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BBC-Host: Hello, and welcome to tonight’s Live Chat with Lola
Cola. As you may have seen in tonight's Storyville film Southern Comfort,
Lola is a male-to-female transsexual. The film follows the last year
of the life of her boyfriend, Robert Eads, a female-to-male transsexual
living in rural Georgia and dying of ovarian cancer.
Tracy: Was it difficult to live with a film camera in your
face when your boyfriend was so ill?
Lola Cola: I was afraid that it would be, but it turned out
that the camera became transparent. Kate used a small digital camera,
no lights or anything, and as we came to know and trust Kate, her
camera faded into the background.
Holly: Some of Robert’s other friends in the film seem a bit
suspicious of you at the beginning. Why?
Lola Cola: I guess they were both very critical of each other's
romantic choices. They were all friends and I just imagined it was
jealousy.
Billy Hughes: Have you enjoyed the attention you’ve got at
film festivals and events since the film came out?
Lola Cola: Oh yes - it's been amazing, I've become a minor
celebrity! I've been to Berlin, Paris, London, Ireland and all over
the United States.
Adam: Didn't intend to watch tonight's program, but got drawn
in - you are an inspiration.
Lola Cola: Thank you! I feel very surprised! But being an inspiration
is better than being a disgrace. LOL.
Jeremy: How do you feel about the fact that most transsexuals
are portrayed as Jerry Springer style freaks?
Lola Cola: That's very unfortunate, and one of the reasons
that I'm very happy with this film - to my knowledge it's the first
film that has left the sensational aspect untouched.
Vanessa Park: I just want to say that I am very proud of you
and Robert, and the whole Southern Comfort community - I wish I had
the courage to actually go through it myself!
Lola Cola: Thank you, Vanessa. I would just encourage everyone
to live according to your own conscience, and not to satisfy other
people's expectations.
Firaas: What was it that made you want to become a female?
Lola Cola: The question's not exactly accurate. I never wanted
to be a female - it was thrust upon me. I always felt that I wasn't
exactly male or exactly female, but I knew that I was closer to female.
Stephen Whittle: Hi, I met Robert several years ago at Southern Comfort - just wondered,
really for the trans couples in our community over here in the UK,
if you would comment on the reaction you had from work colleagues.
Lola Cola: My experience may not be typical because I sign
my work colleagues' paycheques, so they didn't have much room to object!
But in general everyone seemed okay with it.
Vanessa Park: Have you had to cope with bumping into clients
that know John and meet Lola instead?
Lola Cola: A little bit. Nothing that has been too awkward.
Tanya: Dear Lola - Have just watched documentary. Just want
to say deepest respect, much love and v best wishes for the future.
Lola Cola: Thank you kindly!
Stephen Whittle: Did your collegues like the film, and
did you?
Lola Cola: The film hasn't appeared on American TV yet. It's
going to air in the middle of April.
Steph Shaw: How do you feel about the way Robert was treated
by the medical "profession?"
Lola Cola: I was horrified to hear Robert's story. I wasn't
on the scene when he was looking for medical help, and considering
it I just wonder if maybe a lot of the rejection was due to the front
office people answering the phone and being ignorant regarding transsexuals,
and turning them away just because they're unfamiliar with this phenomenon.
I'd hate to think of doctors as being evil, bigoted people who would
let people die rather than heal them.
Sophie Lambert: Hi Lola. Do you think the film is helping to
change attitudes?
Lola Cola: Hi Sophie. Well, it's too early to tell, but the
response has been uniformly positive.
Ann Wright: Why did he not try the TS community doctors for
his treatment?
Lola Cola: Well, because the TS doctors are great for changing
your sex, but aren't necessarily conversant in oncology.
Jason Jobling: I was proud to watch your story tonight. The
first transexual I met was when I was 17 & in the closet & thought
how brave he was to come out. He gave me strength to come out myself
as a gay man. I felt that admiration again tonight. Jason x Lola
Cola: Thank you! x
Richard: Aside from the obvious, do you like to think of yourself
as a typical Southern Belle?
Lola Cola: Haha! There's not much that's typical about me,
but if I want to fantasise, yes, I can convince myself of that! I
do know how to say "I do declare", and I know the recipe for a mint
julip!
Sandie Seward: Lola, do you think we will ever be fully accepted?
Lola Cola: It remains to be seen. I don't think the world will
ever be free of narrow-minded and bigoted people, so probably not.
If we manage to achieve greater than 50% acceptance, then we're doing
fine.
Peter Mantle: Did Robert's son inherit the farm? It looked
derelict at the end of the film.
Lola Cola: Yes, he did pass it onto the son, and since then
it's been sold.
Mick Java1: Lola - I was really touched by the film -robert
was such a lovely guy -just want to send you a big kiss and wish you
well for the future.Mick xx
Lola Cola Thanks!
Thomas Williams: In the film you’re living your working life
as a man. Are you still, or does your old persona no longer exist
for you?
Lola Cola: I will still answer to John in my work life, but
the people who are important know who I am. I have all these old customers,
and I feel like if I were to start people I was John but not Lola,
I'd spend all my time explaining myself and not doing business.
Sandie Seward: I actually cried during it, and I don't find
it easy to shed tears.
Lola Cola: I have a hard time watching that film with dry eyes.
Tracy Jerram: Having had ovarian cancer myself seven years
ago and still under observation now, how did Robert cope with his
own mortality?
Lola Cola: Robert managed to maintain his dignity, I think,
in the main, considering the level of deterioration he went through
before he passed. It was amazing how he clung to life so tenaciously.
Apparently, one good day was worth four miserable ones.
Glyn Wilcox: How do you find the strength to be so courageous?
The story of Robert touched myself and my partner, I admire your
ability to be able to truly be yourself.
Lola Cola: Well, that's the trick isn't it! In a way I guess
being trans, you know, helps you to learn to be yourself because
it's either that or suicide.
steph shaw: Has knowledge of what Robert went through put you
off your transition?
Lola Cola: No. I have to be who I am.
cambeul: Despite the underlying tragedy of this part of Robert's
life, the memory I am left with is the wonderful and deep love between
you two. Bless you both.
Caroline: Do you have any make-up tips for us?
Lola Cola: Haha! Less is more!
Blue Cat: How do you feel about the Southern Comfort gathering?
Lola Cola: The gathering I think is extremely important for
trans people. It's like the only time during the course of a year
where we become the majority. Beyond that, there is a lot of power
in gathering the tribe.
Tanya: Is the gathering open to non-trans people, ie, lesbians,
gays, etc?
Lola Cola: Yes, it's open to anyone who's interested. We had
people who saw the film at Sundance come to this past gathering.
Tanya: How can we find out about gathering?
BBC-Host: There's a link to the conference from the Southern
Comfort page on the Storyville site.
An Mow: This was one of the most impressive docs I have seen
in the past year!
Lola Cola: Kudos to Kate Davis.
Stephen: What’s the best thing about living in the South?
Lola Cola: Seventy degree winters!
Kira Scott: I am transgendered myself and help run a group
in Scotland. On behalf of the group I would like to send you our blessing.
Such a moving programme.
Lola Cola: Thanks Kira, and good luck in Scotland.
Sophie Lambert: It's clearly impossible for you now, but given
the prejudiced attitudes out there, do you think the average ts is
better keeping their past quiet if they can?
Lola Cola: In general, yeah. I don't advocate telling lies,
but I don't think you need to tell everyone you meet your history,
no more than anyone else would.
Vanessa Park: Are you looking forward to the film airing in
the US in April, and how do you think it will further change your
life?
Lola Cola: That remains to be seen. I'm hoping that the response
will be as positive as it has been.
Sandie Seward: Lola, may I feature an article in our next newsletter?(TGAP)
Lola Cola: Sure. Email BBC
Four and they will pass on your details to me.
Carolyn Sherie: In answer to someone's question about changing
attitudes, I want to tell you that I have a close friend who is a
male-to-female transexual, and seeing the documentary tonight has
helped my understanding of her, in particular her decision to not
have the bottom surgery. She lives in a in a small place and she is
lonely, is having a hard time finding a life partner. Are there many
relationships formed between trans and non-trans people?
Lola Cola: Well, I imagine that there are more bonds made between
trans and non-trans people than between trans people themselves. In
any case, the dating pool for trans people is pretty shallow. It's
an incredible stroke of luck for straight people to find love, much
less trans people.
James Clarke: Lola - I was amazed and impressed by the programme
this evening. The subject is not one I would usually watch BUT Roberts
& Your story was compelling. I would just ask why you left your shared
home after Robert died?
Lola Cola: Robert owned that land up in the country. I live
on the outskirts of Atlanta. He came to live with me when it became
impossible for him to live alone. I'm still in the same home.
Chloe Hodge: Are there any other trans awareness raising activities
in the States?
Lola Cola: There are lots of them - I think there are some
in Britain. There's a group called Press for Change.
BBC-Host: For further info and links see the Southern
Comfort page on the Storyville site.
Heather Wilkins: Lola, is any legal action being taken to ensure
doctors must perform surgery on transexuals without descrimination?
Lola Cola: I don't believe so, but what I do know is that people
are putting together programmes to educate the medical community in
the hope that they'll do better in the future. We've had some calls
for copies of the film for just that purpose. People frequently ask
"are you suing the doctors?" The answer is "no" because Robert was
more interested in making the most of the time he had left rather
than wreaking some sort of vengeance.
Katie Rugg: Films like Southern Comfort, I think, are incredibly
important in increasing acceptance, because the supposedly 'strange'
looks so normal and human. After years of thinking I wasn't feminine
enough for a woman I've now accepted that maybe I'm not 'just' a woman
but somewhere in between. People like you being prepared to take part
in these important stories make it easier for people like me to accept
themselves even though.
Lola Cola: I think it's fabulous that the film is helping people
cope with their own situations. Ideally, we should all be able to
be exactly who we are without fear of recriminations based on other
people's ideas of who we should be.
Sophie Lambert: Will you be touring the UK Lola? It would be
lovely to see you at an event in person. If not, I wish you much happiness.
Lola Cola: We were in London on our way to Ireland, and I think
Southern Comfort was at a film festival in Sheffield, but they didn't
invite me. Tell them have someone send me tickets and I'd be happy
to come!
BBC-Host: Before she goes - here is Lola with a final word...
Lola Cola: Thanks to everyone - it's really heartening that
people can relate to our humanity and not see us as freaks. I'm
very grateful for all your support and kind wishes. Be kind to each
other.
BBC-Host: Thanks to Lola for joining us and thanks to you too
for such a warm chat.
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