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Review Haikus

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Fraser McAlpine | 03:53 UK time, Saturday, 2 December 2006

As any devotee of Japanese culture, poetry, or South Park will already know, a haiku is a kind of poem which has very strict rules. Traditionally, the classic haiku has three lines, the first line has 5 syllables, the second has seven and the third has five again. And if you think THAT'S complicated, you should really read the rules about what's considered to be a proper haiku and what isn't, which you can find on Wikipedia.

Anyway, due to the immense speed with which Christmas is bearing down upon us, and the fact that there's LOADS of albums that have come out recently which need making sense of for you, the pop massive, ChartBlog has decided to dispense our immense musical wisdom in poetic form (did anyone spot the internal rhyme in that sentence? Well done!).

Like this, for example:

Matt Willis - 'Don't Let It Go To Waste'Matt Willis - 'Don't Let It Go To Waste'
What once was Busted
Has now become fixed, (clever, eh?)
Croc knob, anyone?

or, more musically accurate...

Son of Dork, Fightstar
We know what Matt's interests are
Good job too, really


And there's PLENTY more where that came from, oh yes!


Take That - 'Beautiful World'Take That - 'Beautiful World'
Boyband sexpots, back
Lacks boyband sexpottery
I blame Coldplay, me

Hang on, there's more...

Where's the giddy thrills?
Surely you're not THAT old now?
Back For Good? Oh great.

Oh, and one last one, just for Mark Owen

Hey Mark, 'Shine' is ace
Why isn't the whole album
Flamboyant like that?



Snoop Dogg - 'Tha Blue Carpet Treatment'Snoop Dogg - 'Tha Blue Carpet Treatment'
Snoozy houndd wakes up
Remembers day job at last
Flow returns. Good Dogg!

REALLY starting to regret doing reviews like this now...

Who knew a thin bloke
Could knock Fiddy off his perch?
No guest fee too small



+44 - 'When Your Heart Stops Beating'+44 - 'When Your Heart Stops Beating'
How come all these bands
Have only got the one tune?
Smashing drummer, mind.

or, if you need more detail...

Tom Delonge, unmissed
Unbroken thing still unfixed
Old Blink sound unmatched



Akon - 'Konvicted'Akon - 'Konvicted'
Hip hop, only sung
Squeaky, like if Mickey Mouse
Had a huge crime sheet

And who says poetry is for swotty girls?

All novelty gone
Sweary tales of mean street life
Sweet voice, sour lyrics


If you're really lucky and ask nicely, I'll do The Game and Mary J Blige next time too....


  1. At 09:05 AM on 06 May 2007, Hifa Munaka wrote:

    I love Take That! They've really got back into buisness with Shine and Patience. Beautiful World, according to me and most other people, is the best album they've ever let out. No offence, but I think Robbie Williams leaving Take That is a good thing for them.
    All my love,

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