was late for work and the gaffer asked him where he had been.
"I've been to 'av me 'air cut."
Gaffer: "In the
Ayli: "Well it grows in the firm's time,
Gaffer: "It doh all grow in the firm's time!"
Ayli: "I day 'av it all cut off !"
was walking down the road when a dirty and dishevelled man rushed up to him and
you seen a lorry load of pigs go by?"
"No" , said Aynuk, "ave
yo' dropped off ?"
went along to a parents' night at his nipper's school.
our Tommy comin' on?" he asked the teacher.
"Well," came the
reply, "he's in a class of his own."
Ayli was chuffed. "I day
know 'e was that clever."
"Oh he's not," said the teacher,
"but he smells!"
Ayli are standing in Aynuks back garden, Aynuks next door neighbour is running
up and down his back garden pretending he's riding a motorbike, Ayli says, whats
up wi im?, Aynuk says, tek no notice he's saft in the yed he thinks he's in the
Isle o mon in the TT rerces. Ayli says, but he ay got a bike yo orter tell him,
bugger off says Aynuk he pays me a fiver a wik to clean it.
and Ayli had had an argument and hadn't spoken to each other for over a month.
One day Aynuk see's Ayli walking towards him on the opposite side of the road
and being the more Forgiving calls to him, is that yo Ayli, a voice comes back,
no it ay, Aynuk say's well bugger yer then This ay me neither.
Aynuk in a railway cutting sprinting along in front of a train. Ayli : Hey Aynuk.
Why don't yer run up the bonk? Aynuk : If I cor bayt it on the straight I cor
bayt it up the bonk!
a hosepipe like a metal box? When it's a-squaretin'.
Posh lady to boy.
"will your dog bite me if I stroke him?" "No Missus," The lady stroked the dog
,which promply bit her. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" "This ay mar
Geoff Jones. Halesowen
and Ayli were sat on Bondi Beach in Australia when a big sun bronzed Aussie comes
by with a surfboard under his arm, Ayli says to Aynuk weers e gooin with that
plank, Aynuk says, that ay a plank it's a surfboard, what's it for says Ayli,
yo watch says Aynuk. The Aussie jumps on the board and paddles out, he catches
a huge wave which knocks him straight off and dumps him and the board back on
the beach in a big heap. Ayli says to Aynuk what did yo say that plank was called,
it ay a plank says Aynuk it's a surfboard Ayli says, well it doe look very serf
Dave Clark Broseley Shropshire (Ex Coseley)
I heard between my two black country friends Ian and Tina (some years ago now!)
Ian: Tay, I wont me tay!
Tina: Yow Cor av ya tay, it tay tay time!
always thought their Aylie was in need of a little ferther education so decided
he would tek im to the big city, Bermingham.
took him round the city explainin what building was what and the local history
attached to them. Eventually they arrived at Victoria Suare and by this time Aylies
brain wus in a right spin, suddenly Aylie turned and saw the large building and
said to Aynock is thet a palace our kid , naa seys Aynock, thats
the Council House. ****** hell ses Aylie Ive got me name down for one of
man to pedestrian:
S'cuse me mate does yow now if there's a B & Q in Wolverhampton?
Sorry mate oi don't, but I nows theres 2 D's in Dudley
South African Black Country convert
Wots the difference between a buffalo and a bison
Ali: Dow now mate
You cor wash yer onds in a buffalo
himself a new pen for his chickens. He asks Ayli to come and have a look at it.
yome med a bostin job on it ar kid says Ayli,
says ar it ay bad except that the roof leaks.
notices that Aynuk has put a wire netting roof on the pen,
wonder it leaks says Ayli yo ay put no slope on it.
Dave Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley)
the war, a British General visited an Army Hospital of the South Staffordshire
Sensing a doom and gloom atmosphere he tried to rally the men by
you men didn't come here to die did you?" To which Aynuk
and Ayli replied " Na
sur, way booth coomd ere yesterdie."
they call "Toys -R- Us in Dudley ?
Answer "Toys Am We"
D.Clark Shropshire (Ex Coseley)
a whale in the canal? Nah aar Nah owd yaow no it wuz a whale It ad arim an two
spokes on it Aargh me mates fell in the canal where? Aargh me mates fell in
the canal Owd it appen I just took a bite out me sanwich an the mate fell out.
Cum on Bert wesh yer onds ya tays ni on ready, wim avin a nois bit o' vera lynn",
Bert sez "OH NO, NOT WHALE MATE AGEN"..
Pete Bouncer, Walsall
ov yo gorra lump omma ter bora me anny oi ay gora sponna ter fit this ear nut
Pete Bouncer, Walsall (
also read a story sent in by Pete)
Ayli walking down the rod pulling a piece of string.
Aynuk: " Wot am yow
doin pullin that pace o'string?" Ayli: "Wul yow troi pushin it".
in by Iris Wainwight Belgium ex W-ton
What time is it when you have a pie on your clock?
Summat to ate.
Which ex football commontator has the biggest hands?
Hugh Johns (or black country huge `ons)!
says to Ayli: What yow bin doin
replies: I bin fishin in the cut
says: Did yow catch anythink
replies: Eye,I caught a whale
(astonished): Yow caught a whale in the cut?
replies: Yes, a bicycle whale
Sent in by Derek Robinson
time was the Depression, a Bilston man was walking along the canal contemplating
suicide when he heard a shout:
oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Oh, Ar, ware duw yo werk?"
un Lydds, Oim drahnin, serv me!"
"Wull yo con bloody well
drahn, Oim arfter yowr job!"
himself at the factory gate he says to the gatekeeper:
"Duz a bloke
nermed Abner Edwuds werk ere?"
"Ar, but he ay cum this mornin"
"Ar know, he's drahnin in the cut. con oi ave is job?
lert mate, we just set on the bloke that shuvved im in!"
in by Ray Davies
into a jewellers shop. 'Ay yo got some rings?' 'Certainly, Sir. Eighteen carat?'
'No, chewing tobacca'
Sent in by Ron Leach
( an ex brummie )
lads rescued a drowning woman from the canal. She thanked them profusely and asked
if they knew who she was. One boy piped up and said:
Missis Thatcher ay ya?". She nodded and asked what presents they would like
as a token of her gratitude.
The first boy said: "Con oi ave a rercin boike, wiv ten speeds un litewert
weels?. She said she would phone the chairman of Raleigh Industries and get him
a top of the range model.
She turned to the next boy and asked what he wanted, he said: "Con oi ave
a fast cumputa with lots ov memery un disk sperce?.
said she'd get on to the chairman of I.B.M and get the best she could. She turned
to the last boy and said: "And
what would you like my son?"
"A Stert Funeral, Missis".
"That's a very unusual thing to ask for, why do you want a State Funeral?".
"Cuz wen moi dad finds aht oive pulled yow aht uv the cut he'll bluddy kill
in by Ray Davies
in Beattie's Wolverhampton, a colleague of mine was directed to the gentlemen's
outfitting department when he asked for "the toy department".
in by Ric Smith Walsall