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Ringtone From Hell - Glamorous

Fraser McAlpine | 17:59 UK time, Wednesday, 11 April 2007

PhonesRingtones...why are they so rubbish, eh? I mean you would think in this day and age that technology would have advanced far enough that you could get your phone to sound like your favourite song with the minimum of trouble, right?

WRONG! You either have to record your favourite bit of the song yourself using that built-in microphone - in which case you get a lot of hiss and crackle and it sounds like someone listening to their iPod at the bottom of a deep well - or learn how to edit songs down using technology (geeky!) or buy the 'synthesised' polyphonic version, which is always sort of...well it's a bit...I mean you can tell they try hard but...OH MY GOD THE POLYPHONIC RINGTONES ARE SO BAAAAD.

Thankfully help is at hand in the form of ChartBlog's newest service...the Ringtone From Hell Generator.

We take perfecltly innocent songs, and run them through our Ringtone From Hell mincing machine. The machine is made of old milk-bottles, discarded plastic pipes, bits of old clockwork, a dustbin, a swanee whistle, some keys, and loads of other bits of old junk which have been cunningly glued together according to an ancient blueprint known only to circus folk. If used correctly, the machine can take any song and re-cast it into a thing of beauty, a balm for the soul, and a massage for the ears. That's IF it's used correctly.

Naturally we've lost the manual and never bothered to read it. But hey-ho...

Anyway, we've decided to use it to create ringtones of almost NO commercial value, so that you, THE KIDS, can have the kind of ringtone which you truly deserve for FREE. The kind of ringtone that will make your friends stare whenever your phone goes off, no matter what the social occasion. The kind of ringtone which will get YOU noticed...and possibly slightly bullied.

In short, the kind of ringtone you must NEVER EVER put in your phone EVER. Or risk social exclusion, humiliation, and in some extreme cases, an eternity in Satan's steakhouse.

With that in mind. Please do not click on this link to hear the Ringtone From Hell of 'Glamorous' by Fergie. (Windows media only)

Ringtone From Hell - Glamorous by Fergie

And for the sake of your ETERNAL SOUL. DON'T download the mp3 version and put it anywhere near your phone.

Ringtone From Hell - Glamorous by Fergie (mp3 version)

You have been warned!


  1. At 12:19 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Sean wrote:

    Oh god, that's awful. But a step up from ringtones, obviously. I was charged a tenner for a 20-second excerpt of Biology once.

  2. At 01:18 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Danielle wrote:

    Considering the PC literacy of the majority of people who want to put ring tones on their phone (the yoof?), I don't consider the ability to edit one your self to be geeky. The majority of phones now have bluetooth - so once you've (illegally perhaps) downloaded your song, get a free to use sound package (if theres not something similar already on your PC), chop down the song into something smaller and bluetooth it over to your phone. 5 minutes tops.

    I'm a geek, but it has nothing to do with how easy that is. It doesnt cost £3 plus either. Or, pay ME and i'll do it....

    Failing that, download some tried and tested MIDI files and blue tooth those over to your phone instead.

    [Yeah, which brings us back to the rubbishness of polyphonic ringtones. MIDI files are even WORSE. Sorry for calling you a geek tho...even though you did it as well... - Fraser]

  3. At 10:14 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Sian wrote:

    Wow i hated that song anyway!!! But that's awful
    and yea polyphonic ringtones are rubbish and annoying!!!

    p.s. Got to say...Sean you were ripped off lol.

  4. At 11:00 AM on 13 Apr 2007, Danielle wrote:

    Thanks Fraser, I welcome a geek label :-)

    The best way to get good MIDI files is probably to know a bigger geek, who can create the MIDI files themselves and knows something about music. When i had a polyphonic phone I had Challenge Anneka on my phone - that was actually pretty decent. Although perhaps that shows my age more than my taste.

  5. At 07:45 PM on 14 Apr 2007, Jono Read wrote:

    Following this post by Fraser M, The Clangers have chosen to postpone their move in to the pop world and ringtone market. Suddenly the Nokia Tune is starting sound less annoying...

  6. At 09:08 PM on 14 Apr 2007, Rachel wrote:

    Haha i was once charged £3.00 for 5 seconds of McFLY....now, I hate their guts (i've turned rock n roll...think MCR and linkin park) and for some weird reason my phone has gone spazzy and i cant delete it..hmmm....
    anyway, bye people!

  7. At 12:35 AM on 18 Jul 2007, taylor wrote:

    that is bloody hilarious, how is it possible it can sound so bad?? ... or even pass as a ringtone for that matter lmao

  8. At 04:30 PM on 01 Sep 2007, Lucy wrote:

    Oh dear lord! Haha mind you ive heard worse! I cant believe ringtone complanies they are what i would put in room 101! Advertising songs which sound nothing like songs, then saying it costs like £6 a week coz its subscription and aiming it at 10-14 year olds and grrrrrrrrrrr it just does my head in! LuxXx

  9. At 01:25 AM on 10 Apr 2008, Josh wrote:

    That just NEARLY ruined one of the best songs...shows how much companies will do anything to make money..

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