Read what others have said..

niel bhalinder singh, chandigarh
verganity of feelings, emotions, respects & relaionship should be on priority than physical verganity for both. i think this is a way to save the asian institution of marriage in this era of globalisation ( cultural too ). when u like, love or choose a girl for marriage & she also respond u same then follow the policy of blind faith to begin a sweet n successful journey of life. always remember nobody remain virgin afer her/his first night.

Buddy Lunn, Yugoslavia
After engaging in intercourse with my wife (now ex wife!) on our honeymoon night, I caught her squirting a dobble of tomatoe ketchup on the bed sheet!. I was devestated.

Raman, London
Men do not have a second thought about this , why? because you can't tell with men but if asian men are'nt virgins why should they expect there partner to be?? My previous partner was so scared to tell me she was not a virgin and when I told her i dont care im not she felt great relief. Too much pressure is put on young asian women and as asians we really need to start living in the present rather then the past

halima liverpool
Well yea it is important for asian girl especailly to be a virgin before marriage but i dont understand if the guy is not virgin it doesnt matter why? And you cant even tell if a boy is virgin or not ? I know being a muslim girl virginity is really important .In same time boy should have the same rule but a lot pople lie lie lie .

Zahid Khan, Singapore
I understand the belief still exist as a honor, As what people belief was "wedding gift to groom" on first night that the bridge was not engage in sexually and emotionally prior to marry,Its a vast subjective issue, As a unmarried man I myself won't consider my wife must be virgin if I belongs to promiscuous society but question comes who will tolerate if person was honest and waiting for soul partner to give their virginity as a gift of honor and purity symbol of body and emotions, and finds person was not virgin on first night. Do everybody need to believe " Virginity is not a dignity its lack of opportunity" Are we ready for that teaching to our kids? The answer is Big NO!! Cause of hypocrisy within.To avoid the problem What is most important is respect and trust in your current relationship. You need to trust and respect your wife that she was a virgin. If you don't, you might think about ending this relationship. If you decide that she is too important to you to lose,. Her virginity may be less important than your self-esteem.

sawerah worcester
I think mostly people wana their patner virjin, but just think how a girl/woman can lose her virginty.... by her self, off cource not it's with a man....so when a man is going to marry he wants a virjin girl,why?

sushma, u.s.a
If she would have told truth about herself,she would have never married,and now just to keep her marriage,she should be quiet,as this would keep peace at homefront.goodluck

Sana, Southampton
The hymen is a very thin tissue which is located in the entrance of the vagina, and it is so thin, that it could be broken when playing sports or even dancing. So it is wrong to think that the hymen can only be broken with intercourse. Due to this dysfunctional theory, alot of women have been punished because a man has not seen blood when taking part in intercourse, accusing her of being a non virgin, whereas she may have lost it years ago when she took part in a pe lesson, or did trampoling after school.

Roman Singh, Birmingham
But if you're a young Asian male looking to find a bride, there's more chance of finding a virgin bride here in England, just don't get coaxed in to thinking that just because the Indian alternative has been to college that she will be an innocent virgin. Make sure she has been to the clinic and have her checked for STD's, a non virgin is one thing, to catch something off her is another.

j. Cheshire
Why is a woman "used goods" but a man isn't ? Double standards at work here I think !!

Missy Birmingham
I think that most men would prefer their wives to be "pure", as a women who has lost her virginity would be seen as a "used item." But i believe that its all about traditional values. Men who are more into their tradition would want a virgin wife.

kirin
Well i think its up to you if you wnat to have sex. You should do whatever feels right for you, living in fear is not the way to go. Marriage is all about honesty and understanding, then what is the point of one partner does not understand why there parter has broken there virginity. People need to experience life...... and why is it always its ok for asian guys to have sex but not asian women, then the drama comes of being cursed etc etc!!!!

S from B'ham
I think females and males both should be virgins. This is one treasure once broken cannot be repaired. Getting married is a big commitment and to find out your partner has lost his/her virginity is betrayal. You should advise your partner before getting married n if they don’t mind then that’s ok. Whether we in 21 century or not its no excuse to loss virginity before marriage. I don’t see why people rush into this if u want to have sex then get married if you know that person is the right one if you don’t then why have sex.

Bal, Huddersfield
I just wonder if you tell your wife/husband that you are not a virgin and are honest, whats to stop you sleeping with someone else if your sexual relationship is not working and you've experienced better before. I believe its important to remain a virgin, its the only way you have no doubts about sex with others.

Samir, India
It is just that the asian men are not willing to accept it, although they might have been involved in relationships prior to marriage. But, would like to have a virgin as a wife. One thing is that the man feels insecure when not marrying a virgin, he gets thoughts of betrayal on his mind, due to mundane reasons involving his ability. I think that these differences should be sorted out prior to marriage and build a strong relationship on faith.

PLANETCOP
i was just browsing this site. Good Day. My comment is just simply, if the woman is not a virgin, they household should not become up in arms and start to fight and quarrel...just simply re marry. if they in love, then virgin or no virgin shouldnt really make a difference. if the woman lies about her virginity with dyes and sheets and colours, then this lie remains for long time, not that these words, u should now confess and start a rukus!...over it. just saying. or the man should have a quick fling! and make it even! hahahahaa

jewls
Telling the truth to a man who say's he is open minded, only to find out after a arguement we will throw it in your face and you never live it down (better to have your secrets everyone does)

Unknown USA
Well listening to your shows its obivous that young asian people are having sex, theres nothing anyone can do about it.

SP, London
I find it really annoying that British Asian men sleep around, enjoying themselves before then going on and wanting to 'marry virgins'. I thinks it shocking and such double standards. British Asian guys should realise that times have changed and move with them. What's the point in getting married to 'girls back home' just because they're virgins, what have you got in common with those girls - you're spending the rest of your life with that one person it should be with someone that you can actually relate to. If i was a guy and had the choice of a woman that couldn't even speak english, didn't understand the British culture, or way or life i'd much prefer to go for a girl that i actually get along with, someone i can relate to and if she happens to NOT be a virgin, so what you should learn to put that past you. For those girls that are not virgins they should be honest with thier husbands from the start, if he respects you it shouldn't make a difference. If guys are sleeping around then they should expect girls to be doing the same thing. I apologise to all the decent British Asian Guys, it's just the ones with this 'backward view' that i have the problem with.

anonymous
I never thought i would lose my virginity before i got married, but things just happend(as hard as it is to believe)...now i feel ashamed of myself and not sure whether the guy im going to marry me will accept me after whats happened...its makes me want to consider lying or faking....:(

Sam Birmingham
Culturally if womean are required to be virgins before marriage, why does this not imply to men? Having surgery is extreme, bleeding does not always occur during sex first time.Therefore if dye is being used to show that they are virgins,some women who are virigns do not always bleed.If men can have sex before marriage and are not virgins then why should they expect their partner to be a virgin???

Buddy Lunn, Yugoslavia
Many Asian females engage in sexual acts just to rebel, venting out their aggression towards cultural views they don't believe in by the means of having sexual intercourse or smoking drugs. They adopt the philosophy of " if he can do it, why can't I?” This attitude is very naive, leading to many regrets. What is the rush? I think they are just too quick to assume the negatives of arranged marriages and family values. Self-respect is the key!

bally bhm
Many Asian girls' lie about their virginity bcz it's expected that they remain virgins till their marriages. Of course it's very hard to find a virgin in today's generation & lifestyles. So I think it's about time Asian parents accepted that their daughters are going to have boyfriends and maybe have sex with them too. This is a change that should have taken place in the Asian community during the 1970s. There would be a lot less divorces taking place if that change was made.

Raj, UK
What if the man is and the women isn't? Everyone seems focused on the women being the virgin? Isn't this also double standards?Surely this also relates more to STD's? Previous sexual encounters could increase the risk of STD's for either partner and non-disclosure could have serious consequences.Honesty is the best policy, starting a relationship on lies will end in disaster.

Usman Glasgow
Virginity shudve been treated same fr women as fr men, only this way both can earn respect nd trust for each other.

j. Cheshire
I'm not asian but when I was a teenager it was common for girls here in the UK to be virgins.In the days before readily accessible contraception fear of becoming pregnant kept most of us that way & was a stronger influence even than any social or religious ones. But not much changes - it's OK now for asian men to have sex but not for the women. Much the same as in my youth! Men never believe that what is sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose too. And finally I don't think a woman should tell her husband if she has had sex with someone else before marriage. In a society where virginity matters, telling the truth will only bring problems. Lie through your teeth if you have to ,it will be an easier life & it's no one elses business anyway.

Kay, London
It should not matter what community your from..your virginity is yours and only you as a person can have control over it. Those who choose to have sex before marriage are responsible enough to make that decision and live with it. The Asian community needs to learn to balance the view given and also the support. Support can take form in many ways: CONFIDENTIAL discussions, contraception awareness. Many of these things are a taboo and as young British Asians we need to change our view and perceptions.

Sanjay, London
I think some of the cultural imperatives for women being virgines will take time to change. In the meantime, what is REALLY IMPORTANT is for couples to be completely frank to each other before marriage. That's how you build up a lifelong relationship of trust.

Imran, London
I think most british asian guys want their future wives to be virgins because physically they want to marry a woman whose untouched and pure because physically the womans hymen is broken but when a man loses his virginity nothing physically changes on him so its more importantasian guys would hate to get married to "used goods" as they say.

Sophie China
It is really a big question not only in Britain but also in China. In Chinese traditional concept,having sexual encounters prior to marrying is unacceptable.Today, however, Chinese's concept is chaging as quickly as its econamy.Some young people think it is acceptable to have sex with someone before marriage,at the same time ,there are still some people who hold the old opinion.There can be two young persons who are at the same age but hold the completely different opinions on this question.So,a gily could have sex with his boyfirend without the hope to marry him,but when she is going to marry another, she would find that the one she will marry care a lot about her virgin.She got two choices, cancle the marrige or fake her virginty.The opposite concepts lead to the problem above. Someone care while someone don't.

Jenny
some chinese men like their wife is a virgin. and chinese culture in history made chinese women also have same feeling. it can be understand. if this woman has a good husband and doesn't care his wife's past sexually ilfe before him with other men, she can speak clear, but if her husband is conservative, she needn't do this I think. everyone has secrets.