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Blog Party - Cheryl TweedyCole

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Fraser McAlpine | 17:02 UK time, Thursday, 7 June 2007

CherylIf there's one thing we at ChartBlog detest, it's egg custards. But if you widen the net out a little bit as far as maybe the fourth or fifth thing we at ChartBlog detest, it would be hacking into someone's laptop using clever Spooks-style computer trickery, stealing their innermost thoughts and then publishing them on the internet so that everyone can have a really good laugh.

Thankfully no-one we know has that level of expertise. But if they did, and the laptop they broke into belonged to Cheryl Cole out of they Girl Alouds? How would that be, do you suppose?



Cheryl's Note To Self: Gah! Some grotty underling has just DEMANDED that I take time out from my rigorous en-beautification regime to allow my perfectly perfect fingers to caress some scum-riddled typewriter. Just so that some scrofulous halfling with hairy palms can gain access to my most prized inner sanctum...MY BRAIN...

Such indignities will not be borne lightly. I shall act as if nothing is amiss, and then, when the time is right, said underling will be tossed aside, after a thorough going-over in...The Tweedulator. Muah-ha-Ha-HA-HAAA!

Right, if I HAVE to write this 'blog' then I'd best get it over with. Gloves on, keypad bleached, 'Geordie' Accent Filter activated...to WORK!

Cheryl's Dairy - June 7th!!!

CherylHello out there in fan-land!!!! Love you!!!

Today me and wor girls have been travelling around meeting people what've not had the lucky breaks like me and them have had. We done a hospital, and a care home for the old biddies, and a beauticians. Some of the stories we heard were awful! This one lad had hurt his foot and it was all swelled up like a balloon, only a balloon that's all full of pus, y'knaa? Guh-ROSS!

And then there was this girl in the beauticians and she, well she had this funny kink in her hair and it was all...wrong. Me and Sarah went over to her and did the best we could. But really there was no hope. Sometimes you just know when someone isn't gonna make it, don't yer? Sarah gave me The Sign and we just had to leave. I felt like crying.

Anyway, Ashley's just come in with some freshly-steamed air for me dinner. So I'll say tara for now.

Bye! Love you!!! Bye!!!

Cheryl xoxox

Note To Self: Ugh, has it come to this? Here I am, one of the most beautiful, spirited and ALIVE women on the planet, and I'm reduced to dribbling total inanities to morons just to brighten up their day a little. I mean, who's going to brighten up MY day? Eh? A war of words with that imbecile Allen woman? Tramp-tipping? Nine hours in front of a mirror?

Actually, thinking about it, perhaps a nine-hour chat with my inverted half wouldn't be a bad idea, it's been days since we spent any quality time toge...

...oh BLAST AND DAMNATION! Does nobody UNDERSTAND how HARD it is to be ME? SO many plates in the air at once, and now THIS...

Apparently I didn't quite get across my true caring nature in the last virtual missive, and for the sake of...Good Lord! I know not WHOM...I'm required to reveal my pixellated visage to the great unwashed once again. This is an OUTRAGE!

Heads will ROLL, mark my words...

Cheryl's Dairy - June 7th - Part 2!!!

Hi!!!! I'm BACK!!!

CherylI forgot to say that I love yez all. Me and the girls wuz only saying the other day that yuz are the BEST fans any band ever had. And that includes Atomic Kitten, Sugababes AND the Spice Girls!!!!

I mean so what if some of yus have dirty fingernails, or smell a bit? In my book that just means you're proper down-to-earth folk, like what I am, and like what all of the girls are...even Sarah!

So, if any of yez see me in the street, DO come over and say hi! I may look like I'm running away, but that's just cuz we're all so busy these days and that, y'knaa? Me minders are really sweet, actually, and almost never hurt anyone.

Thanks again!!!! I love yez!!!!

Cheryl xoxox

Note To Self: Apparently this last message has passed muster. IT HAD BETTER HAD. If anyone needs me I shall be in the Mirror Room...but don't THINK of disturbing me until the 'Do Not Disturb' sign has been taken off the door.



*Oh wait, hang on. It turns out that this ISN'T some hidden extract of Cheryl Cole's thinkings. In fact, the more you look at this, the more you realise it was probably made up. But who would do such a terrible thing? WHO? It's so hard to tell, isn't it?


  1. At 07:38 PM on 07 Jun 2007, Dodger wrote:

    lol well funny loving the geordie font lol though i can't understand most of it. Lmao cant STAND girls aloud they have NO singing talent and are pretty much awful lol dodger xxxxx :p

  2. At 08:57 PM on 10 Jun 2007, Clazz wrote:

    Sorrie but if Girls Aloud had no talent then they wouldnt be popular enough to be taken the pi.ss off like this if no-body knew them.
    This was fuunny, hopefully Cheryl being Cheryl she would think its funny too! ;)

  3. At 11:04 PM on 10 Jun 2007, Kerri wrote:

    their only talent is they can sing, and we know that as at the end of the day they won popstars: the rivals didnt they, but thats about it when it comes to their talent! if they were really talented theyd have made their own fame, not had it manufactured for them by an ITV show (in the words of robbie williams, i think "you cant manufacture a miracle" i never thought id see the day i was quoting him! anyway..) they dont write their own songs, they sing about total rubbish (may i now bring your attension to "something kinda ooooh" no more needs be said on this matter) and seem to give the impression that if your pretty thats all you need in life (well thats what they say to me) what total fooey! the best thing about cheryl is the footie club her husband plays for! now every other football supporter in the vacinity will probs shoot me as they know my footballing allegiances but who cares....but he did sign for all the wrong reasons. anyway, my point is clear.

    oh and fraymond, this blog rocks!

  4. At 11:39 AM on 11 Jun 2007, kimmy rogers wrote:

    all the ugly people from girls aloud are meffs!!!!!!! they love ther selfs and need to sort there little plastic heads ouit when me and my mates look at them they all make me wanna be sick .../..... expect for the ginga 1 shes no a vain person like the rest of the SL[Sniiiip! Sadly, at this point Kimmy's comment sort of fell apart in a riot of swearing and bad behaviour. It was very funny to read, mind. - Fraser]

  5. At 11:40 AM on 11 Jun 2007, kimmy rogers wrote:

    only joking

  6. At 11:37 AM on 15 Jun 2007, charlie wrote:

    hiya all just want 2 say that charlie if ur readin dis i luv u lol

  7. At 09:26 PM on 19 Jun 2007, hannah wrote:

    i fink cheryl should disappear after what she did to lilly allen that was digusting her and her gang of made up plastic clown gang

  8. At 03:22 PM on 13 Nov 2007, carlie wrote:

    clazz is so right girls aloud hav so much talent that they cud noc any uther freaks off the top spot

  9. At 04:00 PM on 27 Feb 2008, carlie wrote:

    cheryl is the best singer out of girls aloud esspecials in their new song "don't speak french"

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