Countdown to the Third Test (from a hostel in Perth)
Greetings from a country obsessed with the thought that a coveted item is about to leave the country. Yes, there is widespread sadness that Oprah Winfrey's whistle stop tour of Oz has come to an end. It's been the main news item across the board - maybe just as well for them, given what has happened in the Ashes.
So what am I doing here? Well, in perhaps the most surprising Ashes call up since Peter Taylor in 1987, I was phoned on Friday and asked if I could report on fans in Perth.
I've only managed one sleep since Matt Cardle was crowned X Factor champion three days ago, and it could be difficult getting any shuteye tonight, such is the anticipation. England are one win away from regaining The Ashes here in Perth.
Aussies are frightened. Indeed, the one I put on Breakfast this morning to illustrate this used rather unfortunate terminology to describe just how nervous he was. I had to apologise on air for the second time in four days - I knew Shaun Ryder was a risk, but not a cricket-loving stockbroker.
I have been here 15 hours. The last person I saw on the front of the tabloids at Heathrow was also the first person I saw at the WACA, because coming out of a commentary box was Shane Warne. I almost blurted out "Well done" without thinking.
The highlight of my day has been arriving too early for my hotel room, straight from the airport and being asked to return later only to find that it had been given away and the hotel was now full. I write this from the local hostel (the one remaining room in the whole city), an establishment where towels have to be hired and sheets are an added extra.
Just scoffed a delicious kangaroo pie, had dinner with the 5 live team (Mark Pougatch has come through the England v Australia press football match), and had a natter with Alec Stewart in the street. Apparently Perth Glory's Robbie Fowler turned up to watch the nets today. First time for a while he's found the back of a net.
Right, time to collapse. My first hour of tomorrow will be spent on the last hour of tonight's Tony Livesey show.
Hoping for a swear-free broadcast. I've had enough dashes for one Ashes.
The perils of the Test Match Special nightshift - Kevin Howells on emergency commentary