Rescue me...

Bryan Burnett | 17:42 UK time, Monday, 27 October 2008

There have been several times when I have felt I feel like being stretchered off after a particularly busy show, but this is the first time I have ended up in a stretcher before a show.
Over the weekend I was hosting a 'get fit for winter' event at a big outdoor shop ( I should point out that's a shop that sells outdoor gear and not a shop that just happens to be outside!) and among the guests were the Ochills Mountain Rescue team. The guys felt that in order to appreciate the work that they do I should spend a bit of time as a 'casualty'.
If we were allowed to run competitions then I would say this is a caption competition waiting to happen...

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1. At 6:02pm on 27 Oct 2008, DanielleFromCanada wrote:
Caption: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
I may be out of line here, but this reminds me of the contraption used to confine Hannibal Lecter.

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2. At 6:12pm on 27 Oct 2008, GardenPartyPaul wrote:
The last time I saw a DJ this scared was when Rod Hull & Emu confirmed for Sue Lawleys Desert Island discs show.. Just what is that man doing with his concealed right hand!?! Is he fishing out the red ribbon from amsterdam?

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3. At 6:18pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, the cryogenic chamber is ready."

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4. At 6:26pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "NO-ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

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5. At 6:27pm on 27 Oct 2008, janfromrutherglen wrote:
Caption :

Ah ready. Now....where is that french tickler?

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6. At 6:29pm on 27 Oct 2008, janfromrutherglen wrote:
I only said I would not play their GIO track!

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7. At 6:31pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Honest, Jeff - it wasn't my fault, it was VIC!"

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8. At 6:49pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

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9. At 6:52pm on 27 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
"I'm telling you they suggested Showaddywaddy"

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10. At 6:52pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Matey, THAT will teach you the difference between bicycle stands and toilets in Amsterdam!"

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11. At 6:59pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
Anything by Sister Sledge .....

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12. At 7:01pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
Is it a low budget re-make of the Wicker Man?

I thought you said burn it.

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13. At 7:04pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
Is this a ploy to distract attention from Jonathan Ross?

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14. At 7:06pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, we're next in the Joe 90 look-alike competition."

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15. At 7:06pm on 27 Oct 2008, peskymo wrote:
Caption: Bryan takes the suggestion to "Walk Like an Egyptian" a little too seriously....

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16. At 7:19pm on 27 Oct 2008, joethejamman wrote:
Are you sure I do the Luge this way up?

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17. At 7:19pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
"Right Gok, we're ready for you now."

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18. At 7:21pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
BBC introduce new controls after Russell Brand incident.

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19. At 7:29pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, prepare the ill-mannered, mutated sea bass..."

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20. At 7:33pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Oh my God, I hope they never show this on Have I Got News For You - Paul Merton will be merciless..."

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21. At 7:50pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
"Well, it really draws the eye away from those hips - doesn't it Trinny?"

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22. At 7:52pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Yes it does, but I'd rather see him in something pink..."

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23. At 7:56pm on 27 Oct 2008, janfromrutherglen wrote:
OK guys, I've paid my membership fee - now what?

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24. At 7:59pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, I've paid my membership fee - what happens now?"

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25. At 8:00pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
wow - great minds think alike!

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26. At 8:02pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Look, how many times do I need to tell you - it needs to be TIGHTER!"

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27. At 8:13pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
This should stop you getting frostbite in the Ochils.

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28. At 8:32pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK yes, Barbara - next time I will bring down the split pea soup for you PERSONALLY."

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29. At 8:42pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Hey - FONZ!"

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30. At 9:22pm on 27 Oct 2008, madmacfaeclydebank wrote:
For those old enough...

We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical...

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31. At 9:29pm on 27 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "There's... something on the wing! Damn it - I wish I had gone to Specsavers!"

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32. At 10:33pm on 27 Oct 2008, Kirsty from Killie wrote:
Yet again, Bryan is refused entry to the local Masonic ladies night.

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33. At 10:37pm on 27 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
LOl Kirstie - unless he has the band with him, that was funny!

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34. At 10:42pm on 27 Oct 2008, Scotch-git wrote:
Hit it, Igor!

HE LIVES! MY CREATURE LIVES!!

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35. At 11:07pm on 27 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
I knew I'd seen it before but I couldn't place it - it's Cardinal Richelieu in The Devils.

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36. At 11:35pm on 27 Oct 2008, Kirsty from Killie wrote:
Norrie, I thought that was Chicory Tip holding him up!

Check out the website, I think there's a resemblance between the resuers and two of the band!

BTW, Does anyone else remember Westlers Hot Dogs that you used to get at the pictures?

Don't know why that came into my head....

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37. At 11:41pm on 27 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
Kirst should we worry about the things that pop into your head....what ws it about Zippy you said - cold twanger? LOL! :p)

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38. At 00:00am on 28 Oct 2008, Kirsty from Killie wrote:
I'm sorry for the comment about Bungle's twanger (but WHY is he naked during the day then wears jammies to bed?!).

Since we're on the subject, 'What a Twanger!' would be a pretty good caption!

I'll get a proper job soon, honest.

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39. At 00:05am on 28 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
Ah it was Bungle! You are excused! That did make me laugh though!

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40. At 00:36am on 28 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "And now my two beautiful assistants will like this - not a lot..."

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41. At 06:08am on 28 Oct 2008, Scotch-git wrote:
'Fess up, Igor.
Where did you get the brain?

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42. At 06:55am on 28 Oct 2008, Scotch-git wrote:
Russell Brand ?!?

I've created a Star!

A MonStar!!!

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43. At 09:47am on 28 Oct 2008, banksy moon wrote:
Caption
................what do you mean " we've missed his mouth"!

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44. At 1:08pm on 28 Oct 2008, gabble_ratchet wrote:
Bryan shares a joke with the current and outgoing right worshipful masters of the BBC's Glasgow lodge of Masonic lodge after successfully completing ninth degree. The goat is not shown.

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45. At 1:22pm on 28 Oct 2008, Adam_from_Rio wrote:
"Mosely never said it would be like this!"

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46. At 4:27pm on 28 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, into room 101."

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47. At 4:49pm on 28 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "five, four, three, two, one......"

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48. At 4:56pm on 28 Oct 2008, saltspringsherri wrote:
this is what you get for saying "that would be good" one too many times, Brian.:)

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49. At 6:37pm on 28 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "That's what you get for playing Old Shep!"

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50. At 11:13pm on 28 Oct 2008, joethejamman wrote:
Once again Bryan Burnett goes to extraordinary lengths to avoid getting a round in.

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51. At 09:47am on 29 Oct 2008, JuliefromEdinburgh wrote:
It was the only way they could get Bryan to attend the BBC Pronounciation Unit's workshop on foreign song-titles.

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52. At 3:57pm on 29 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Guys, I promise if you let me go I will convince Barbara that a Splodgenessabounds night would be a good thing."

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53. At 7:13pm on 29 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Bernie? THE BOLT!"

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54. At 7:22pm on 29 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
"Has anybody seen the budgie?"

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55. At 7:27pm on 29 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
And, for those really long treks, there's our Ranulph Fiennes backpack

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56. At 7:34pm on 29 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
"Never mind that now, Bryan - there's a vacancy for Director General"

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57. At 7:54pm on 29 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "OK gents, the system has been successfully tested. Bring in Jonathon Ross..."

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58. At 8:00pm on 29 Oct 2008, GardenPartyPaul wrote:
This season we will mostly be wearing.......

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59. At 8:00pm on 29 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
Jim - Adam In Rio is going to have to get his solar powered Chairmans calculator out again. Looks about 50% of this blog to you, 25% to Glen Miller and I have a measely 10%.

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60. At 8:04pm on 29 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
My vote is for No. 10

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61. At 8:25pm on 29 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Yeah I like that one especially! LOL Who gives the prize? The BBC are officially ignoring this...

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62. At 8:34pm on 29 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
Jim it would seem its a White Carnation and a rolled up paper.

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63. At 8:36pm on 29 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Has anybody seen the rubber duck?"

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64. At 10:12pm on 29 Oct 2008, Scotch-git wrote:
No. 27 gets my vote.

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65. At 3:38pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Look, guys - I'm telling you... It really was THIS big!"

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66. At 9:17pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Bryan discovers, much to his consternation, that 'A Great Big Sled' by The Killers is a LOT more than just a song..."

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67. At 9:24pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Guys, I need somebody to insert coin to start..."

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68. At 10:25pm on 30 Oct 2008, Adam_from_Rio wrote:
Jim, like the decorator in Chewin the Fat says - thats enough now.

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69. At 10:32pm on 30 Oct 2008, Glen Miller wrote:
There's a rumour that there may be a CD as a prize now they've slashed Woss's salary from 18 to 17 million.

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70. At 11:05pm on 30 Oct 2008, Adam_from_Rio wrote:
I'm a big fan of JR, actually.
I think he's the best mind to mouth since Peter Cook. His Saturday morning radio show is a must listen for me.

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71. At 11:05pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Caption: "Guys, are you SURE the helmet covers up my comb-over?"

Thanks Adam.

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72. At 11:06pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Adam - He swears FAR TOO MUCH - it's not big and it's not clever.

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73. At 11:24pm on 30 Oct 2008, norriemaclean wrote:
I am with you on this one Adam, I dont watch him on telly but like his Sat mornings show, Andy Davies selects great muisc and Ros is slightkly irreverent but not too crude, not on that show anyway, might not be the case on other shows for all I know.

Phew that was a bit serious.

How did I forget to nominate Boo Hewerdine tonight?

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74. At 11:46pm on 30 Oct 2008, JimFraeErskine wrote:
Boo Hewerdine would have been a fantastic shout! And I could not help but notice that no monsters were mashed in the making of the programme... :-(

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75. At 06:31am on 31 Oct 2008, Scotch-git wrote:
My sisters tune in to Woss of a Saturday.
I refuse to cheat on Janice Forsyth.

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76. At 09:16am on 31 Oct 2008, Adam_from_Rio wrote:
You're spot on about the swearing Jim. Too many comedians on TV seem to rely on it to get cheap laughs instead of being creative and actually come up with something funny.
Not that I get to watch that much British TV over here, but I get the odd tape and dvd sent over.

Norrie - Andy Davies does a good job. He also has what must be one of the best jobs going!

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