions, par example, Michael on an acne ridden teen's face, in the middle of a spot about to be popped.
It's disgusting, although doesn't quite match up to the nausea-inducing Kravitz picture. *shudders*
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lol at king of ting
King of Soviet Russia?
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Mmm Pop Justice much!?
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Aww....you've not been here before. Bless.
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Interesting ;)
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Welcome back Liam.
King of Rot ? :)
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King of Wurzels
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I read this at the time, but only now, after MJ's death, have I marshalled my thoughts on his body of work enough to be outraged at the "12 we could probably all live without". Either than or I just didn't read it properly (it IS kind of long, after all).
Bad? Dirty Diana?! WHAAAAAT?!!
It's not just that these are personal favourites of mine, and I'm annoyed (although they are and I am) - I like Blood on the Dancefloor and They Don't Care About Us, but I can understand they're not his "classics". But Bad and DD really ARE two of the classics. I'd have thought Off The Wall and You Are Not Alone were more questionable, and they're on the must-have list.
Actually, maybe I should just go and look at what made the cut in the end...
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OK, I'm going to channel Spirit and do a numerical rundown to see how Fraser got on:
Of the 12 that HAD to be on there, 2 weren't (I Just Can't Stop Loving You and Off The Wall).
Of the 12 that we could all live without (pfft), 3 were there (They Don't Care About Us, Bad, and Earth Song).
Not bad, but I wouldn't have picked the two that Fraser said had to be there. I also wouldn't have omitted Bad and Earth Song, but I WAS surprised by They Don't Care...
But not as surprised as YOU ROCK MY WORLD?! WTF?
Oh, also - I know he died and so everyone was being nicer about him, but it seemed to me that the King Of Pop moniker DID actually catch on. It might have originated in a marketing man's brain, or MJ's himself, and generally I think it's lame when someone tries to give themselves a nickname (Rossotron), but people did refer to him by it.
Still, King Of Stop was a funny idea.
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King of Phone Box? King of Coke? King of Santa? Er... King of Melon?
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