Update #31 The Pros and Cons of Going to Heaven
Matt has posted a list.
Adam reckons that when we finally figure out who killed me a door will appear. And then I'm supposed to step through to heaven or something. Which makes me feel a bit weird. I started thinking - do I really want to go? I sort of asked Christa about it and she said I should make a list, with all the positives and negatives. She called it a Christalist. But because I'm doing it I'm calling it a Mattlist.
Reasons to Go
1) Food. It seems like it's everywhere I look and I can't eat it anymore. I know you wouldn't think I was obsessed with food to look at me.(That was a joke) But it wasn't so much eating I loved, it was the taste of things. Waffles. Smoked chicken. Chilli sauce. Eggs Benedict. Maybe they'll have eggs I can actually eat in heaven. Imagine that - a whole room full of pickled eggs in heaven just for me. There's a reason to go, right there.
2) I'm always going to look exactly like this. I always thought that when I became an adult I'd join a gym and get buff and win over all the girls that used to laugh at me. But I'm never going to become an adult now. And there's no point joining a gym, unless I just want everyone to freak out because a rowing machine is working on its own. And even if I could buff up, none of the girls who used to laugh at me could see me anymore. Unless I go round killing them all, just to help them see me. (That was another joke. I'm not going to kill anyone.)
3) I shouldn't even be here anyway. Imagine if everyone who'd ever died, all the way back to caveman times, just hung around like me. Ghosts of Romans and Vikings and Hippies. You wouldn't be able to move without putting your elbow through someone. Everyone would just walk around shivering going "Someone just walked over my grave." all the time. In fact you'd probably stop saying it because you'd just think that's how life was. Shivery.
Reasons to Stay
1) The Supernatural Monster Squad. Adam and Christa are the best friends I've ever had. And the fact that they don't even like me that much should tell you something about the quality of friends I'm used to. It feels a bit weird to say it but we've had a good laugh trying to figure out who killed me.
2) I've got a few box sets I need to finish. I don't know if can handle the idea of going to heaven until I know who River Song is.
3) I've got a bunch of stuff I want to do. Down here. On Earth. Although I am in two minds about all this, because it might be the case that all of this stuff is also available in heaven, in a much better shinier form. And I might spend years doing the cruddy version down here, only to discover when I get to heaven that it's all also there. But better. Which would suck.
4) Christa. That's what I think about the most when I think about crossing over. I've been obsessed with her for such a long time, the idea of just waving goodbye feels weird. It's not only how I feel about her, I think she needs us a lot more than she lets on. I had a crazy idea the other day, that maybe my unfinished business is not just to find my killer, it's also to win Christa over.
If that's the case I think I'm going to be here for quite a while.