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My Five Worst Films Of The Year...So Far

Friday 29 June 2012, 14:58

Mark Kermode Mark Kermode

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Here is the second half of my mid-term report in which I reveal the five worst films I've seen in 2012.

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Related Posts on Kermode Uncut
My top five films of the year so far...

Mark's reviews on 5 live
Piranha 3DD

The Devil Inside

John Carter

Hear Mark Kermode review the week's new films every Friday from 2pm on BBC Radio 5 live. Kermode & Mayo's Film Review is also available as a free podcast to download and keep.

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  • rate this
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    Comment number 1.

    Not available in my area? Please elaborate BBC. Not available in ENGLAND? Not available in Hampshire? Be more specific.

  • rate this
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    Comment number 2.

    Moonrise Kingdom. Maybe I'm just not the target audience for Wes Anderson movies, but I went into this with an open mind, not having seen any of his films before, and being excited about the cast (Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Ed Norton and two promising young leads). I really didn't like it at all. Some of the kid stuff was ok I guess, but I thought everyone scene with Ed Norton in was over-indulgent, the last section which I will not describe so as not to spoil it for anyone, a complete dogs dinner, and the camera work - especially in the opening scene - more pretentious than original. I listened to Mark's review after where he seemed to agree about the film being extremely twee and kooky, although I don't think he disliked it as much as I did.

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    Comment number 3.

    Mark's going to hate me for this, and I know he said 5, but the film I've hated more than most is Iron Sky. It's not witty; it's not clever; it wasn't even a fun throw back to the schlock that inspired it. It was just crap in every way. At 30 minutes in I was really struggling and if I wasn't in company, I would have bailed on it.

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    Comment number 4.

    My bottom five was a bit tougher however here goes-

    5- Strippers Vs. Werewolves- after the films flop at the cinema the film preorder price went from £12.99 to £6.00, says it all.

    4- Mirror Mirror- Pointless

    3- Wrath of the Titans- Utterly pointless

    2- Battleship- D4 you sunk my faith in the film industry

    1- W/E- Utter Utter drivel, If Madonna hadn't gone on every talk show about how great it was and historically accurate I might have enjoyed it as a subversive comedy. How else can a writer call its modern female lead Wally Winthorp and keep a straight face.

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    Comment number 5.

    Can't really mention a bottom five because I learnt a long time ago that if the film looks awful, than what's the point of spending time and hard earned cash chasing after such tripe. The only times when an awful looking film turned out to be an amusing pleasure were;

    Basic Instinct 2 (and I'm sure the good Doctor will back me up here)
    AND
    Taken (Sure it has plot holes the size of the Black Hole of Calcutta, but hey its enjoyable)

    Pretty surprised that Battleship and Wrath of Titans weren't on the list. However I do have to point out in regards to W.E. Always wondered how dire the film truly is, and I finally got my answer: Oscar Issacs' facial expression in the clip used says it all. Talking of dire, did Deviation even get a cinema release? I've heard of Act of Valour, which also came and went, but never heard of Dire's latest opus.

    Final note; Prometheus. I'm really annoyed that Fox are releasing the Blu-Ray in Decemeber, a full two months AFTER the U.S. release. Didn't Fox release the film in the U.K. a week before than the U.S. Surely Murdoch can't be that vicious?!

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    Comment number 6.

    Is Danny Dyer ever going to make a film that is even half way p**s poor?

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    Comment number 7.

    1: A Dangerous Method. If anyone had told me a film about Sigmund Freud and featuring a sadomasochistic relationship would be so boring, i would've said they were mad. This film is so un-engaging i saw it in the morning and still fell asleep.

    2: Once Upon a Time in Anatolia. I'm sorry Mark, i've never walked out of a film, but half an hour before the end i was so un-engaged and thinking "ol just end already" i did consider bailing. I stuck it out to the end but gained nothing.

    3: Elles. Whilst not as bad as Sleeping Beauty (the absolute worst film of 2011) this fell into the same trap of having little or nothing to say about its subject. Which begs the question why make a film about it?

    4: Free men. This had an interesring premise but thats it, there was no suspence no tension and no sense of danger. A missed opportunity.

    I have not seen any of the titles on Mark's list but was going to see The Devil Inside until i noticed that the average user rating on the Vue website was one star and reading the responses i think Kermode was kind in his review. Given the number of people who said Kermode was wrong about John Carter i'm surprised it didn't feature on anyones top 5 list. Mark i know Andrew Stanton was a bit chippy when you interviewed him, but worst of the year so far?

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    Comment number 8.

    The worst film I've seen (and I know I'm not the target demographic for this) was the Hunger Games. Absolute dross from start to finish, even my girlfriend who'd read and liked the books found it dull. Other notable rubbish include:

    The Pact - even the non stop nipple erection of the main character couldn't make this interesting.

  • rate this
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    Comment number 9.

    "Who's Driving the Boat 2" comes out in October.

  • rate this
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    Comment number 10.

    I quite enjoyed John Carter from Barsoom. Perhaps it helps that I went in with my expectations dragging along the floor, both from reviews and the trailer which frankly looked brown and boring, but the film itself caught my interest and I had no problem sitting through it. IMDB currently has it rated at 6.8 and I'd say that's about right.

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    Comment number 11.

    My Bottom 5 of this this year so far:

    5. Snow White and Huntsman - Apart from the hilariously bad dwarves (From stoner Bob Hoskins to Ray Winston doing the usual Cockney geezer) the rest of it was just awful drivel. Examples of how bad it is: Kristen Stewart's one facial expression, the cringe worthy heart of the forest scene, Charlize Theron's far far over the top acting, all with a script that even Shyamalan would have gone "what the hell?" at - "The iron may melt, but it writhes within itself" What the hell are you one about!!

    4. Martha Marcy May Marlene - Sometimes withholding information in a film creates suspense, holding too much just makes it confsing and boring. You have no idea why she left home, how she ended up at the cult, why is she at the cult, it's even unclear as to why she left it. I mean bloody hell, it took an hour to figure out the woman she was staying with was her sister. It's also got one of the slowest fade-to-black I've ever seen in a film and one of the worst lines and worst delivery of it -"You'd make a terrible mother." If I was any unsettled Dr K it was because I was so bored by it.

    3. The Pact - It had the dream house problem of wanting to be a few stories in one. It wasn't scary and just plain boring. Also there's no need for the slow motion dream sequence, it looked like it was just there because they could do it.

    2. Chronicle - The main character was a dweeb, The father was too nasty to be believable and I hate all these found footage films now and especially this one! I hated it! It would have been my number 1, but if not for...

    1. The Hunger Games - What get's more about this is that everyone else liked it. I won't go on about (did that in the top 5 films response), but basically, the book is up there with twilight as how bad a book can be written. It's boring. I had no intrest at all in the characters. I wented them all to be dead by the end. The shakey "IT'S GRITTY" camera, the costumes and the cutting to Stanley Tucci and Toby Jones in the TV studio just to tell you what something is. I feel extremely depressed by the fact that's goning to be 3 more films of this, which sound if anything even worse.

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    Comment number 12.

    Battleship. Unbearably long, boring, stupid and uninspired. I never thought I'd see a worse film at the cinema than Transformers 2, but here it is.

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    Comment number 13.

    There are two films on the Good Doctor's list that I can say without a shadow of a doubt are of no discernible merit (those are The Devil Inside and Piranha 3DD). There is, however, one film that I would describe as decent, earnest, pleasantly enjoyable popcorn entertainment. That film is John Carter.

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    Comment number 14.

    Someone has to say it. Prometheus is the worst film released this year so far. Complete dreck.

  • rate this
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    Comment number 15.

    I'm surprised you didn't put Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in 3D on the list, the most useless film of the year.

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    Comment number 16.

    5. Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance - So dull that the only scene I can remember is where he wees fire. Seriously bad.

    4. This Means War - Not a single laugh. A series of hateful characters doing hateful things. Such a waste of Tom Hardy.

    3. The Sitter - The "Oscar-nominated" Jonah Hill doing what he does best: being crap in a crap comedy with a crap script, a crap premise and crap characters. Crap.

    2. The Devil Inside - For turning the demonically possessed into stand-up comedians who spout heckle put-downs. It plays out almost like a spoof of The Exorcist: and not a good one. I won't even bother with the ending... because they didn't.

    1. Jack And Jill - Just dirge. Complete dirge. I can tolerate the fact that Adam Sandler was awful, but look what they did to Al Pacino. Criminal.

  • rate this
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    Comment number 17.

    Well, again, since it's entirely subjective - and baring in mind I get don't see as many bad films as the Doctor and save my money for things I genuinely want to see:

    5. The Innkeepers
    4. Corpo Celeste
    3. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
    2. Le Havre
    1. Red Tails

  • rate this
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    Comment number 18.

    5. Haywire - Soderbergh makes a total hash of this movie with Gina Carano delivering one of the most wooden performances in cinematic history, the movie should have gone quicker and been a bit more action packed rather than trying to play it safe and make it tedious at the same time

    4. Man on a Ledge - Even before one enters the cinema, you would think just for once they would actually make the movie sound wonderful by promoting it with such good posters just as this one had but the minute you realise that Sam "Wooden" Worthington is in it, it beggers belief that this movie actually got good reviews even though I wasn't sure what to make of it. An absolute mess, boring and just plain awful

    3. This Means War - It's a great plot for a romantic comedy, one genre which I enjoy, but this movie was so incredibly bad that one might have thought that a credible actor of Tom Hardy's nature would have passed on this rather than make this a low for him after such a strong run of outstanding movies

    2. Wrath of the Titans 3D - Awful acting (not too sure if it was acting or if they were just wanting the day to end so they could get there paycheck), cliched action, boring plot....not even sure why they even made it in the first place...Even I could have rehashed it into a 15 rated movie and made the 3D better

    1. Men in Black 3D - The most drivel, boring, tedious, cliched and unfunny movie I've ever seen from Will Smith in years. At a cost of $215m, you would have expected a longer running time, better 3D but most of all, Smith to turn in a comic performance which we as humans would want to laugh at....how hard can that be? Apparently, extremely hard with this garbage

  • rate this
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    Comment number 19.

    Bottom movies:
    5. Polish Roulette
    4. The Iron Lady
    3. Wrath of the Titains
    2. Cosmopolis
    1. The Sitter

  • rate this
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    Comment number 20.

    What 9barr said: Prometheus stinks worse than the river Thames. A more crushing disappointment of a movie I cannot bring to mind. Yes, the opening sequence was suitably bizzarre and RoboFassbender was great, but the rest...dear oh dear oh dear. Script? - was there one?
    Would someone please dispatch a bounty hunter to 'retire' the replicant Scott before he deposits a vat load of manure over the rest of his sci-fi legacy with the (apparently) imminent Blade Runner sequel. Don't Ridley. Just don't!

 

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My Top Five Films Of The Year...So Far

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Outspoken, opinionated and never lost for words, Mark is the UK's leading film critic.

This twice-weekly video blog is the place where he airs his personal views on the things that most fire him up about cinema - and invites you to give your own opinions.

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