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Lilian and Matt: as you like it

Sunday 26 May 2013, 10:40

Nickie L Nickie L

Since Matt discovered her affair, lots of you have been champing at the bit for philandering Lilian to get her comeuppance. Kim Durham, who plays Matt, reckons that Matt is hungry for Lilian to confess. But what would he do if she did?

She had the perfect opportunity in Friday's episode.

Take this scene in your own fantasy direction for a bit of Bank Holiday fun: high emotions, tears, unexpected revelations, escaped farm animals - whatever takes your fancy... Fan fic final

This is a fantasy feature - just for fun.


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    Comment number 1.

    Matt's in it for the long game - unless he actually loves his wife, something I doubt. Matt loves money and is a nasty sort. I think that he will keep pretending and then pull the rug from under Lillian. The stuff he has planned for Paul will hopefully backfire on him. I hope that Paul can get himself a therapist before he loses it completely. He's not exactly the "sharpest knife in the drawer" so to speak.

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    Comment number 2.

    I think that Matt does love Lilian but his inflated ego and risky behaviour will mean that he will have to have revenge. Something hideous in mind for Paul for starters - I may help!!

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    Comment number 3.

    Matt will lure Lilian and Paul by sending them texts purporting to be from each other arranging to meet in the old building they're converting. Matt will confront them there, shove them into a small room in the cellar and stand over Darrell, whom he is blackmailing over the dogfighting, while he bricks them in.

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    Comment number 4.

    Matt wont confront Lillian, he has too much to loose financially speaking.

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    Comment number 5.

    Personally I like Matt a lot more than Lillian. I think he loves her a lot and does not want to lose her. What he has planned for his brother Paul is anybody's guess but, whatever it is, Paul deserves and Lillian should be thankful that he is saving her form a relationship with a controlling nutter .

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    Comment number 6.

    LILIAN: Matt, there's something you should know....
    MATT: Yes, Puss?
    LILIAN: It's all such a mess, such a terrible mess. I can't believe I've been such a fool..
    MATT: Tell me.
    LILIAN: I blame myself. I've been so distracted, I took my eye off the ball.
    MATT: Blimey, Puss. You're not talking about the Single Wicket Competition are you?
    LILIAN: No, No of course not! This is much more serious.
    MATT: OK. Why don't you just start at the beginning.
    LILIAN: (TAKES DEEP BREATH) Well, you know the Paper Mill?
    MATT: Of course.
    LILIAN: I didn't look, didn't read the small print....in a way, I blame Brenda.
    MATT: That's often the way, with you.
    LILIAN: Anyway, Matt, the thing is. It's actually a paper mill.
    MATT: Talk sense, Pusscat. I know that. Of course it was.
    LILIAN: No, Matt. You don't understand. It's actually made of paper. It's...useless. I'm going to have to call in an origami expert. The only thing we can convert it to, as far as I can see, is paper airplanes.
    MATT: (COUGHS, CHOKES) Whaaaat!!?
    LILIAN: It's true. I'm so sorry. Oh, and by the way, I've been having an affair with your half-brother who seemed charming at the start but now seems to be turning into a crazed bunny-boiler.
    MATT: Oh, Puss. You big silly. It doesn't matter, we'll get over it. Let's disappear to Istanbul until the heat dies down. I'll order a concrete overcoat for Paul and we'll blame the whole mess on Brenda.
    LILIAN: Tiger! My hero.

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    Comment number 7.

    Had only Lillian made it crystal clear from the start that she'd never leave Matt,then the story wouldn't be interesting...Have to say that i were Matt,i'd leave the lady and move on.Worked for me!

  • rate this

    Comment number 8.

    This plot is getting more intense by the episode. I think prior to all these recent developments, Matt had taken Lilian for granted and wanted to make things right after discovering how much she means to him. So it cuts deep that he finds out that she is playing away and therefore wants her to be caught out in his presence to humiliate her especially as he now knows the other party is his hated brother Paul.

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    Comment number 9.

    Think Paul should kidnap Lilian now he fears she is wanting to finish the affair. He tricks her to go to their flat where he traps her and refuses to let her go. He throws her phone down the toilet. Lilian is really frightened.
    Matt realises Lilian hasnt come home and her phone isnt working. He gets a gang of his buddies to go with him to the flat and breaks open the door, finding lilian cowering in a corner - a fight breaks out - Matt carries lilian out - her hero. Matt proposes to Lilian and lilian accepts with her honeymoon in Istanbul.

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    Comment number 10.

    Why do Matt and Paul think the old lush is worth fighting over? Lillian AKA Fagash and Puffing Lilly cackles like a witch,is self-centered, over-pampered ,smokes like a bonfire and drinks like a fish.

    What's to like about the raddled wizened lying scheming slut ?

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    Comment number 11.

    I believe that Matt will 'see off' Paul and simply resume his relationship with Lilian as if nothing had happened. Whether that's possible remains to be seen.

    Paul seems to have been straining at the leash of late, desperate for Lilian to leave Matt - and I've half expected him to approach Matt and spill the beans, in the hope that Matt will dump Lilian and Paul can get what he wants (until he moves on to his next obsession, that is). Now that Matt (in his mind) has the 'upper hand', Paul has lost that edge. His only chance of winning Lilian seems to be by her leaving Matt - which I can't see happening.

    If I had to predict the outcome, I'd suggest that Paul gets 'frightened off', goes running to Lilian, who will then confront Matt and confess all. After a brief separation, they (Tiger & Pusscat) will decide they can't live without one another, and the memory of Paul will be confined to the mists of time, with Lilian forever grateful to Matt for forgiving her.

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    Comment number 12.

    Kidnaps, literal paper mills, a proposal, more Brenda harrassment and LadyA joins forces with Matt to take revenge... What. an. episode.

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    Comment number 13.

    I love Lilian! Matt's no saint, they're perfect for each other. This affair will show them how much they have to lose.
    Paul is a complete nutter (there's been a massive volte face from the caring kind Paul who came to the hospital I have to say.....).
    I have been completely captivated by this storyline. It's been as good as the Brian/Siobhan affair.
    (Does this make me prurient and shallow I wonder?!)

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    Comment number 14.

    Its such a complicated situation and there are no clear villians or saints. Lillian began the affair because she was fed up with Matt's dishonest dealings. Now she's beginning to discover Paul is just as dishonest in a different way. I fear she may end up with no-one. If she discovers Matts revenge then it will probably just drive another wedge between her and Matt. She is so close to ending it with Paul though that I hope she does without any further complications.
    ...And there is always the possibility that Matt could realise what he could lose in Lillian which could be the making of him.
    Still... life... and the Archers, is often more complicated than the happy ending I might hope for

  • rate this

    Comment number 15.

    Matt "Puss Cat,he's only dead cos i love you,you so must see that"

    Lillian" Frankly,Tiger,i don't give a dam.Now where's me ciggies? "

    Pip "Whateva"

  • rate this

    Comment number 16.

    LILIAN: That, oh it was Jenny. I'll call her back later.
    MATT: Oh no puss. That's the third call in ten minutes, she must be desperate. Call her back.....
    LILIAN: ... Chris from Edgware finance called, did ....
    MATT: Let me call Jenny for you ...(REACHES FOR LILLIAN’S PHONE)
    LILIAN: NO!.... er no. It's ...
    MATT: Oh, OK touchy ....What did Chris say?
    LILIAN: Chris who...?
    MATT: Chris from Edgware finance.
    LILIAN: OH yes darling. He said to tell you the deal was done. Better rate than expected.
    MATT: Oh Great, ......good news puss, We'll enjoy a good day at the races out of this deal
    LILIAN: oh, Tiger, I love it when your roar.
    MATT: The thrill of the chase Lillian, the smell of the blood after the kill, I love business...
    LILIAN: Yes? ....yes...I'm sure you know best.
    MATT: Bye!. (HANGS UP PHONE) Bad news Lillian.
    MATT: That loser brother of mine has had an accident.
    LILLIAN: What? Paul?
    MATT: Apparently a mad woman ran him over with a car. Shelia somebody.......
    LILLIAN: Not Celia, the conniving bitch....?
    MATT: Yeah that’s it. Celia. went to his house apparently and Paul’s latest tart was coming out. Silly cow pretended to be his girl friend or some such. Celia stormed off and waited for him in the car.
    LILLIAN: No, that can’t be right, I mean, I spoke to him .....
    MATT: what?
    LILLIAN: It can’t be ... It just can’t be. He was...
    MATT: ...Well, infidelity does strange things to people.
    MATT: Perhaps she paid someone to get rid of him. Mad cow. Still, thinking of him in hospital with a broken spine, maybe he got what was coming to him.
    LILLIAN: That’s a horrible thing to say.
    MATT: Mmmm, Well.....
    LILLIAN: Life can be so cruel.
    MATT: Well puss, What do you fancy? A night in with a bottle of bubbly?

  • rate this

    Comment number 17.

    Paul thinks he is losing Lillian and turns up at the Dower House unexpectantly and Matt is there. Paul is desperate and a little out of touch with reality and thinks if he confronts Matt with the truth Lillian will leave Matt to be with him.

    It quickly turns into a stand-off between Matt and Paul and Pusscat is left to lick her wounds. Tiger sees Pusscat as a victim with Paul wanting to hurt Matt. Matt, of course, makes it all about himself and that Pusscake has simply been manipulated by the evil Paul. Matt is planning something very nasty for Paul and he has Pusscat back where he wants her - feeling guilty and a little pathetic.

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    Comment number 18.

    Has anyone else noticed how dramatically Paul's accent has changed. When he first appeared on the scene he was quite well spoken. We are now hearing rather a lot of "glottal stops". Has someone else taken over the part?

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    Comment number 19.

    Hang on just a cotton pickin' minute ... How do you all know Paul is Matt's half brother? Must admit - I'm a relatively new listener - but honestly, how did I miss that?

  • rate this

    Comment number 20.

    Hels is right. Paul does sound a lot less well spoken since he turned out to be a possessive liar. As a great fan of Matt's (a much more interesting character than most of the other Ambridge residents in my opinion), I hope he wreaks a suitably interesting revenge on his slimy half brother.


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