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Dwain Xain Zedong
Dwain Xain Zedong

Review: Goldie Lookin Chain

By Linda Serck
Goldie Lookin' Chain returned to Reading after playing the Fez in April and the Reading Festival in August for a gig at Reading University. Read the review and see the pix (link on the right).


SUNDAY 3rd OCT 2004

It’s amazing how the great British sense of humour can spread to music. Goldie Lookin' Chain, Newport’s finest gang of chav rappers are drenched in more bling than Ali G, wear cheap nasty shell suits and skanky old caps, send up rappers (21 Ounces To Blow parodies So Solid Crew’s 21 Seconds) and constantly refer to smoking draw.

They have names like Adam Hussain, Mr Loveeggs and Dwain Xain Zedong. And everyone gets the joke. Great chunks of the sell-out crowd are swathed in Elizabeth Duke jewellery and up-turned sun visors.

On the second night of their UK tour to promote album Greatest Hits, the rowdy rat-boys pounce on to the stage with their trademark  “safe as f***”. Thousands of polyester sleeves surge upwards, soon fisting the air to the stonking bass beats that sound like an army of charging elephants. The lads crawl and lurk around the stage, throwing cartoon dance moves and gangsta rapping with gusto, sounding like a cross between The Streets and So Solid with the humour of Men Behaving Badly. In fact, these Welsh lads are The Beastie Boyos.

"“Reading, do you want to be in GLC? You need three things: draw, fags and rizla” "
Dwain Xain Zedong

Returning to Reading after playing the Fez club in April and the Reading Festival in August, the gang are pretty much the town's stalwarts – we’re only down the M4 after all. And it’s the usual repertoire- Roller Disco, 21 Ounces, The Maggot, Leisurewear, Self Suicide and of course their current no. 3 hit Guns Don’t Kill People Rappers Do. For Half Man Half Machine two robots – one chap in tin foil, the other clad in a huge silver cardboard box hilariously waddle on stage, grinding their pelvises together and generally having a laugh. 

What these lads do is pretty basic but it's a winning formula: a wicked Grandmaster Flash beat, a well-known riff sample and comedy lyrics, even changing existing ones such as singing Evil Alchemist in Newport to the tune of Sting's Englishman in New York. They’re following on the great British tradition of being controversial but with good-natured humour – and the crowd love it.

“Reading, do you want to be in GLC? You need three things: draw, fags and rizla,” head honcho Dwain Xain Zedong declares. One fan must have passed the GLC test as somehow he makes it on to the stage and just dances with them, blending in nicely with a red tracksuit top and baseball cap. It’s all good fun. You can see the imposter in our photo gallery (links on the right).

The great British pastiche continues with a Milli Vanilli style gurning slow dance in You Knows I Love You, the lads a-tonally chanting “you know I love you baby” with one declaring meaningfully: “To prove my love I got a tattoo on my b******s”. ”YOU…” the gang shout. “KNOWS IT!” boom back the audience. It’s panto, it’s Butlins holiday camp and it’s chav-tastic.

Ending with possibly a song that most defines their student-like humour, Your Mother’s Got A Penis shakes the very foundations of the campus with everyone booming the chorus behind Eric Clapton’s Who Do You Love riff. It ends a night of hilarity and top-class entertainment.

From what began as word-of-mouth via their website of downloads, these lads have risen without the need of any PR but purely because of their growing fan-base. They are the band the people have chosen, and what a blinging choice we’ve made.

last updated: 05/10/04
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Goldie Lookin Chain

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