Wittertainment's Cinema Code of Conduct
In this week's edition of Mark and Simon's film review programme Dr Mayo suggested cinemas should adopt a Code of Conduct. Mark agreed and his initial rules were no kicking, no talking and no texting.
This prompted a load of texts and emails from listeners. Here's a selection of what came in today. Have a look and leave a comment to suggest your own and we'll discuss further in future shows.
First the emails...
My rule would be no Brit should have to watch a film in the States. On holiday many years ago my wife and I saw went to see Indecent Proposal in a small cinema near Lake Tahoe. Maybe O'm being unfair but all the locals talked throughout the movie and mainly due to needing to explain to their partners was happening. It wasn't the most complicated film and I really couldn't see the need.
Rob from Bewdley
In relation to your list of cinema dos and don'ts, how about a ban on the person sitting next to you fidgeting impatiently because you aren't responding to the film in the way he thinks you should be? Could read "No exasperated gasping at the other spectators".
Dr Linda Ruth Williams
People should not be allowed in late. It is bad enough when they disturb the audience to reach their seat during the trailers, which for me are an integral part of the cinema going experience. But to walk in after the main feature has started is unforgiveable. Cinemas should not allow anyone in after the film has started, just as they are supposed to do in the theatre.
No burritos. Once I arranged to meet my girlfriend in the cinema and would sort us out something to eat as we hadn't had any tea. I usually smuggle in chocolate peanuts and bottled fizzy drink. However this time I was in a rush and the first thing I spotted was the local burrito takeaway... I couldn't wait to see the delight on my girlfriend's face as I fulfilled my male hunter gatherer responsibilities. Once sat down the look of delight soon turned into a look of horror as I passed her a hot, steamy burrito wrapped in tin foil. I can only imagine what the people behind me were thinking as I was concentrating too hard on trying to eat a burrito wrapped in tin foil quietly, without spilling. But the worst thing must have been the hot, meaty smell which was terrorising the people sat near us. Even though the burrito was rather tasty we only managed to eat half of it and at that point I vowed never to take hot food into the cinema again.
Steve Worsley BSc Computer Science, Grade 1 in drums
No snoring. Before becoming expats in the land of cuckoo clocks and chocolate Huffy and I would frequent the wonderful Picture House in Exeter. No matter what film or what showing (even the 11am showing of Creature of the Black Lagoon 3D) there would be a snorer. I could understand it in Titanic but not Creature. At our local IMAX (Verkehrhaus Luzern) they have a little trailer in German about cinema etiquette at the end of the list of no eating, talking, using mobiles it says "Kissen ist nicht Verboten, naturalich" (kissing is not forbidden, of course) followed by two frogs kissing which is course followed by the lots of loud lip action and giggling and from my kids (ahh mum do you have to!) but then it goes nicely quiet. This could be that the Swiss are polite rule abiding people or that they know that they will get an intermission , yes, an intermission right in the middle of the film with no care for suspense of the film.
I live in Warsaw in Poland and we do have cinemas with bigger sits, or more specifically, screens with large, first class-like leather chairs. It is enormously comfortable to be able to watch a movie without anyone disturbing you with kicking etc. Sure, tickets are about 30% more expensive, but that guarantees that only movie fans will be in the audience and a movie fan understands that you are not supposed to tweet, talk or eat loudly during a showing of a movie, so it is a win-win situation.
And now the texts...
No slurping drinks - Dave Jones, Bristol
No laser pens, any transgression may result in the offender being force fed the same pen. - Dan (Tyneside Cinema regular )
No sitting in front of people if you're tall... No saying "what was it he was in?" and no singing along with the Pearl & Dean tune, and no saying how much Revels are in Tesco. - Jade
No pretentious guffaws at poor lines of dialogue - Jonathan in Sheffield
No shaking of ice cubes when at the bottom of your drink. - Max the Axe
Zero tolerance of people taking off there shoes and making other members of the audience endure their foot odour! - Neil in Guildford
No Knitting. - David Sower. Bromley, Kent.
So, what are your suggestions?
UPDATE - Friday 3 December
You can now watch the Code of Conduct in spectacular Witter-vision on the Kermode Uncut blog.
Live streaming viewers may know David Braithwaite as one of the gentlemen peering into the studio from the production booth each week.