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Saturday April 23
Watched Ray on DVD last night. It was pedestrian but Jamie Foxx carried it (hey, it's about time somebody recognised his overlooked good work in this film!).

Followed by episode one from Season Five of The West Wing on DVD. I haven't seen any of this series as we only gained access to E4 halfway through so it I vowed to wait for the DVD. It was worth the wait. I was inspired to get out my second volume of Aaron Sorkin's scripts (sorry, teleplays), just to read his introductions, which are full of insight, not least into the man himself, who obviously flew by the seat of his pants when writing the show. He is truly the finest American TV writer working today. And something of a nuisance, by the sounds of it.

Tonight, watched the second half of last weekend's 100 Greatest Albums . I'm worried about Shaun Ryder. He looks jaundiced to me. I hope that doesn't mean his liver's about to pack up. No point in quibbling over which album got where in the list, as it was decided by people in the Channel 4 website, and who trusts people who vote in online polls? Anyway, it's last week's Top 100. Move on.

Sunday April 24
Glenn Gregory, who was in talking about his leisure time on the Sunday show, turned out to be something of a chef (as well as a lover of whippets). He made my mouth water with his talk of sausages, mash, red onion gravy, Savoy cabbage and pine nuts. But he said an eminently sensible thing - he's tried cooking Thai and Indian, but at the end of the day, a takeaway always tastes better.

There is no finer Thai restaurant, in my opinion, than Thai Tho in Wimbledon. Went there as a treat tonight - Sunday's the best night to go, it's relatively quiet and you can guarantee a non-smoking table - because tomorrow we start decorating the hall. Beef, cashew nuts and chilli, brown rice (not many Thai places do brown rice, I've found) and Pad Pak Namman Hoi, a side dish I always say in Thai to try and impress the ladies who work there. Managed to say no to ice cream, as dairy is totally off the menu with my lungs in the state they are.

Partly because of the rubbery Slitheen, partly because of Penelope Wilton, but mostly because it had a cliffhanger halfway through the story. It dawned on me that this is what's missing from the otherwise exceptional Who revival - the serial element. Even the shorter Dr Who stories used to have four episodes in the Old Days. And this one could only manage two parts. Has somebody at the BBC decided kids don't have the attention span any more?

Monday April 25
Day one of decorating: sanding down the plaster then cleaning it. It was back-breaking work, especially the ceilings, and no job for an asthmatic. Even with a mask on, the dust really got into my lungs and caused me to have to sit down like an old man at regular intervals to get my breath back.

It wasn't all bad; during one such break in the back garden, I saw a deer. This is big news, as we haven't seen them for ages and were worried about them. There are a family of three that wander down from the National Trust land at the top of the hill and pass through our garden on the way to a bigger one that backs onto us. He ran off when he saw me, but that's what deer do. I love the way they can jump a fence from a standing start.
So tired from today's decorating I could barely lift the wok to make dinner. Can anyone spot the irony in the fact that I was cooking venison mince? Somebody call Paul McCartney!
I wondered why Radio Times had put such a seemingly unsexy programme on the cover, but Genghis Khan was spectacularly good - a docu-drama, no less, and I hate those usually, but a combination of fine acting from the all-Mongolian cast, intelligent narration and superb battle scenes worthy of a Ridley Scott movie made it highly memorable. And I've just read a piece about the Mongol hordes in the New Yorker which piqued my interest.
A very grown-up looking Gallant was back on ER. Half the episode was set in Iraq, where he was posted last season. Gory? I should say so. War is, after all, hell.
I wish I could comment on the general election but, due to reasons of BBC balance, I can't.

Tuesday April 26
Day two: putting up plaster sealant to prepare all the walls for actual painting tomorrow. Less dusty today, but I'm still aching from yesterday's exertion, especially my thighs for some reason. I dreamt about people being on fire last night, which was obviously because of ER .
Saw a second deer, possibly the mother. Hooray.
This struck me as the funniest thing I've read all year. It's in the new Radio Times. I know I work for them and I don't mean any disloyalty to my lifelong favourite listings magazine, but as a reader, this tickled me. You have to read it all to get the full impact of letter versus editorial comment:

Letters , 30 April-6 May 2005

On a very starry night at the British Academy Television Awards (17 April BBC1), it was wonderful to see young Romanian actress Anamaria Marinca win the best actress award for C4's Sex Traffic - a remarkable, honest series that dared to expose the hidden trade bringing hundreds and probably thousands of women and girls into the UK every year to work as forced prostitutes. Challenging TV like this helps to bring important issues into the open, and can help to persuade governments to act to protect victims of horrible human rights violations.
Stephen Brown, A mnesty International , London EC2
Don't miss our picture of Ana maria Marinca on page 14.

Priceless! I would send it to Private Eye , but it's too long.
I think I can tell you this - a local farmer has put up a poster advertising the local candidate from One Of The Three Main Political Parties at the top of the hill, and somebody has added the words, "YEAH RIGHT! HA HA HA!" I like it because it's so childish.
The Fast Show 's Simon Day has cancelled tomorrow's writing session, which means I can paint for an extra consecutive day. More sealant, I think. Actual paint another day.

Tonight's top telly. Property Ladder - WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LISTEN TO SARAH BEENY? If I was a first-time property developer and she was steering me through it for the cameras, I would do everything she suggested. The couple on today's show, who had stupidly bought a Grade 2 listed building in Sudbury and were going to reduce it from a three-bed to a one-bed and try and sell it to Suffolk's non-existent gay market by not putting in central heating or laying any lawn, took the biscuit.

Supernanny - WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LISTEN TO JO? They do as she says to start with, and then as soon as she leaves the house, they forget everything, revert to type and the tantrums return. I found myself shocked at two four-year-old twins using the f-word on their poor, shattered parents tonight.

Wednesday April 27
My monthly radio column appeared in the Guardian.This is the paper I've "taken" all my adult life, and it still feels nice to have my name in it. I'll be sad if they don't renew my contract in August.
Day three: more sealant. I enjoyed using the roller on a pole to reach the ceiling above the stairs. Simple pleasures.
Ah, The Apprentice. Penultimate episode. Simple but effective - the remaining four were interviewed by Sir Alan's unpleasant, businessy cohorts and the great man then chucked two of them out; first James (whom he suspected of being there for the cameras), then Paul (whom everyone around him hated) - there goes my favourite to win! That leaves Tim and Saira (whose last name is Khan - I wonder if she's distantly related to Genghis?). I loved it when, talking confident, over-enunciated nonsense as usual, she described herself as a "key pinpoint".

Thursday April 28
I'm big enough to admit that I was glad to get out of the house today - in that the lingering plaster dust continues to aggravate my rubbish lungs and I needed to inject into them some extended outside-world air. I left the house at 9.10am so that I could catch the relevant trains to be in West London in time for an 11am meeting with a quite well known comedian who is working on a sitcom and needs a co-writer with drama experience. I won't name him yet, as the project is in its infancy and even though the meeting went well and we seemed to like each other, we could still fall out and it might come to naught. Then I'll tell you who it was.

I can tell you that the next comedian I had a meeting with was The Fast Show's Simon Day, over at Television Centre, with the producer of Grass, boyish Alex Walsh-Taylor. He's read our first draft script and likes it, with only minimal changes for us to make. (As well as the general instruction: "Put more jokes in.") Simon pretended to be jealous that I was working with another comedian on a sitcom.

I was stranded in plaster-free London for the rest of the day as I was appearing on Mark Radcliffe's Radio 2 show at 10.30pm - a regular gig that I do for love, as well as a bit of money, but it's mostly the love. I'm in a London studio, he's in Manchester but I believe we have sufficient rapport from previous meetings it doesn't sound as if I am in a different city to him. He wanted to talk about the Ramones film End Of The Century, out now on DVD, so I watched it at 6 Music on a computer. I thought I might skip through it a bit, finger on fast-forward, but I actually ended up watching every last second, transfixed - it was tremendous, like a punk Spinal Tap but not funny. Indeed, quite sad at the end when two Ramones had died. I recommend it highly. Then I watched the Question Time Election Special on the 6 Music telly in the Hub (it's alright, no bands were playing in there). I can't talk about it, for now self-evident BBC reasons.

Great fun, as ever, shooting the cultural breeze with Mark for an hour and a half in between records. For those that don't know, I am his Film and Food Correspondent. We covered Heston Blumenthal, Turkey Twizzlers, the Ramones and Nicole Kidman.
Fell asleep in the BBC cab home, thanks to the rare delight of a non-speaking driver.

Friday April 29
Bliss. I had the first unbroken night's sleep last night for I don't know how long. Perhaps it was because I didn't put my head down until 1.30 (read some of the new New Yorker before turning the light off, even though it was late already); perhaps it was because my lungs had been out of the house all day - who cares. Woke up at the gloriously indulgent time of 9.30 this morning, truly rested.
A lazy day with no painting, just working at home on that project for that quite well known comedian. The new Empire magazine with Darth Vader on the front breathes when you open it. Give those marketing people the rest of the day off. One of them is a key pinpoint.
 
 
The views expressed in this column are the views of Andrew Collins and do not represent the views of the BBC.