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24 September 2014
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Black Country Humour
Black Country jokes
Black Country jokes
Aynuk and Ayli comedy duo are Black Country fictional characters. Take a look at a couple of jokes using typical Black Country Dialect
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More about the Black Country dialect

Black Country vocabulary

About the Black Country

2006 update:
Find out more about the dialect and add your comments

FACTS

- The Black Country covers Walsall, Wolverhampton, Dudley and Sandwell.

- The name Black Country comes from the industrial history of the area.

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JOKE ONE :

Ayli was late for work and the gaffer asked him where he had been.

Ayli: "I've been to 'av me 'air cut."

Gaffer: "In the firm's time?"

Ayli: "Well it grows in the firm's time, doh it?"

Gaffer: "It doh all grow in the firm's time!"

Ayli: "I day 'av it all cut off !"

JOKE TWO:

Aynuk was walking down the road when a dirty and dishevelled man rushed up to him and said.

"Have you seen a lorry load of pigs go by?"
"No" , said Aynuk, "ave yo' dropped off ?"

JOKE THREE:

Ayli went along to a parents' night at his nipper's school.

"How's our Tommy comin' on?" he asked the teacher.
"Well," came the reply, "he's in a class of his own."
Ayli was chuffed. "I day know 'e was that clever."
"Oh he's not," said the teacher, "but he smells!"

YOUR JOKES:

Aynuk and Ayli are standing in Aynuks back garden, Aynuks next door neighbour is running up and down his back garden pretending he's riding a motorbike, Ayli says, whats up wi im?, Aynuk says, tek no notice he's saft in the yed he thinks he's in the Isle o mon in the TT rerces. Ayli says, but he ay got a bike yo orter tell him, bugger off says Aynuk he pays me a fiver a wik to clean it.

Dave Clark, Shropshire

Aynuk and Ayli had had an argument and hadn't spoken to each other for over a month. One day Aynuk see's Ayli walking towards him on the opposite side of the road and being the more Forgiving calls to him, is that yo Ayli, a voice comes back, no it ay, Aynuk say's well bugger yer then This ay me neither.

Dave Clark, Shropshire

Ayli sees Aynuk in a railway cutting sprinting along in front of a train. Ayli : Hey Aynuk. Why don't yer run up the bonk? Aynuk : If I cor bayt it on the straight I cor bayt it up the bonk!

Hugh Knight

When is a hosepipe like a metal box? When it's a-squaretin'.

Posh lady to boy. "will your dog bite me if I stroke him?" "No Missus," The lady stroked the dog ,which promply bit her. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" "This ay mar dog!"

Geoff Jones. Halesowen

Aynuk and Ayli were sat on Bondi Beach in Australia when a big sun bronzed Aussie comes by with a surfboard under his arm, Ayli says to Aynuk weers e gooin with that plank, Aynuk says, that ay a plank it's a surfboard, what's it for says Ayli, yo watch says Aynuk. The Aussie jumps on the board and paddles out, he catches a huge wave which knocks him straight off and dumps him and the board back on the beach in a big heap. Ayli says to Aynuk what did yo say that plank was called, it ay a plank says Aynuk it's a surfboard Ayli says, well it doe look very serf to me.

Dave Clark Broseley Shropshire (Ex Coseley)

True conversation I heard between my two black country friends Ian and Tina (some years ago now!)

Ian: Tay, I wont me tay!
Tina: Yow Cor av ya tay, it tay tay time!

Leighton, Halesowen

Aynock always thought their Aylie was in need of a little ferther education so decided he would tek im to the big city, Bermingham.

Aynock took him round the city explainin what building was what and the local history attached to them. Eventually they arrived at Victoria Suare and by this time Aylies brain wus in a right spin, suddenly Aylie turned and saw the large building and said to Aynock ‘is thet a palace our kid ‘, naa seys Aynock, that’s the Council House. ****** hell ses Aylie I’ve got me name down for one of them.

Graham Pugh

White van man to pedestrian:
S'cuse me mate does yow now if there's a B & Q in Wolverhampton?

Pedestrian:
Sorry mate oi don't, but I nows theres 2 D's in Dudley

Kev
South African Black Country convert

Aynuk: Wots the difference between a buffalo and a bison
Ali: Dow now mate
Aynuk: You cor wash yer onds in a buffalo

Jackie Mann,Wolverhampton

Aynuk builds himself a new pen for his chickens. He asks Ayli to come and have a look at it.

Well yome med a bostin job on it ar kid says Ayli,

Aynuk says ar it ay bad except that the roof leaks.

Ayli notices that Aynuk has put a wire netting roof on the pen,

No wonder it leaks says Ayli yo ay put no slope on it.

Dave Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley)

During the war, a British General visited an Army Hospital of the South Staffordshire Regiment.
Sensing a doom and gloom atmosphere he tried to rally the men by asking "Now
you men didn't come here to die did you?" To which Aynuk and Ayli replied " Na
sur, way booth coomd ere yesterdie."

Grahame Newman

What do they call "Toys -R- Us in Dudley ?
Answer "Toys Am We"

D.Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley)

Oi fownd a whale in the canal? Nah aar Nah owd yaow no it wuz a whale It ad arim an two spokes on it   Aargh me mates fell in the canal where? Aargh me mates fell in the canal Owd it appen I just took a bite out me sanwich an the mate fell out.  

Lawrence Griffiths

Dolly sez..." Cum on Bert wesh yer onds ya tays ni on ready, wim avin a nois bit o' vera lynn",    Bert sez "OH NO, NOT WHALE MATE AGEN"..  

Pete Bouncer, Walsall 

Aynuk! ov yo gorra lump omma ter bora me anny oi ay gora sponna ter fit this ear nut ?.....  

Pete Bouncer,  Walsall ( also read a story sent in by Pete)

Aynuk saw Ayli walking down the rod pulling a piece of string.
Aynuk: " Wot am yow doin pullin that pace o'string?" Ayli: "Wul yow troi pushin it".

Sent in by Iris Wainwight Belgium ex W-ton

Q. What time is it when you have a pie on your clock?

A. Summat to ate.

Mark May, Wolverhampton

Q. Which ex football commontator has the biggest hands?

A. Hugh Johns (or black country huge `ons)!

Mark May, Wolverhampton

Aynuk says to Ayli: ‘What yow bin doin’’

Ayli replies: ‘ I bin fishin in the cut’

Aynuk says: ‘Did yow catch anythink’

Ayli  replies: ‘Eye,I caught a whale’

Aynuk (astonished): ‘Yow caught a whale in the cut?’

Ayli replies: ‘Yes, a bicycle whale’

Sent in by Derek Robinson

The time was the Depression, a Bilston man was walking along the canal contemplating suicide when he heard a shout:

"Elp!, oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Oh, Ar, ware duw yo werk?"
"Stewut un Lydds,  Oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Wull yo con bloody well drahn, Oim arfter yowr job!"

Presenting himself at the factory gate he says to the gatekeeper:

"Duz a bloke nermed Abner Edwuds werk ere?"
"Ar, but he ay cum this mornin"
"Ar know, he's drahnin in the cut. con oi ave is job?
"Yowm tew lert mate, we just set on the bloke that shuvved im in!"

Sent in by Ray Davies

Man walks into a jewellers shop. 'Ay yo got some rings?' 'Certainly, Sir. Eighteen carat?' 'No, chewing tobacca'

Sent in by Ron Leach
( an ex brummie )

Three lads rescued a drowning woman from the canal. She thanked them profusely and asked if they knew who she was. One boy piped up and said:

"Yow'm Missis Thatcher ay ya?". She nodded and asked what presents they would like as a token of her gratitude.

The first boy said: "Con oi ave a rercin boike, wiv ten speeds un litewert weels?. She said she would phone the chairman of Raleigh Industries and get him a top of the range model.

She turned to the next boy and asked what he wanted, he said: "Con oi ave a fast cumputa with lots ov memery un disk sperce?.

She said she'd get on to the chairman of I.B.M and get the best she could. She turned to the last boy and said: "And what would you like my son?"
"A Stert Funeral, Missis".
"That's a very unusual thing to ask for, why do you want a State Funeral?".
"Cuz wen moi dad finds aht oive pulled yow aht uv the cut he'll bluddy kill me!"

Sent in by Ray Davies


Whilst in Beattie's Wolverhampton, a colleague of mine was directed to the gentlemen's outfitting department when he asked for "the toy department". 

Sent in by Ric Smith Walsall

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