Gay village

Gay dating rituals - talk about backward

Is it just me that when I go clubbing in Birmingham that the men seem to have the oddest ways of showing they are interested in you. For instance, when a man pinches your bum as he is walking past, that is not really the best way to initiate any form of conversation. When someone does this to me, I think, and probably most would, 'touch me with that hand again and I will shove it down your throat'. In a nice way obviously, but being man-handled is never fun unless you actually invite it.

Violence aside, gay dating rituals seem to have reverted to the primordial age where some people get their ‘fag hag’ - straight woman friend - or other friend to go up to you and ask you if you are interested. I personally I am very put off when someone asks me for a friend. I think,  'why doesn't the person, if they like me enough, take three paces and speak to me', that is what I would do.

Remember guys this is not a playground and not a ‘Live and Kicking’ phone-in on which you call up and say which boy you fancy. This is grown up stuff. I am not saying I expect to be approached, but if I am I would rather the person who was approaching me was the person who was interested -  otherwise it could be very confusing.

Is romance dead?

This seems to undermine the ideal of a man coming in valiantly and trying to woo you, this seems like a new era – a wimp’s guide to dating. They say romance is dead, well with this as evidence one things for sure they were not far wrong. Sure rejection is never fun, but if you never try for yourself how you ever going to know?

This all seems to fit in with keeping it in your ‘league’, whether some men are too hot to approach or some are just too ugly to bother with. How could they think they even stood a chance? There seems to a hierarchy of gay rituals that one should observe. For instance a young beautiful ‘twink’ is not going to want a balding, beer-bellied man. Well this may not be the case, unless you ask.

If you do get rejected, fair play to you, at least you had the guts to bother. Some people also seem to believe that because they are good looking they do not need to approach anyone. Not necessarily the case. What if everyone assumes you're taken? Or that you would never go near them?  A question worth posing where people seem to idolise the idea of the beautiful man. However it can be a vicious circle. No one is excluded from this approach game, regardless, even if they have delusions of self grandeur.

Dance with me

Also the other classic way of showing you like someone is dancing near them, and making sure you're in their eye line. If you try this method for god sake do not pull the half smile and half I am nervous and need to pee face; this look is never an attractive one ever, people might recommend a laxative not a date. Also for god sake do not wink at someone I thought someone had a lazy eye once because they tried this method.

Alternatively, if you are more confident and make a point of going up to dance near them with all the confidence and stride and just say hello or nice moves, maybe not the latter on all people, they might think you are taking the mick if they are a ‘challenged dancer’. All I am saying it is better to start up a bit of conversation than sit there and wait for your friend to ask them or wait for them to come over and talk to you.

Other classic mistake is asking someone in a gay club, ‘if they are straight?’ or ‘have a girlfriend?’  These questions will, if they are blatantly gay, make them think this person is silly. However, even though more and more straight people seem to be in gay clubs in Birmingham it does not mean that anyone should feel the need to not feel like they can talk to someone without the fear of being bashed if they speak to the wrong person. These people are in gay clubs so they should maybe accept the fact that people might come on to them; if they decline that is their prerogative. It is off putting at some points when people seem to ask for the sake of asking.

Bow out gracefully

The one last gripe I have is when people come on to you and you say 'no thanks I'm not interested' and then they either persist further or get bitchy. If you get rejected or you're not someone's taste, bow out gracefully, it bodes well for the future. No one likes someone who sits there and says 'well you're this and that', because they are a sore loser.

This all may seem like a bit of a rant and to all intents and purposes it is a little bit. It does have a solid message hidden beneath the surface, that if you like someone go up and speak to them do not act like a child and get your friend to talk for you. Remember this mantra, he came, he saw, he conquered (this maybe a slightly different order for most gay men, but hey lets leave the vulgarity for another place). All I know is I bet the great explorers didn't get their friend to do it 'cause they were scared.