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Fun With Press Releases No. 17

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Fraser McAlpine | 17:02 UK time, Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Press releases

The Sea - 'Don't You Want Me'

"In 2007 brothers Peter and Alex formed 'The Sea', they did it for one reason, FUN! To impress no-one but themselves and never try and chase industry approval or the mythical record contract!"

And yet they have employed a PR company to tell us this. Interesting...



Does It Offend You Yeah? - 'Dawn Of The Dead'

"Taken from the band's debut LP 'You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into...', the single promises to be yet another stand-out track from the album."

Can't you just FEEL the enthusiasm? "Yet another stand-out track" translates as "OMG I have NOTHING to say about this song", and if you think about it, if all you're saying is that the song fits well on their album, you're wondering why they're releasing it as a single.

Also, it's called 'DAWN OF THE DEAD', for gawdsake! This is something interesting we could have some fun with! No? Oh well...



Yo! Majesty - 'Futuristically Speaking...Never Be Afraid'

"These girls are...a kick up the ass for hip hop, which is unfortunately home to much misogyny, homophobia, materialism and poor live shows. Yo! Majesty is here to challenge that. Watch the walls come tumbling down!"

Yeah! That that, wall of homophobia! Mysogny dry-stone? Hai-YAH! Enclosing brick structure of rappers not being very good live? Be afraid. Yo! Majesty shall dismantle you using The Wrecking Ball of Justice and The Sledgehammer of Not Sucking (In A Concert Environment).



Deborah Bonham - 'Duchess'

"She rips through 13 original compositions backed by her forceful working band."

Which is much better than having a forceful NOT-working band. That would be awful.



Melee - 'Devils & Angels'

"'Devils & Angels' was written by [Chris] Cron with guitarist Ricky Sans, while bassist Ryan Malloy and drummer Mike Nader also contributed to the arrangements."

Specifically, what Ryan and Mike contributed was the bass, and the drums...unless one of them runs a taxi-service, obv.



Carla Bruni - 'Comme Si De Rien N'était'

"After studying architecture, Bruni embarked on a modelling career in 1985, attaining super model status and becoming the symbol for top fashion houses until 1997."

And by night, she still prowls the streets in a catsuit, using her super-powers to fight crime and strike fear into the hearts of the criminal fraternity. She also makes amazing jam tarts, is a trained mechanic and can paint in nine different languages. SHE DOES NOT NEED YOU TO BUY HER RECORDS, PEASANT!



Ray J - 'All I Feel'

"Ray J can continue to stand on his music pedestal with this superior collection of R&B beats."

And do what, exactly? Wave it around?



More Fun With Press Releases...



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