Gemma's Five Steps To Fame
Meet Gemma. Gemma wants to be famous more than anything else in the world and she dreams of a life of glamour, glitz and Grazia beyond the dales of Yorkshire.
In our new programme The Gemma Factor, you can follow her exploits as she beats a relentlessly optimistic path towards the big time.
So for all you aspiring starlets, here are Gemma's Five Steps to Fame
- Always, always look the part. If you look like you've just stepped out of Heat or Grazia it's only a matter of time until you get in there. Jeff made me a copy of Lady Gaga's Brit Awards outfit which went down a storm at the Trades Club in Lumb. It was a little hard to dance, drink, walk or go to the loo but people def thought I was famous.
- Be prepared! Fame can hit at anytime. You might bump into Simon Cowell in a club in Manchester SO practice, practice, practice. I concentrate on red carpet walks, big brother entries, falling out of clubs wearing no pants, ice skating and eating gross insects ready for my stint in the jungle.
- V IMPORTANT!!! As well as Heat and Grazia, read the sports section of The Sun everyday and memorise all the footballers' names so if any chance meetings occur you are ready to introduce yourself and make them fall in love and marry you (read 'Why Men Love Bitches' by Sherry Argov for advice on how to do this). Swot up on all the WAGS (where they go, what they eat/ all the things they don't, their favourite designers) so you can impress them on girly shopping trips away. Finally, google the offside rule and if you still don't get it, get a hot boy to explain it in the pub (be warned they might think you're interested in football asking this question so my advice is to make a sharp exit after he's finished explaining).
- Adopt a foreign baby from a really poor country like Zurich.
- Document everything about your life. Diary, YouTube, Facebook, Myspace and if poss get your friend to follow you round with a camera so your 'Road to Fame' documentary is ready to go when you hit the big time. Think about names for your books and perfume endorsements and an outfit for your fitness DVD. Work out your tragic life story for reality TV auditions and practice to the camera. Real tears are always a winner. See Katy Price's Piers Morgan interview and Heather Mills on GMTV for research.
I hope this advice is helpful and I'll see you all in Chinawhites very soon
Love Gemma :) xxx
Written by Anna Gilthorpe who stars as Gemma Collinge.
The Gemma Factor starts on Tuesday 9th March at 10.30pm.
So what do you think of Gemma's guide? Do you have any top tips for preparing for fame and fortune?