Gay village

alex
hiam alex am gay and am sick of hiding it am now 18 and the think u need to understand is hideing ur personalty for some resones your not involve with it its like Buring ur self alife trust me dude YOu live for once a times dont Hide something just to please other people ,and in a matter of fact people do talk about every one and this is what i real eyes even about jeses they talk so live for your self only and nwo i have to go i have this big homework to do see u soon bye

Matthew
The only tokenism here is that of a homosexual man with a 'straight-identity' chip on his shoulder. Perhaps if you didnt identify yourself as the odd one out people wouldn't treat you as such.

SATC fan
Aside to the point of this article, I have to agree with Patrick... the Carrie Bradshaw-esque style can only be done by one person - and that's Carrie!

phil houghton
i am a young gay guy (26) living in birmingham... since i came out at the tender age of 19 i have made no attempt to hide my sexuality, nor do i make it the focus of my life. if in my work place people refer to my sexuality i am often the first person to make a joke about it, but i am known as phil, not gay phil. i agree it is nice to live in birmingham and have the option to socialise at 'gay venues' but to be quite honest the few times i have been out on the scene recently, i have been bored to find the same people, talking about the same boring things, going to the same venue's on the same nights of each week, and generally lacking in variety, or imagination... the only interesting nights out i have had recently have been to the b5 comedy night on a sunday. I cant be asked with the whole dancing all night thing or the binge drinking nights such as monday's or thursdays on the scene. i often go out with my straight friends (i have more straight friends than gay) and i have only once or twice felt out of place (once was a stag do that ended in a strip club - need i say more?) the other was when i was on my own and the other's were very couply and i attended by myself, but then i would have felt the same had i been straight surely?? i have 'girl friends' but it never even cross's my mind as to what other's are thinking, i have more important things to worry about to be honest. i dont fit some people's stereo of a gay guy... but then i wouldnt want to fit particularly into any stereo type.. i am phil, secure in myself, and i think that is what make me the person i am, so i dont need to worry about what people think, as frankly i dont care, as long as i am happy!! people's attitude towards you as a person are shaped by your attitude's towards them. project an insecurity about your sexuality or position in society, people will pick up on it. people will accept you for you, not based on sexuality, quite frankly i think people now dont have the level of prejudice towards us homosexuals as they used to with a minority of exceptions (i used to run a pub, and suffered blatant homophobic abuse from some young lads who i bared from the pub for their bahviour, they then used my sexuality as a basis for retaliation with abusive phone calls, graphitti, etc, so i know it still happens) and as for civil partnership's... well i welcome the opportunity to declare my love and make a long term, legally recognised and binding commitment, but we have to be careful about complaining about this. until recently, gay guys like myself (and of course gay girls as well) have not had the right to do this.. we do now. What else do you want?? i fail to see what your point is here. isnt marrage a business arrangement as well?? at every wedding i have been to, the bride and groom has had to sign the register. you can not force the public as a whole to accept homosexuality, when some people do genuinely believe that is it unnatural and wrong. but we live in a democracy, and whilst i disagree with people who hold such views, i respect their right to hold them... the only issue comes when their beliefs fuel homophobic attacks which whilst being awful, and as i said i have suffered such abuse, i believe to be a rarity. what you need to do is develop understanding. i didnt choose to be gay, i have in the past wished i wasn't, but i am gay, i genuinely believe that i was born this way, homosexuality being genetic in my view. so i had NO choice in the matter. but that is something straight people might not be able to empaphise with as they have not faced this issue and grown up knowing this difference between them and the big wide world, or had this 'big thing to tell their family.' and yes sometimes when i change my job i hate the initial period of knowing people are thinking 'is he or isn't he' and being the focus of everyone's attention... but then that is part of gay life, and the sooner you deal with it the better!

Alex, Sutton
Without reading the comments my first thought when reading this was not that it was the problem of integrating as a token gay, but as a single person amongst couples. I'm sure everyone at some point has been fixed up in order to make the numbers even by coupled off friends. I imagine that if you had a longstanding boyfriend then he'd be invited along too. if not then they probably shouldn't be your friends!

Vicki
I'm bi and I'm pretty certain that my true and good friends do not assume that I am dating every person that I am seen with, male or female. I think you need to stop worrying about how others perceive you, you are who you are at the end of the day. Also, so what if people assume you are a couple? My best friend is male and people always assume that we are are a couple, but all that matters is that you know you're not. If you're friends are decent then they don't assume anything until you tell them. I think you are worried that people thinking you and "your beard" - I don't know about other women but I think that that is slightly offensive to her but I will let that go - it kind of takes away from the fact that she is her own person and most importantly YOUR FRIEND, it makes her sound like an item you put on purely for going out but anyway, are you worried when you're with her potential gay partners think you are straight?

Adam
Lets talk about more important things like, how the "scene" is becoming more straight as the months go on. Take Subway for instance, there is more straight lads in there than there is up Broad St. Almost all of the woman I know go to gay bars to get away from all the sexual praying that these lager louts do. As a gay man myself i cant look at a lad without him giving me the "look". I feel very uncomfortable, we cant be ourselves in our own bars. Also I have to praise DV8 for "banning" straight people kissing, why should they do it in our bars when we cant even touch another lad on the shoulder up Broad St without a bouncer coming up and telling us to stop touching. Its morally wrong. I have nothing against straight men 60% of my friends are men. But its these Chavd up lager louts that walk around a gay bar acting as if its straight. If these persons dont like gay men or anything to with homosexuality go back to Broad St where there are plenty of others around you

Michael, Cambridge
I fully know what thisa is like after recently being invited to a wedding, on the invite it was addressed to me and my best friend Kerry, WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!!!!!!! We spend a lot of time during the week together and at weekends occasinally I do" the scene" here in Cambridge, so I suppose I'm kind of a closet gay with a girlfriend but I'm out!!!

Jason
well, for starters, you could stop going to "Couples Night" with your gal pal. I'm sure they have single friends, and I'm sure you do to, go hang out with them. Part of it is your unwillingness to let go of your beard. You can, and should, make friends with other gay men. An unhealthy dependancy can, and often does, develop between a gay man and his straight gal pal, making it hard, if not impossible for either of them get a date, boyfriend or partner.

michael
isnt there more important things to worry about?

dean
well welcome to my world my best mate laura she is a lesbien or as she likes it women who likes women and when ever i go out with her it makes me feel really bad the way gay women and men act towards me just as the same way with you so it happens on both sides of the fence... i think people really do forget im straight sometimes but hey im ok with it in the long run lol

hi
awwwwwwwwwww u poor soul

Charlotte
You shouldn't have to be anyone's "Token Gay Friend". Either they love you for the friendship you give them or tell them to clear off. And the expressions "Beard" and/or "Fag Hag".. are they really any better than "Token"? I think not. I have many gay friends and they think of me as their "friend" not their "hag/beard". Friendship should not be based on sexuality, skin color, religion, height, weight.. the list goes on. If you are comfortable in your own skin... get comfortable with your friends. Life will be much more fulfilling!

Phil
I think you need to focus on far more important issues in life, than worrying about what people might think about you and your friend. Get yourself a life and start thinking about others, instead of centring on yourself.

Patrick
I have to agree with Simons comments, it appears that the real issue is your own insecurity. I have no issues with your 'journalism' as such (Carrie Bradshaw would like her 'style' back.)apart from you seem to make such an issue out of being gay and make it a big drama. At the end of the day you are gay, don't let gay be you.

Mike
I used to live with someone who absolutely HATED me until she found out I was gay. Now, I am her 'close friend and confidante.' I don't mind really, since I would rather be a friend to someone than enemy, however, the superficilaity of the friendship has been noticed by many of our other friends, some of whom have warned me not to get too involved because they know, from personal experience, that I will only be brushed aside when a new 'gay chum' came along. Yes, I do find it a little annoying that it took my coming out to make her like me - to my knowledge, my ways, mannerisms and personlaity was no different the day after to the way it was the day before - but I think we have to recognise that a lot of the time these so called 'fag-hags' often feel threatened by 'straight men' and they actually find comfort in having a male friend who doesn't have anything other than platonic friendship on their minds.

Kieron
Well the 'beard' concept is news to me. It is possible for a gay man to have a female friend without there being any hidden agenda. Whether she's you're 'hag' or 'fag bangle' it doesn't really matter. As long as your both having fun what's to worry about. Whether or not your percieved by others as gay/not gay/bi/straight at a dinner party is really their own judgement. Civil partnership is there to give people an option. No one has to. It IS about who gets what when it ends. It gives gay couples security. Comparing it to the sex offenders register is bizzare! I think its a step in the right direction and ultimately does mean its more acceptable and recognised that you can be 'partnered' with someone of the same sex.

Simon (2)!
I totally agree with Simons last comment regarding this article. I live in a rural community and have been completely out there since day one and faced no hostility or homophobia. I have a fantastic group of friends there and can be completely comfortable in any social situation whether I am single or not. Every situation is different of course, I do believe that our own behaviour determines how others receive us (gay or straight). I also agree with Simon and Helen that a lot of what Johnathan is saying is a reflection on himself. It does not matter who anyone takes to a party, if my friends judged my guest at a party . . . then I would question are they real mates at all. Get out there and enjoy it all.

Chris
I'm not single any more but when I was going out to try find someone it was an extreme turn off to see a guy with his surrogate partner tagging along every where he went. The guy should have the confidence to venture out on his own sometimes and confidence in any case is always an attractive point.

Helen
I suspect your attitude to your sexuality is the problem - your use of the term beard certainly suggests this. My straight friends, work colleagues, family etc and those of my partner are used to us either going to things as a couple or (if one of us is doing something else) on our own. If they have a problem with this they've certainly never shown the slightest sign of it.

Simon
Yet again i find that although your article is essentially meant to be about challenging a stereotype all you have managed to do is re-enforce one. At the end of the day, Gay men and straight women will always be attracted to each other as "Friends" because they use each other as safety nets, in effect becoming Surrogate Husband and Wife, this relationship is obviously a comfort blanket for both people involved... but is ultimately self destructive... Do you sacrifice your best friend / surrogate Husband or wife for your own happiness if you meet a potential lover? or vice versa. As far as your dinner party scenario goes, i think what you've said says more about what YOU imagine your straight friends are thinking than what THEY are actually thinking. And what's stopping you from taking a male friend Gay or straight, your straight friends? or your own internalised homophobia, that lets face it, as gay men and women we all have... whether we're prepared to admit it or not... that we project onto our straight acquaintances.