Blog Party - Cheryl TweedyCole
If there's one thing we at ChartBlog detest, it's egg custards. But if you widen the net out a little bit as far as maybe the fourth or fifth thing we at ChartBlog detest, it would be hacking into someone's laptop using clever Spooks-style computer trickery, stealing their innermost thoughts and then publishing them on the internet so that everyone can have a really good laugh.
Thankfully no-one we know has that level of expertise. But if they did, and the laptop they broke into belonged to Cheryl Cole out of they Girl Alouds? How would that be, do you suppose?
Cheryl's Note To Self: Gah! Some grotty underling has just DEMANDED that I take time out from my rigorous en-beautification regime to allow my perfectly perfect fingers to caress some scum-riddled typewriter. Just so that some scrofulous halfling with hairy palms can gain access to my most prized inner sanctum...MY BRAIN...
Such indignities will not be borne lightly. I shall act as if nothing is amiss, and then, when the time is right, said underling will be tossed aside, after a thorough going-over in...The Tweedulator. Muah-ha-Ha-HA-HAAA!
Right, if I HAVE to write this 'blog' then I'd best get it over with. Gloves on, keypad bleached, 'Geordie' Accent Filter activated...to WORK!
Cheryl's Dairy - June 7th!!!
Hello out there in fan-land!!!! Love you!!!
Today me and wor girls have been travelling around meeting people what've not had the lucky breaks like me and them have had. We done a hospital, and a care home for the old biddies, and a beauticians. Some of the stories we heard were awful! This one lad had hurt his foot and it was all swelled up like a balloon, only a balloon that's all full of pus, y'knaa? Guh-ROSS!
And then there was this girl in the beauticians and she, well she had this funny kink in her hair and it was all...wrong. Me and Sarah went over to her and did the best we could. But really there was no hope. Sometimes you just know when someone isn't gonna make it, don't yer? Sarah gave me The Sign and we just had to leave. I felt like crying.
Anyway, Ashley's just come in with some freshly-steamed air for me dinner. So I'll say tara for now.
Bye! Love you!!! Bye!!!
Note To Self: Ugh, has it come to this? Here I am, one of the most beautiful, spirited and ALIVE women on the planet, and I'm reduced to dribbling total inanities to morons just to brighten up their day a little. I mean, who's going to brighten up MY day? Eh? A war of words with that imbecile Allen woman? Tramp-tipping? Nine hours in front of a mirror?
Actually, thinking about it, perhaps a nine-hour chat with my inverted half wouldn't be a bad idea, it's been days since we spent any quality time toge...
...oh BLAST AND DAMNATION! Does nobody UNDERSTAND how HARD it is to be ME? SO many plates in the air at once, and now THIS...
Apparently I didn't quite get across my true caring nature in the last virtual missive, and for the sake of...Good Lord! I know not WHOM...I'm required to reveal my pixellated visage to the great unwashed once again. This is an OUTRAGE!
Heads will ROLL, mark my words...
Cheryl's Dairy - June 7th - Part 2!!!
Hi!!!! I'm BACK!!!
I forgot to say that I love yez all. Me and the girls wuz only saying the other day that yuz are the BEST fans any band ever had. And that includes Atomic Kitten, Sugababes AND the Spice Girls!!!!
I mean so what if some of yus have dirty fingernails, or smell a bit? In my book that just means you're proper down-to-earth folk, like what I am, and like what all of the girls are...even Sarah!
So, if any of yez see me in the street, DO come over and say hi! I may look like I'm running away, but that's just cuz we're all so busy these days and that, y'knaa? Me minders are really sweet, actually, and almost never hurt anyone.
Thanks again!!!! I love yez!!!!
Note To Self: Apparently this last message has passed muster. IT HAD BETTER HAD. If anyone needs me I shall be in the Mirror Room...but don't THINK of disturbing me until the 'Do Not Disturb' sign has been taken off the door.
PS: Ashley, THIS MEANS YOU!
*Oh wait, hang on. It turns out that this ISN'T some hidden extract of Cheryl Cole's thinkings. In fact, the more you look at this, the more you realise it was probably made up. But who would do such a terrible thing? WHO? It's so hard to tell, isn't it?