The Apprentice

Week 4 Former military man Simon Smith got his final marching orders from The Apprentice after episode four. But was it an honourable discharge...?

Why did you decide to apply for The Apprentice?
I was a big fan of the show and I was one of those people who shouted at the telly. And I thought, "I can do better than that!"

What did you hope to get out of it?
Just a job. I had no other plan; I just went in to get his job.

Was your Apprentice experience what you expected?
Yes and no. I was surprised by the number of people with a definite game plan. I was quite naïve. My ethos was simple. If winning means stabbing everyone in the back, and being disingenuous off camera, then I'm not doing it. You can get fired but still leave with your integrity and dignity intact. I'll let the public decide whether I managed that!

You were fired after the photography task. Where did it all go wrong?
I took too much on. I should have been the photographer, or the manager but not both.

When did you know you had problems?
In the café, on the first morning! I knew I was up against it when I put myself forward and the tumbleweed blew past on the tables, but I kept plugging on and trying to be positive. You can only go so far on rhetoric and positivity though.

The task was at Bluewater, and you'd lots to say about the shoppers there...
I made a throwaway comment, the kind of thing someone might say in a pub. I loved that the task was at Bluewater. The rest of the team thought everyone would be like Victoria Beckham, and I was like, 'No. These are my people. They're gonna be talking to me rather than wanting to talk to you. So **** off and get in the backroom and work'.

Would you have won if Alex and Claire had been more supportive?
Possibly. I think so, but I'll never know. You can't manage people who don't want to be managed. You're trying to take them over top and they're off doing their own thing.

Can't you whip them into shape, military style?
When you have people disrespecting you in the military you can take them behind the back of the bike sheds and fill them in with some contact counselling. At one point I wanted to launch Alex off the escalators. I thought; if you're going to be that negative, just get into the backroom and out of my way.

But in the end they weren't fired and it was you who couldn't stay...
Sir Alan obviously saw something in them that he didn't see in me. I don't blame him. When I watched the show back, I watched through my fingers. I looked like David Brent through the whole thing, just atrocious. You can see me unravel, those are TV gold moments. I dropped the ball, and the right guy went on the night.

Sir Alan suggested you weren't a leader, because you don't mind being second...
I believe it's good to know where you fit best in the team. I'm not down on myself; I know what I'm good at. I was best recruit in the army, and finished top in my courses. But if you're good in a team and the team wins, you win. People lose sight of that.

Overall, which task was your favourite?
My favourite was the laundry, which was very satisfying. I knew how hard it was going to be. There are two parts to every task, and one of the parts is on the sales side, but the other usually involves hard grafting. I promised Raef that if he let me run the laundry we'd win, and we did.

Who would you like to be the ultimate winner?
If Alex can take on board some of the criticism, I think he could win. He's not the finished article but he is a terrific fella; with everything you need to learn as The Apprentice.

Who would you like to stay friends with after the show?
Raef and Lee. Both great fellas. I went through the audition process with Raef and from the first moment I met him, he was a diamond. We shared a room and on task two we had some great banter between us. One day, he's going to take me to a gentleman's club, and I'm going to get him an ASBO.

What will they miss about you in the house?
I was the guy who kept things ticking over. I was the oldest on the boys' side by a long way, but I'm chirpy. I was the last to bed and the first up every morning. I was everyone's alarm clock, me!

Could you make photography your career?
No, I have no intention. I wouldn't like the pressure of making sure someone's wedding photos are not wiped!

And now The Apprentice is over. What are your future plans?
I go back to work. I put on my high visibility jacket and climb up a ladder, and put up another satellite dish. I'm really good at it. If you sky box goes wrong give me a call and I'll come round and sort it. You know, I've put a lot of Amstrad sky boxes in people's houses, and some of them actually work...

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